driving slow on sunday morning.......

Sunday, October 30, 2005
okay i haven't left my bedroom so i definitely haven't been driving anywhere BUT the maroon 5 song just popped in my head as i begun phase two of blogging this morning. so now you know all about my fascination with anne rice and akasha and what i would have been on halloween had i stayed in track shape lol.

but i was thinking of two things during that post that made sense to me but would have been all out of the context of my costume choices. in a bizarre way akasha was the perfect sub ROFL. i know she tried to kill everyone and was the strongest of them all but when her husband could no longer function she took her place at his side as a marble statue and stayed that way until she happened upon lestat. she moved briefly when he discovered her with her husband and then he awoke her and she made her way to him. she made him so much more than he ever could have been by giving her strength to him. had he not betrayed her and helped murder her, and well had she not been a complete loon, she would have been his wife/protector/plaything etc. so i may be reaching there but that popped in my head.

the other thing that came to mind is have i done something or nothing that could encouage Emperor's current mood of quiet calm? i haven't chased after Him but neither have i completely ignored Him. i haven't said You are pissing me off but i haven't made much of a squeak about my missing Him either. could i really just accept that whatever is going on with Him has nothing to do with me but i am just in the wake of His own needs and wants? i always try to recall the world is bigger than me and sometimes someone's reaction to me may have little of nothing to do with ME per se. but on ocassion, like now, i feel as though i might have disappointed Him and He is just trying to figure out how to tell me. regardless of what it is, i have to do better. i have to keep tending to the rest of my life and know that when He is ready He will reach out to me again. i hope it's soon so you all can see the insanely perky pet He has created when i am under His gaze and attention. lol have a good day ladies and gents.

ETA: i just heard from Emperor, He was in an accident this weekend. He told me that i was being a good pet essentially even though He may not tell me enough. so i can relax into comfort of tending to Him however i can long distance. le sigh.

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7 comments

  1. "and well had she not been a complete loon" LOL! Yeah that whole running around and killing everything in a really deeply PMS way kinda has a bit of loon written on it :)

    I so understand how you're feeling about Emperor. Yesterday Rush was in a bit of an *ahem* MOOD, and about bit my head off for a few things I had nothing to do with. So when He came over this morning on His way to visit His folks in the hospital, I was really happy that we'd have the chance to undo that tension, get back to us.. then He was going to leave 10 minutes after He got here! I started crying despite myself, wondering where in heck this incredibly needy person came from, but He held me close... and stayed a little while, and it made all the difference.

    Maybe the answer is just to let Him know how you feel. It's not chasing after Him, you're not playing hard to get or pursuing Him, either way, if you simply say, this is how I feel. Maybe (and I struggle with this concept regularly), just maybe, He really is unaware of how much you need Him right now and needs to know?

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  2. lol yeah deep and abiding pms there lol. i should probably talk to Him. i think i was just worried about not scaring Him. He is SO reserved and guarded sometimes. ahh well a conversation won't kill me, cripple me emotionally possibly but not kill me. j/k things will be fine.

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  3. You are such a sweetie!!! I feel to tell you to think about your need first... but I'm not in a so good position to do that...;-)) I think you are doing very, but very well... No, you are not pushy, not even demanding... IMO...
    You are in love... nothing more, nothing less...;-) and it is a beautiful thing for you... now... is he in love too??? I wish so... even if it is not requested... but it makes things so much yummy!!!
    Thinking of you a lot!!!

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  4. ahh thanks jo, today was more than i expected. He was way more open than i am used to. life is great for the moment.

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  5. I love Anne Rice also. :)
    Maroon 5 is cool. Which song popped in your head? I am curious.

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  6. sunday morning, track 8 on songs about jane

    That may be all I need
    In darkness she is all I see
    Come and rest your bones with me
    Driving slow on Sunday morning
    And I never want to leave

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  7. It is making me happy for you to read this red velvet...;-))) I wish life will stay good for very long...;-)))

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