half naked thursday lol, not really

Thursday, December 08, 2005
ok today was gonna be my first half naked thursday post. but honestly i'm tired and sleepy and too lazy to hook up the digital camera to post the photo. however, it may be an addition to fetish friday or may go up next week as a HNT post. i did take several cuties this morning and i hope everyone likes the lacey things i was wearing whenever i post. okay time to move on.

it snowed for the first time today. it melted before i got home so i didn't stop to take pictures for my brother like i normally would. it was entirely TOO cold to do that this morning so i just ran into my office in my sneakers and got out of the cold. my clients all came, well one cancelled but she's beyond flaky, and they were all good sessions. i have a few clients that always make me think about Emperor. not because they look remotely like Him but because of the relationship issues they are having. one of those clients came into today and oddly enough her boyfriend has the same name as Emperor so it's always funny for me to hear her say his name during the session. anyway, they have some communication glitches partly because she hadn't said what she needed to and then would explode. i don't have that problem per se. i have a fair grasp of venting and know when it needs to be done. i haven't necessarily done it as much as i would like to but initially Emperor was quite receptive to that. lately though, especially when the comments i make seem innocuous to me, we end up in a tiff and i hate that. i don't want Him upset with me and i don't want to be upset with Him. it just takes me back to that limbo moment i mentioned before.

i adore that man, He really can bring about the silliest of smiles on my face. but i've always feared that i couldn't be what He desired and that is probably influencing things for us on either end of this thing. i believe we could make one another quite happy but there has to be that discussion about real wants and desires and negotiating if the reality can match the emotion--at least the emotion on my part. until that happens all i can really tell you all is i still long for His hands and His kiss and His laughter and His happiness and really just Him.

ETA: a poem i was thinking of when i was listening to music on the way home, i just wrote it so it's rough

Voices croon out of oversized speakers
The music swells as the voice becomes more intense
More urgent
More demanding that I listen
That my body responds to its pleas
The music surrounds my body and pulls me closer
Like I wish his hands would do
I wish his lips would caress my neck the way the chords from the cello are doing right now
That he would pluck my strings in time with the music that has me hypnotized
I can't help thinking it's a miracle you're here
The voice is soothing and makes my chest swell with anticipation
A sigh escapes my lips as I am again lost in thoughts of him
I can imagine fingertips playing in my hair and drop my head absentmindedly
Lost in that space that is created from being near him
I want the softness to continue
For the music to always envelope me
And make me think of him with the feeling of longing I have right now
But if you'd only told me baby I would have made some other plans
I know it will fade all too soon
And leave me with a dull ache
That will be broken briefly by the next crescendo that sweeps me up
I can't help thinking it's a miracle you're here
And that can only be alleviated by his presence

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