confessions of a submissive mind

Sunday, January 15, 2006
okay excuse this first part as it has nothing to do with the confession piece. i rarely talk about sports here because if i did i could ramble on indefinitely. i love sports, nearly all sports, they entertain me greatly and i love the raw aggression of men's professional sports because they are so big and freaking quick. if you are a fan of this team i so apologize but i am not because i detest their quarterback. okay enough with the preamble----ding dong the witch is dead, peyton manning can join his brother on an early vacation yet AGAIN. no matter how talented that man allegedly is he is NEVER able to get over that proverbial hump. and i don't have to hear about him anymore this playoffs as the greatest thing since sliced bread. he can kisseth my submissive asseth. wooo yeah!!!! okay all done i promise.

i can't necessarily call the stuff that is about to spew out a confession more than some random ponderings but i was tired of calling posts ramblings so here ya go. this could have just as easily been titled on being wanted but that would have been ripping off a thought of a friend and would have only captured part of what is on my mind today. it's where i will start though. i am an African American female submissive (technically slave) to my precious and wonderful Dom/Master Emperor. most of the time, life is good as far as i am concerned. the distance is not desired and i am more than willing to not make it a barrier between us. He guards His privacy, and thereby my own, very intensely which i appreciate. He makes me think of no one else in this context period. He's what i want and i am good with that. here's the piece i've been struggling with as you all know. when He's not around or easily accessible i periodically worry. not just because, as we've discussed, i'm not in my mind the person He would look for first but also because He has constant access to women more aligned with His preferences. women who like myself are submissive and looking for an acceptable Dom. i mean if He's intriguing to me why wouldn't He be intriguing to them? and if they are more in tune with His preferences why wouldn't He be tempted to if not just take one of them who are closer and a better fit? yes, paranoid on my part and yes more than likely has no basis in reality but the thoughts come until they are fought away. i'm not sure if He would ever say more to me about this than pet stop it but maybe He should. what would work i am definitely not sure but it may recenter my brain on the task at hand. ahh well, moving on because i am not going to belabor that point right now.

as i mentioned in yesterday's post, the world is attending to my need for an ego stroke. it's nice to be sought after by people. to be told you are attractive to them and that they want to do unspeakably wicked things to you. another few offers to bounce on the propositioners tongue. another few Doms wondering if i might consider leaving Emperor and become their dutiful pet. their first and only pet with a certainty of being collared and cherished. don't worry, they haven't officially done anything inappropriate as i am as of yet uncollared by Emperor even though i no desire to go anywhere just because that has not happened yet. anyway, the attention is nice but it's not coming from the only person that really matters to me so it's somewhat hollow as well.

i am just rambling at this point. i know that unless i am released i'll be right where i am now if you came looking for me in three months. maybe a little more secure in my submission but still right where i am now, missing Emperor and wanting to do all that i can to keep Him happy.

okay going to go watch cartoons now so see ya
red

Inara
You are Inara, the registerred Companion. you are
sexy, sensual and skilled, yet have trouble
admitting to your emotions. You swing both
ways.


Which Firefly character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

post-signature

4 comments

  1. Wow a submissive african american woman!! I just read your blog and it is very interesting. I am a black male in atlanta and refreshing to know that there are young sistahs out here who are subs to their doms. So do your thing and i hope your dom is who and what your looking for.

    ReplyDelete
  2. more often than not my Dom is exactly what my little heart desires. when He's not i just try to focus on those moments He is. thanks for stopping by.

    ReplyDelete
  3. red velvet... I don't know... Feels likeit is months I'm reading you... and you are still wondering if and if not...
    I feel bad for you... I'd like your Emperor to be much more present in your real life... and never gave you matter to have such depressing thoughts as you have... It shouldn't be like that... not at the point that other Doms are showing interests for you...
    Oh! boy!... like I know what I'm talking about... sorry for that... but it is how I feel when I read you since a few weeks... You should be happy by now... you gave so much and have still so much to give... ;-))
    Friendly...

    ReplyDelete
  4. well the other doms have always been around, they are just being a little more direct about what they have to offer as of late and i stil say quite plainly i'm with Emperor. i wish He was a little more present too but for the moment it has to be like this i guess. and since i can vent here and get it all out i tend to be okay more often than not. thanks for checking up on me though.

    hugs

    ReplyDelete