being still

Friday, February 17, 2006
this week hasn't been entirely fun at all. i've been stressed and depressed and anxious and have this repeated notion that someone is reaching inside my chest to rip out my heart. i have been working more which is good i guess but as soon as the work is over then what do i get to do? nothing much has changed with respect to He and i. i'm not sure if or when it will. but i have to be okay with that, not because i'm submissive, but because there aren't a lot of other choices. wailing emotional pleas don't do anyone any good and end up making my head hurt anyway. i can't say that i've done all that i could do to fix things, if they are even able to be fixed, because i'm not sure what that would need to be and doing things randomly would only upset Him more. i've been open and honest and all i can do now is be patient. whatever is meant to be will come to pass. in the meantime i'll pop in periodically and let you all know i'm still alive lol. thanks for all of your concern, i do appreciate it, and i'll continue on doing what i can each day to make me at least appear normal to those around me (well maybe i shouldn't shoot for normal as i'm abnormal to begin with). okay enough of this, time to shop for a new laptop and then get ready to run errands and go home.

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