who's that girl?

Sunday, October 23, 2005
i have to wonder that sometimes as i am dealing with men who do not seem to grasp who i am and what i want. i spent the better part of four hours last night trying to explain to someone (for the third or fourth time) why we weren't going to work out. the biggest reasons why i pulled away, and thought i was doing the polite thing at that, was he couldn't handle my being more sexually experienced than him and because i knew after a few months there was no way i could ever willingly submit to him. he went through massive changes trying to explain to me why i never gave him a fair shot and punished him for being honest with me. i didn't give him a chance to grow as a Dom with me he's right but that's because i don't want him to grow WITH me. i knew then and still am convinced now that someone inexperienced would be overwhelmed by my periodic brat moments. not to mention it always felt like i was Domme'ing him by the end of our conversations. for the nanoseconds i considered i might be a switch those conversations let me know that i was wrong. it felt uncomfortable and that i was expending way too much energy to ultimately get him to take control.

whereas when i met Emperor, which they really happened a few months apart so i have a reasonable recollection of the differences, the conversations and tone were different. yes we bantered back and forth until we broached D/s and then He quite quickly assumed control of me and the direction we were intially going to head. He was honest that we would have to take things slowly and make sure we'd be able to give the other what we wanted but He was happy to find me and happier that i wanted Him to train me. when we finally met it was like everything that i wanted to come to pass finally clicked into place. we parted company a wee bit upset but dedicated to making things stronger between us. and while we have had some big glitches in communication we are both willing to give each other space and time to work on things. no intimidation about sexual abilities or desires. no real doubt that what we both want is a D/s relationship. my submissive nature has never been viewed as weak or as less than a woman. the other person may learn that but i do not want to be a victim of his learning curve. he can study up all he likes but Emperor is my only Dom. period. KTHXBUHBYE!

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