porque é em minha mente

Sunday, March 12, 2006
for those of you that don't speak portuguese that roughly translates to why is he on my mind. i guess i could have also asked why isn't he on my mind but it's just my mind rambling at this point. don't worry, for those of you that might be, i don't plan on tracking Emperor down and hoping to work things out. even if i wanted to i cannot and would not do that. i do want to talk to him but about what i have no earthly idea. while i want him to be happy i don't want to really know who he's happy with. happy alone i can tolerate, and not just because there is Roaming Soldier, but because it's just too fresh to process happy with someone else. that's rude of me i know, i'm happy wtih someone else even though our entire future is up in the air at this point. i miss my friend i guess. ahh well that is definitely not anything new to be sure. i always miss people after we part ways. and it takes me a bit longer to regain friend status each time if we ever get there as there is at least one person i absolutely hate till this day lol. but i don't hate him, just don't know why he's on my brain right now. i hope he's okay.

beyond that, today has been a good day lol. i slept in, ate what i wanted, made some cookies, watched silly tv, talked to Night Owl and then got a wonderful surprise when Roaming Soldier was able to log on for a bit tonight and speak with me. he checked in with his littlest girl first and then made me smile with the rest of his limited time on the net. i have to admit i let out a loud sigh when he logged on and smiled for a good while after he had logged off. again nothing intense just a sweet, flirty, suggestive conversation that i greatly enjoyed. i'm not sure how long i plan on staying up tonight. it's storming again and the rain is such a wonderful means of falling asleep. save the warmth that invades my room when there is no air, it's almost nicer when the power gets knocked off and i'm forced to enjoy the silence and the candles. i mentioned that to him tonight and both of our minds ran off to indefinitely burning candles, lots of wax and the two of us exploring one another. he's praying for storms when basic is over lol. i'm just praying that i don't do something bizarre and that he continues to be as sweet and intriguing as he is now.

after my brain's foray into the joys of blackout sex lol, i finished updating my cd list which wouldn't be major news but i have eight cases of cds. you know those case logic cushioned things to hold cds. well i started collecting them when i was back in undergrad circa 1993. i had a few dozen cds when i got to college but the joys of marketing plus bmg and columbia house meant i had closer to fifty when freshman year was over. stacking up those plastic cases got old fast so i was thrilled to see the streamlined black cushioned cases. i was shocked when i outgrew tghe first one but very quickly started accumulating cds at an alarming rate. i have slowed down a lot over the last few years. my tastes have shifted a lot andi only buy cds of folks that i really like or can fathom listening to a few years from now. i doubt i'll be filling up case seven anytime soon and case eight is wholly dependent on prince's output over the next few years. i did remember some cds that aren't in there but it won't take nearly as long to add them as the missing ones from the file that was recovered from 1998 and had to be brought up to today. okay i'm tired now. i'm going to have a few private fantasies about RS and maybe share one with him via snail mail.

love ya
red

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