his hand on my neck....

Friday, March 03, 2006
odd post title i know but bear with me please lol. it was a long day at work, four clients, an improptu meeting about a staff member and our long standing full staff (not today because we were down many bodies) meeting all took place between 9 and 5 today. oh and in case you hadn't been paying attention the last few posts, the new one that makes me smile, well he left for basic training today and i was slightly terrified from the moment i got to work until i talked to him that i'd miss him and a chance to be awkward and clumsy and say good-bye for now. yeah i said it lol terrified that i wouldn't get a few minutes with him before he went off and had a chance to forget about me. that didn't happen thankfully.

our meeting broke early and i rushed to my office trying to decide if i was going to rush to get lunch and come back or sit and hope that he'd find an few minutes to chat. he was there when i got to my desk and had to leave slightly more than an hour later. so i scrapped lunch and we talked. i did get something to eat later i just didn't see a point in wasting the last bit of time we knew we'd have to talk to one another. the conversation was normal but cautious. neither of us wanting to acknowledge the obvious but at the same time painfully aware of it. his daughter was with our mutual friend and he was feeling better than he expected. we kept it light and flirty until he had to prepare to sign off. it felt like we were fumbling teenagers in the backseat of a car trying not to get caught by one set of parents. he signed off after we both said we wanted to keep in touch and that we'd had a lot of fun the last few days. it was just as sweet as every other interaction we've had. i'm going to miss him and worry about him and hope that he comes back as much for me as for his itty bitty one. she needs him FOR REAL more than i do but i like him and the thought of him.

so now it's nearing midnight and my disdain for combat hasn't reached a fevor pitch yet but having not been personally touched by this junk i was able to ignore the manner in which families are torn apart for the sake of a battle we allegedly just HAVE to fight. i'm hurting for my girl, who is being way more understanding about my random sighs than i might be lol. she at least seems more composed than i would be in her place. i'm not sure which one of us is drinking more but we'll balance it out before the weekend is over. i can't stay blitzed and neither can she but a little liquid memory eraser is definitely in order. i'm sure they are just as worried where they are. i'm quite positive both at least attempted to put those they care about at ease despite that fact. people's random complaints on the world have annoyed me today. i have wanted to hit at least three people who seemed more self-centered than normal. they can't change what happened and it's not their fault but it doesn't make me any less annoyed. i want her man home with her laughing like they do nearly every weekend. i want him calling me sweety and plotting how to sneak into town and surprise me--like i wouldn't already know but still he'd be plotting. i don't want them where they are now and i don't want them wherever they will be sent unless it doesn't require them leaving the continental united states.

so to the title. i woke up knowing i'd dream about him tonight. he was there last night telling me to be patient and he'd be back. and at least to this point i haven't shed more than a tear here or there. i may cry in my sleep lol but my conscious thought at this point is that i'll be dreaming about what i've been imagining. we're curled up in my new bed (not sure why i have this new bed but i like it lol). i'm laying on my side enjoying him wrapped around me and can feel his arm on my chest and caressing my neck. we're half awake but falling quickly to sleep and i feel very very calm. such a nice thought, if it doesn't pop into my dream i'd be cranky when i woke up till it crossed my mind again. so he has momentarily vacated my nightly chat buddy spot and i am just hope that a year from now we are still friendly and having silly conversations. if we are anything more than that that would be icing on the cake. and no honey we can't take icing off of this one. all right, i have surely rambled and i have more drinking to do lol. y'all be good.

red

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