ahhh so i'm breathing again

Sunday, September 18, 2005
friday through me for a loop. doing some self care was greatly needed and i did just that. i missed Emperor terribly but we do have indepedent lives and i have to get adjusted to that. well not adjusted but until we are closer together i can't anticipate He'll be there to nurture me all the time. He will be more often than not but when He can't be i have to work on that too. i've been reading and cleaning and sleeping mostly.

as you can see by the information under links i've been reading a lot of other subs' blogs this last 48 hours or so. i haven't added all of the ones i've seen because i felt no connection to them whatsoever but the ones i did relate to were added. some of them are in LDRs like me and Emperor. others are doing the 24/7 thing but haven't tied the knot, others married with kids, and yet another group are married with kids and living a poly lifestyle. keeping up with them as they move through their relationships will hopefully help me as i progress through this one with Emperor. as i was reading their blogs too i noted how many of their Doms knew about their blogs and were actively reading them. i know that i have sent Emperor the link to this haven but i doubt He's read it at all. i'm not sure if i want Him to either. i mean in some ways this is wholly my space and as i need to vent and scream and cry i can do it privately. but then again if i am to truly be His shouldn't i be able to get over that because if He asked i'd be sure to tell Him it all in great detail. oh well, we'll figure that out as it comes to that point.

i'm debating making a google wishlist but everything i want Emperor will eventually provide. it's amazing how all of this (the lifestyle that is) is what recentered me this weekend. wanting to be wtih Him was bad enough but being privy to other lifestyle couples' struggles was helpful. there will be times and instances where it's the relationship that keeps the people sane. the power exchange is just a piece of that. letting myself go totally and completely into His control will be what makes things okay again. learning who i am through His eyes will also be incredibly interesting for me. i'm not sure why i'm writing so much this weekend but it's been needed. Emperor is on, i have to tend to my Master.

see ya
red velvet

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