ahhh people.......they are well you know

Thursday, November 17, 2005
at the moment, as Emperor and i haven't even really begun to hash out the cause of my unrest, i won't get into all of that now. however i've been struck the last few days about the assumptions we make about one another and each others lives that are wholly unfair. several people know that i'm seeing Emperor and a few less (cause He really doesn't dig most people) know that i am seeing Him. the full context of what we are hasn't been shared with them and it may never be. i am (usually) blissfully happy in my now recognized and appreciated submission. it grounds me in a way that little else has and i can most readily relate when others say they need their Doms/Master to recenter them THROUGH our available language of dominance and submission. some folks will say its sick but ever goal i personally reach that He sets for me is exhilirating--yes that involves bdsm and spanking and flogging and mindfucks and pain. those four letters--pain--are sometimes all He asks of me and for the contentment i feel when things are good between us its well worth that sacrifice. on top of which i am a huge masochist. things that hurt get me off so its a win win situation for both of us when He's feeling like making me hurt.

whether it's my cuffs or my dinner, (people are making thanksgiving meals and bringing what they normally make at home for everyone, it's a nice idea but all of us don't do up thanksgiving and the smell of the food is driving me nuts cause i really don't want any of it at the moment.) people opt to make assumptions about my person and my lifestyle even though i'm coming to detest that word. i'm not really all that alternative i just take things to a different place as i defer to the person that makes me happy. anyway, what happened to being able to say it doesn't work for me but you're happy so i'll be happy for you? you don't like turkey? nope i don't. well okay what do you like instead is all i really want to hear. don't harass me about why and well do i like dressing if i don't like turkey. leave me and my personal tastes alone.

so you really like to be spanked and are happy with this whole Master/slave thing? yes i am. well okay i can accept that even if i don't understand it is all i really want to hear then. if you can't do me the favor of not judging what i do i guess i can't have you in my life. i'm not sure why i'm venting right now. i guess i'm preparing myself for the inevitable because unlike taylor most of my friends have no idea this exists or that i'm Emperor's pet. i'm not sure when they will be allowed access to it but whenever it is i hope they read this post BEFORE they start asking me what went wrong in childhood that i do so enjoy giving myself to Him in this way.

we're all different. if my happy doesn't intefere with your happy i don't get the big deal. so what i would rather watch tiny toons than dawson's creek. so what i hated both sex and the city and girlfriends. so what that i think ice cream is a perfectly acceptable meal replacement. so what if i am embracing three inch heels and love being that tall. so what if i couldn't sit down for 24 hours because Emperor spanked the hell out of me lol. so what?

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