happy 200th posts and etcetera

Tuesday, February 28, 2006
okay so this is the 200th post and there may be a lot of ground to cover. first, who knew i'd have so much to say in the course of six/seven months. glad you all stuck around and welcome to the newbies.

briefly, we did get word today and we all did get drunk. of the three men involved only one will be remaining home with his family. the two others, nice tall man included, will be leaving for basic training on friday and will only for certain be stateside for the next six weeks. after that, what they have to do and where they have to go will be determined by a body that has nothing to do with the four bodies to which i am most concerned about. friday night the drinking will commence again and i will attempt to not do the massive weeping girly thing. i mean i don't want the man i just met and who makes me very tickled to disappear just yet. thanks to one of the four aforementioned bodies (say that four times fast) i am aware that the feeling is mutual but still does nothing to relieve that slow burn. i am worried about his daughter and what having daddy so abruptly uprooted from her life will mean for her. i am worried that he'll see and have to do things he won't be able to erase from his brain or conscience anytime soon. and i worry honestly that he just won't be back at all, as we seem to never be leaving these places that don't want us and people are dying at such a clip that i have totally stopped listening to the number because it just outrages me. that's not a worry i'm going to entertain as much as humanly possible. until we know where he has to go and what he has to do this is all unnecessary worry even if it is based in reality.

instead i'll keep having those lacking in reality fantasies. lacking in reality only because they haven't been done because at this point i think we both REALLY want them to not just be daydreams. the situation may have sped things along but i am a ridiculous flirt and he apparently needed a good flirt. plus, and i can say this with all honesty, our mutual friend seemed to read us both well and gave usboth a gentle nudge. well she tried before. i wasn't really trying to go there just then. but as soon as i was officially free i was more than willing to at least have the conversation. and that's what we have been doing since then. having interesting, silly, flirty conversations that spawned that last post. and what a lovely post that was.

there is still a massive amount to learn about him. what i do know of him makes me glad that we've at least had the last few days to speak to one another. he's just cute to me and makes me blush and i am so not with the whole blushing thing on a regular basis. i am still quite fascinated what it would be like to be cradle against his chest as we slept. but right now that's not the image that is ruling my alcohol tinted brain. we're kissing in my bed. he's playing in my hair and it makes me sigh. the kiss breaks and he let's his hand brush against my cheek. i sit up remembering our bodies are connected and revel in the feeling of being with him. slowly and gently we continue to float off into that time standing still space that sometimes comes about when you are being impulsive. talking and touching, kissing and giggling, there is no wanton panting slut in this daydream. just a woman wanting a man that has intrigued her, trying to please them both, and immensely enjoying just having him near her. there to touch, smile at, kiss, hand over a chord of rope to when he finally asks for it lol. you know perfectly subbie daydream.

good night for now
red

post-signature

4 comments

  1. I struggle to find the right words. I can only say that I have seen war and I returned with things in my mind that can never be articulated, but in some weird way I was made a better man by those horrid things.

    If folks care about you and welcome you back then I think the transition is easier. But for each person the experience is so different. My brother has been to the Gulf area 3 times for a total of 42 months in the last 10 years. He keeps volunteering to go back. I am sure he still wrestles demons and will keep going back until either he wins or they put him down.

    I was in Nam in '73. One of the last to spen time there. And certainly one of the last to leave the country. I never want to do it again. So we are quite different in that sort of thing.

    This is supposed to be a comment and I find myself rambling. Not sure if any of these words matter or will help you.

    I wish you the best.

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  2. they do matter, thanks Master Enigma. my father was in the service and i just remember the things he couldn't even make himself say after he left for various things. i pray that they both come back safely and to people that care about them, i'll be waiting for whatever it is fate has in store for us but he will definitely have a friend while he is away.

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  3. Hummm... I'm lost... What happened??? Who are you talking about?? Who are those men?? What do you have to do with them?? What is happening with Emperor???

    I know... a lot of questions... but it feels like I'm missins someposts, what I can't believe, because I read the last one more than oncce...
    You can reply to mail if youprefere not rambling on the blog... I'm really lost...LOLOOLOL...

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  4. lol i may not have been very clear in the last few posts. Emperor more or less released me about a week ago. well a week ago exactly. that evening a close friend introduced me to the new him i keep mentioning. he hasn't been named as such as we were just getting to know one another. he and a close friend of his will be leaving for basic training in two days to go defend the country somewhere. right now the men are just my friends. Emperor has moved on and we are friendly but have no plans, at least as far i know, to reunite.

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