the one true thing

Saturday, October 22, 2005
the one thing that i have learned about myself over the last few months is that i have always been this person, this submissive/slave. Emperor often calls me a textbook submissive because from 8 to 5 i may be one of the most in control women you will ever meet. people seek out my advice and my assistance. people respect my opinion and know that if they request something from me it will often be done without delay and done well. however, that is exhausting and it always has been. i was the child that took care of my family even when i knew i was tired and needed someone to take care of me. i was the girlfriend that went above and beyond in order to keep a stupidly happy smile on face of the man in life. he might take advantage and when my spirit was weak i'd depart but while i was there he didn't want for anything. it made me a SUPERBLY flexible and openminded sexual playmate. i joke that i know tricks with balls and balloons because i cannot rid myself of my ex's once they have sampled the goodies and the lengths i will go to in order to be remembered ha ha.

but now the biggest thing to note is that while it has been dormant and ignored for months, years even, this growth into His pet is just me coming back home to myself. being slightly disappointed that my behind is all brown again and there are no visible reminders of our time together is just a more concrete manifestation of my desire to be His. hearing His voice call me His darling pet and getting a chill both from pride and from being owned, being His, gives me peace that this is where i belong. that no matter what someone else may think about it or about us, that i know my place is with Him (or heaven forbid someone like Him if He ever decides to let me go) and this lifestyle is the only thing that will make me blissful. now i guess i have to just prepare myself for the next encounter when He may be less inclined to take a break and won't have as many distractions. ahhh won't that be lovely?

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