what becomes of the brokenhearted

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
okay music is in my head today. a billion songs have been parading through my brain all day. i finally let go of tp3 and went on to another old standard. i love george michael. but lately he's been hitting on all the right buttons for some reason. if i popped my prince back in i'm sure the same thing would happen but it's been george. anyhoo i was driving home tonight. rushing actually to get to the apartment manager who IS NEVER THERE but i digress. i am starting to ignore a few of the weaker lyrically songs and enjoying the music. that was the point tonight but then i heard a phrase and it made me go well DUH!

I know you think that you're safe
Sister
Harmless affection
That keeps things this way
It's the ones who persist for the sake of a kiss
Who will pay
Cowboys and angels
They all take a shine to you
Why should I imagine that I was designed for you
Why should I believe
That you would stay


the last three lines are really what made me go, duh red. you love you lose you are better for it in this life. does that mean i want to lose anyone? heck no!!! if it ever occured to me that i could be happy with one person forever i would gladly move heaven and earth to be with him. but i need to know he wants me there cause otherwise the mountains on my back get heavy and i just wanna move clear across the galaxy to get off the planet where he and i won't be together. okay so that's a bit dramatic but still i don't like rejection but i hate pity even more. i do have an amazing amount of patience and i'm loyal to a fault but even as those are given without reservation i need to be stroked like a good kitty from time to time.

so oh well on that i just loved that piece of the song and was happy about it. ignore the title i am so not brokenhearted, well not really. i'm in limbo mostly. the simple adoration He produced in me hasn't gone anywhere but that cavernous hole created by His need for distance isn't there anymore either. i'm just here. as i said yesterday part of me still longs for Him, to be what He wants me to be. and that part is still fighting with the other part of me that would miss His touch but isn't sure we'll ever be what He wants so she would rather just be alone. she's not winning right now or very strong for that matter but she's still there. maybe He can quiet her down, maybe He can't but we won't know until He decides something. until then i'll be spinning george again.

y'all be good
red

You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.
You realize that working the system does get you further.
You know who to defer to and who to control.
When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.


Your Birth Month is December

You love life and exude an outgoing, cheerful vibe.
Blessed with a great sense of humor, you can laugh at adversity.

Your soul reflects: Celebration, success, and wealth

Your gemstone: Blue Topaz

Your flower: Narcissus

Your colors: Indigo, green, and blue-green


Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer

"My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me"

You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

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