i watch entirely too much tv

Thursday, November 03, 2005
well i do periodically watch way too much tv. but the strange thing is i hardly ever pay attention to what is on. i have it on as a distraction more than anything else. some white noise to filter through the quiet that is my home in the evening. i was enjoying a second night of self-imposed solitude and again slept through my alarm. i had an interesting dream but i'll get to that later. i woke up this morning and i had apparently left the tv on a non-cartoon channel because duets was on. now i've never seen this movie at all so watching the few moments of random people belting out songs was cute. i caught it as andre braugher was doing his duet. i really only watched because of him i love andre braugher. anyway, he was singing try a little tenderness by otis redding and while i love the song i think i was receptive to it in a new way this morning. the lyrics are below in case anyone wants to see them.

i'm quite positive my brain was open for two reasons. the first being i'm in a funk. in a funk the most simple and mundane things for me can create a smile. one of those internal soul smiles that radiates out into the rest of me and makes everything feel good. i got that as andre and his duet buddy paul giamatti were having a grand old time with otis's song. it felt like the rest of the tension that had been climbing up into my brain just melted off of me. i finished getting dressed and left the house slightly disappointed i wouldn't be able to see what else befell the songsters. the other reason why my brain was open was because i dreamed a strange but happy dream this morning.

i know it was this morning because i was shaking it off as i woke up to voices from the movie. anyway, i was back with my parents somewhere getting ready to tear down our old house and helping them do the same to an old school it appeared. which really wouldn't be an issue but my father has been deceased nearly five years and the last house we all lived in was when i was eight but i digress. i was packing up my old room and dolls and putting them in the car that i think i was sharing with my boyfriend but he didn't materialize till much later in the dream. my brother and i was giggling and laughing as we ran through old rooms and then crying as we packed away things that would never be seen again in that setting. there were tons of family members around, also odd, and with the exception of a few squabbles about how much should be loaded and taken to the dump all was well there. we went into the high school and some hoodlums were being chased around. me and the small group i was with ran up some side stairs to handle some boxes there and then to leave. the person leading me, my assumed boyfriend, took a box out to the car as some random folks confronted me and the group because we had allegedly gotten some of their friends in trouble by pointing to where they ran off to. this young man was very angry and beligerant and i said something i thought that might calm him down but it didn't. just then the "boyfriend" reappears and it's Emperor. He's dressed very down for Him and greets the young man and whatever the issue was evaporated. they helped us get the last few things out of the room we were in and then the scene switched. it was later at a reception or dedication.

we had driven away from the house and the school and were now at one of the chi chi hotels Emperor likes. we were at a reception of some sort and several of my friends were there as well as people Emperor and i know in common that 1) had no reason to be there and 2) don't know we are together because well we don't like to overshare. it stirs up drama unnecessarily but again i'm off tangent here. i was dressed in a long black gown, a small diamond was cut out of the top of the dress above my cleavage and the dress had a dangerously high split on one side. i was wearing these 3.5 inch heels i saw online the other day lol and my head was covered in curls per Emperor's request. i was staring at Him across the room and standing with girlfriends and some non friends who were also looking at Him. as one said she was convinced He wanted her and that she felt bad for Him because He just would never be what she wanted i damn near spit out the champagne i had been sipping on. i tried to stifle the giggle but she thought i was agreeing with her so she continued. Her--He really needs a good woman in His life, one that will keep Him focused but who in their right mind would get involved with Him as He has soooooo much baggage. me--is that right? well maybe i'll take Him on pro-bono and then when i have Him all fixed, i can send Him your way. everyone laughed again and i excused myself. He saw me leaving and followed me out of the room. when we were a safe distance away from the room i started literally dragging Him to a bar so we could sit and talk. i told Him about the exchange because it was funny and well we tell each other everything in situations like that. He started eating some tiramisu and i was wondering if He was bored, distracted or disappointed in something i had said. i asked Him as such and He shook His head no. Him--as a matter of fact pet, this whole span of time you have been nothing but a perfect dream and as soon as we get upstairs i plan on properly collaring you. can't have you out and about getting lost and forgetting where home is. to say i had a stupefied look on my face in said dream would be an understatment. i was dumbfounded and then did the most horrific of things: i squealed in delight. He stopped and stared at me for a brief second and then giggled, no guffawed at me. He was leading me back up to the bank of rooms we were sharing, my room and His room adjoined so as to once again keep folks out of our business as it were, when i woke up.

i'm not taking it as anything more than a dream at this point. it was funny and bizarre and while i would love for Him to have met my father that won't be happening. i have blathered on again but i'm feeling better for real. and i can't ask for anything more than that right now.

peace
red


Try A Little Tenderness
Otis Redding

oh she may be weary
them young girls they do get wearied
wearing that same old miniskirt dress
but when she gets weary
you try a little tenderness
oh man that
un hunh
i know shes waiting
just anticipating
the thing that youl never never possess
no no no
but while she there waiting
try just a little bit of tenderness
thats all you got to do
now it might be a little bit sentimental no
but she has her greavs and care
but the soft words they are spoke so gentle
yeah yeah yeah
and it makes it easier to bear
oh she wont regret it
no no
them young girls they dont forget it
love is their whole happiness
yeah yeha yeah
but its all so easy
all you got to do is try
try a little tenderness
yeah
damn that hart (hard?)
all you got to do is know how to love her
you've got to
hold her
squeeze her
never leave her
now get to her
got got got to try a little tenderness
yeah yeah
lord have mercy now
all you got to do is take my advice
you've got to hold her
don't squeeze her
never leave her
you've got to hold her
and never
so you got to try a little tenderness
a little tenderness
a little tenderness
a little tenderness
you've got to
got to got to
you've gotta hold her
don't squeeze her
never leaver her
you got
got got got to
now now now
got got got to
try a little tenderness
ye

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1 comment

  1. Very happy to see that you are feeling better!!! oments like that can take time to accept, but you sound very fine with it right now... ;-)

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