roflmao, y'all just don't know

Friday, August 26, 2005
okay so i am a dufus. my brain has been all fuzzy lately and part of that is just this general disconnection i've been feeling with Emperor. if He's doing it intentionally yippee it's working. if not it's so weird. generally speaking it's not causing me any pain. i don't want to look for a new Dom but the week with no internet loving has slated my rush to be by His side. He calls when He should, mostly, but even that hasn't been an overwhelming issue of late. i am slightly upset those nights i don't dream about Him but that's because they are such lovely dreams. i wake up in a state of peace i haven't felt since well sometime before my father died. so you all don't know this about me yet but my life is an amalgamation of things that don't really fit if you look at me on the surface. one of those things that doesn't fit is my absolute belief that it sometimes necessary to consult the cards and stars for some advice. so today after i open a karmic report email i decide to go clicking around the site. feeling no real connection to any particular part of the board, i ultimately found myself on the free portion of a romantic keltic cross spread. i'm gonna add the cards as i saw them in my reading and let you be the judge of what i read and it's ultimately funny timing.


Seven of Swords
Position: Love & Me
Main (positional) Meaning:Through self-discipline you have honed new skills of observation and perception; now you know how to come out on top in a relationship situation.The card in the Love & Me position touches on an aspect of how you perceive yourself right now.With the Seven of Swords in this position, you have cultivated the attitudes, habits and disposition of a winner. You have trained yourself to instinctively notice the opportunity, positive potential or advantage in a situation with your love interest. Although this may not be a characteristic you originally possessed, you have disciplined yourself in such a way that you naturally seek out the openings in your life. You have learned to look past all the obstacles and setbacks you encounter as if they were already conquered.

The Star
Position: Love Situation
Main (positional) Meaning:Keep your ears open for wisdom and divine wisdom to guide your relationship.The card that lands in the Love Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.When the Star is in this position, you may be starting to understand your true purpose for being together. When you understand that, you can ground your relationship around a common center. This means living your lives calmly from the inside-out rather than being at the mercy of external circumstances. Those whose relationships have reached this level of clarity and serenity know they are blessed. When you are involved in a heart to heart connection with the person you love, you are free to open up and experience the magic of every moment.

The Emperor
Position: Love Challenges
Meaning of this Position:The card that lands in the Love Challenges position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.The Love Challenges position helps you get the best out of your situation. It reflects the cutting edge in the situation, the learning curve whereby you can turn adversity into accomplishment -- using creativity and a positive attitude. This card can point to recurring themes in the challenges you have faced in your life -- and to opportunities that may yet present themselves. Can you think of any patterns which are returning to affect you now? If so, try to recall how you have reacted in the past. Perhaps you can see new potentials, while noticing the hidden pitfalls too. Can you imagine a different way of responding to the situation this time around? The wisdom of this card can help you turn surprises into strengths, blind spots into windows of opportunity. Bring creativity and flexibility to the way you go about your way in the world. Your expanding capacity wll become an asset and source of inspiration to all.

so swear to God they came up just as randomly as the temperature in my office fluctuates all damn day. it just made me giggle on so many levels. i do care about Emperor, i've said that i think on numerous occasions, but i've been fighting trying to make this more than it is because at the end of the day i don't know His thoughts or desires. He's ten good hours on the road from me so whatever He did at home would never even cross my path here. and let's face it i've been fighting it because i don't want to get hurt again, by Emperor or anyone else. i was up in e-therapy with Sidra for hours before i finally confessed my heart lust for Him. now that i have, and hell before then too, i've been looking for any and every reason to run away. i didn't click on the reading for confirmation that with time and patience things will be just fine. i clicked on it to verify to myself that no matter what He says He'll just end up like the others and everytime i try something like my destination card ends up being The Emperor. so i'm sure you're wondering what the problem is, why must i fight this so? it's not because i can and not because i want Him gone, it's because for the first time in a minute i don't want a him gone. it's because i'm happily making considerations and concessions in my life because i WANT Him. but because as women are by nature insecure and no matter how i fight it i am most DEFINITELY a woman, my spirit does not rest well because we are not closer together and because i'm not SURE what He wants from me. it's sad but true, i really don't want Him going further than He'll let me follow. god i sound sappy, let me go to my meeting.

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1 comment

  1. Fighting something,especially how we feel, internally is something that WE just do. I hate it to. It's almost like sabotaging yourself from what you really want.

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