Wednesday, November 30, 2005
this entry has no title as of yet. it may not have one at all. today is november 30, 2005. it held no special value for me when i woke up save the fact that today, like every last day of the month (that falls during the work week lol) is payday. i pay rent and other assorted bills tomorrow. nine days after that my mother moves in and another phase of my life begins. today is also the day that a woman i met only once committed suicide. she worked downstairs in a part of my building i never have to access. i knew that she smiled when i was there and seemed friendly. however, past that i know nothing of her and who she was. the building feels wrong today. my patience is thin and my energy has gone but i am still here. a family lost its wife and mother this morning. friends lost someone they cared about. a church lost an active member because this woman needed help and none of us understood how deeply. would we have been able to stop this? i am not sure but it pains me that i won't ever know the answer to that. it pains me that there are more people like her in this building, this community, this country who are also crying out for help silently. if you pray, please pray for her friends and family that are much more confused than i am. if you believe in something bigger than yourself hope that she found peace. i'll be fine. in a few sentances i will probably shift back to my life but only because i understand that and i need to understand something right now. okay thanks guys.

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