falling in love again

Wednesday, January 25, 2006
wow wednesday again so soon. where the hell did the last week go? there wasn't anything major going on that i can remember except being swamped with work and even that wasn't so torturous that i couldn't get it done. i will admit i've been distracted by family issues and the sudden silence in my place since my mother has vanished to address the family issues.

it's made me miss Emperor, all of this silence. having Him here, laughing and letting me take care of Him would be so nice. this simple pleasure has made me do what i always do and take stock of life. save my grandmother's illness and my mother's worry i have no reason to be too upset right now. i love a man who is by no means perfect, but has qualities that could mean He's perfect for me. i am enjoying the gradual rebuilding of my own self-image into one that truly does think of His wants and desires even as i attempt to mesh them with my own. i daydream about coming home to Him and tidying up, making dinner and listening to some jazz before He bursts through the door saying "pet I'm home."

i daydream that on the surface we look like a very traditional couple as i put away His coat. i bring Him a drink and sit at His feet until He finishes running His hand through the nice big curls sitting on my head and announces He's ready for dinner. we eat and recount parts of our day we think need to be shared and after He's done, i clear the table. we sit briefly in the den as He finishes some paperwork and i read a journal or a book or something. He looks at me and i know to go shower and lay out the toys. i brush my hair down the way He likes it and kneel next to the bed. the rest is a blur depending on the level of depravity my brain has sunk to but i always end up tied to the bed, moaning and blissful. wonderful wonderful daydream.

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