maybe another quickie

Friday, October 28, 2005
there is something in the sub collective mind that is making us all simultaneously insecure lol. of course i am joking but it has been amazing how the subs i speak to via the blog world are all in a state of emotional flux. are we doing enough? is His momentary distraction because i am somehow less than He would desire or is He bored with me or is He bored with our lifestyle? we have no reason to truly doubt these men we have chosen to submit to but the trickle continues through us.

it may have just infected us all as we read but the feeling is there just the same. i miss my Emperor and i won't elaborate on that because i have before on numerous posts before this one. i try to keep my own counsel and operate on the loose guidelines He gave me but i really know i want more than that right now. there are other more available men but they don't see the world in the same screwed up way i do which is a bit of a problem because i am a wee bit twisted. while i couldn't sit down for a week, had Emperor not spanked me so i would have been disappointed. allowing the limit to be pushed was my gift to Him. never asking Him to stop was my attempt to be the pet i knew He wanted me to be. when the tears came, and they most definitely came, i let them flow because i knew He enjoyed them plus let's face it my ass was on FIRE. His concern for me afterwards, His caring for His bruised pet and Him were all i needed. the flood of orgasms didn't hurt things either.

i have to keep adjusting myself to the feelings invoked by seperation. i know He cares about me and wants me to remain by His side. i know that He enjoys my company and the attention that i lavish on Him. i know He appreciated the fact that i didn't blink hard when He told me that He had gone easy on me that day but the next time He would take things up a notch. i know that it was His concern that made Him offer me a safe word and it was with a small smile that i told Him i would never use it so it may not be worth the effort. truthfully, i was just pleased He wanted to continue to use me and that i had enough sense to bring the ibuprofen 800s with me lol.

so while the collective sub mind is conflustered (no i didn't make it up but i have seen it enough to just giggle now) we will all remember why we serve soon enough. we will all remember what makes us a little different than the woman shopping next to us at the grocery store or the one on the flight next to us telling us about her impending tryst with her lover or the woman shopping at the toy store who is just looking for something to spice up the bedroom this weekend. we are a different breed and even in our moments of angst we usually only suffer because we want to be doing more than we are for the men that have made us feel real and whole. so to my Emperor, whenever You get to this post know that my loyalty to You is total. my insecurities are nothing more than misdirected emotions. i trust You and know that what You have set for us is truly best for us and yes i love You.

always Your pet,
red

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3 comments

  1. Oh you said -the- words! I know that took so much courage after your past posts! *big warm hug*

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  2. thanks for the hug taylor, and yeah i finally quit trying to be all resolute, i love Him and what He has brought to my life...sigh

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  3. You are right red velvet... we too often questionned ourselves about the how and why... it is a bad habit... I'm kind of working it out right now... and I feel so, but so much happy!!!
    and I am happy you finally feel your trust... it is important!!!
    Have a good week end!!

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