insecurity, incapable, in need of.....

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
okay i hope this is brief. i know i've probably mentioned this before but being this vulnerable to someone i care about makes me insecure from time to time. i used to bug the hell out of sidra about this. what if He finds someone to replace me? what do i do with all of this that i'm feeling then? the truth of the matter is i don't know. i'm sure in a few days, few hours maybe, i'll share with Him what my knowledge of Him can spark in me. how the "harmless flirting" stings a little even though i know in my brain that most of them would run quickly away if got a whiff of His true nature. the fact is i don't want to share Him. i will if forced to but just like He doesn't want me with anyone else, i don't want to have to curl up on His right side because someone new is on His left.

being insecure makes it difficult for me to function properly for Him. i'm nervous about things i shouldn't be and i'm probably ignoring things i should be because i'm worried about my place with Him. shortly i'll be with Him and He'll be connected to me in that way only He can be but i need something from Him now and i'm not sure i even know what that is. i just miss Him and His affection.

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1 comment

  1. At the beginning of our relationship, when He asked for that D/s to take place between us, it is exactly how I was feeling... and dealing already with a low self-esteem, I stayed a long time in that spirit... Fear... doubts... depressions... love was a torment... because I knew I wasn't in a position to give Him all He could want from me... Now, it is much bettr... It is true that living together took away some pressure, but even last spring, I was going to phase of fear of being replaced... and with all I was allowing Him Him to do with me... I know that if it happens, I'll be broken for very long... This lifestyle leave marks at many other places than just skindeep...

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