planes, trains and automobiles

Sunday, September 25, 2005
around midnight last night, somewhat jokingly i hope, Emperor suggested i come see Him NOW. well that would so not be a problem if He lived around the corner. hell i'd probably never be home if He was that close. even if He were a few hours away i could have swung it. i miss Him and nothing would make either of us happier than to have some time alone. but Emperor is 10 hours from here on a good day. after ten hours on the road i don't think i'd be a good toy for Him which would make me terribly upset. so i being who i am figured it was a good time to tell Him about the flights because He wanted to know when i could come in to visit. i could have bought the tickets then but i want to make sure it's okay with His schedule before i do so. i mean there are other people i could see in town but then i'd have to actually pack versus what i planned on doing for this trip. i'm off tangent now. i tell Him about the ticket and the weekend i'm thinking and then nothing. not a nope that doesn't work. not a nope i want you here sooner. not a single solitary beep between then and when he logged off over an hour later. no promised phone call. nothing. this is what happens with us sometimes. it feels like we're having a good conversation and then i'm an afterthought. it confuses me greatly and makes me wonder why i keep doing the good kitty thing. but when i'm basking under the careful attention of Emperor it makes perfect sense. the problem is that's happening more infrequently lately. it makes me nervous and unsettled and that's not good. the only positive thing is it momentarily tempers good kitty but the more that is tempered the more i left to ponder things i don't want to ponder.

i told you before i don't want to look for anyone new but i need something more i guess. well more from Him and i don't know if He wants to give it to me. drifting off into my unhappy place for a moment. bye everyone

red

eta: sometimes i know Emperor is absentminded and sometimes He just forgets He didn't tell me what He was planning on doing but each time it happens i feel horrible. i know He's talking to other people that know what is going on with Him and i don't. it's never the same person (which in and of itself is amazing) but there's always someone new. if we were living that dream i had it would be much nicer. if i was there with my collar on kneeling when He came in from wherever waiting to take care of Him like i want then yes things would be better. He still may flit off to do whatever He likes but at least i'd have my time with Him. right now He just makes me fidgety and disquiets my brain. back to unhappy place now.

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2 comments

  1. On the one hand, glad you're still aware of your needs in such an interesting relationship. On the other, I don't know every dom/me type, but he seems a lil scattered. I'm NOT saying drop him, but are there other ways you can slef-satisfy until he focuses again? Just asking.

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  2. There may be, and i'm working on that. Had the weirdest but in a good way, dream about Him last night.

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