did i fall and bump my head

Friday, February 10, 2006
i must have fallen quite hard. this post may be long but i doubt it. my ex called tonight, with his wife on the phone lol, apparently he's bared his soul to her again and is trying to work on his marriage again so we can't be friends anymore again. okay i am really dying laughing and that may sound odd but did you count the number of times i said again? he really hurt my feelings when we originally cut off contact five years ago at this point. we hadn't been dating or anything for years but we had been friends of some sort for seven years at that point. i was tickled to meet him again last year and touch base with my "friend" except my friend wanted to get more than friendly. i put him out and sent him home to the wife he's now clinging to again. we cut ties then again and imagine my shock and awe when i heard from him last month. the conversation quickly got flirty but we are a time zone, 1000 or so miles and two totally different relationships away from being anything remotely resembling a relationship. at this point all i can do is chuckle because really if i wanted to see him i could have hopped a plane to indy or detroit or atlanta when he invited me to.

instead i booked a flight to see Emperor and sat still with myself for a while. where i need to be right now is sending me six hundred miles from here to the man that understands how my brain and body ticks better than i do sometimes. if i was able to be happy with someone else's husband then i'd never have run into Emperor in the first place. i'd be chasing after mr. chocolate or mr. honey (we haven't talked about him) and enjoying my status as someone's mistress. i'm selfish though. i'd share Emperor only when asked and while i'd acquiesce i'd rather shove whomever it is out of a large window about 20 stories up. He is all i want right now and i can't say that ALL of the time. 96% of the time i'm pretty sure but that 4% is a bear lol. okay i'm done i just had to share that with you.

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2 comments

  1. The best part of this is your ability to chuckle through the phone call and see the humor in it afterwards.

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  2. thanks Master Enigma,

    i couldn't do anything BUT laugh. he was one of the only people i can say i loved despite myself when it was clear he would never respond in a way i wanted. flirting with him is great but beyond that he's just a shiny thing to look at. my brass ring for the immediate future is Emperor and it takes periodic intrusions from my past to show me where my future lies.

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