revisiting submission, sort of

Monday, March 13, 2006
back in october i waxed philosophical about what i thought my submission was and this post will attempt to do that again in addition to a myriad of other things. for those you that that know and love taylor this may be more in line with her very introspective posts so get some food if you need it because i will be rambling for a bit.

at the time i was questioning myself and my ability to submit to Emperor because i missed the daily interaction and guidance that i felt was lacking and that others seemed to be getting no matter how much they did or didn't want it. things ebb and flow with D/s relationships. as it was my first, the ebbing and flowing could throw me into a bit of a tailspin from time to time. who was i if i wasn't His pet? it was nearly impossible for me to separate being a submissive from being pet. again, pitfalls of the first relationship. so happy, so eager to please, so devastated when one has appeared to fail. but i am slightly wiser for the experience all around. especially since the overarching message from my time with him is that i am a submissive, hell i'm slavish when i feel a deep enough connection to the One that owns me. not only am i a submissive with slave tendencies but i truly enjoy and thrive when that piece of my life is in place.

that is not to say that i am out of sync and failing to grow without a Dom at the moment. well that's not entirely true. i miss having someone to guide and direct me but life is moving forward. work is getting done. i'm calm again. i'm hypersexual again lol. i am looking for a new someone. well that's not true either lol. thanks to Night Owl i may have found my new someOne. Roaming Soldier is absolutely wonderful in his completely unique way. when we are able to talk it feels like we are cramming days together into a few moments time. it's inane in a way, makes no logical sense, but RS makes me smile and dream of possibilities. of spending time with him and his daughter. of suffering through mommy stories about me that she has to tell repeatedly much to his delight. of being wonderfully domestic and settled. but most of all of fully submitting to someone new. to someone who is embracing me in a different way and has an entirely different way of potentially enfolding me into his life. it's exciting and intriguing and as you have all read quite stimulating.

so what is submission? for me it is an inherent part of who i am. i let it consume me for a while. it was wonderful being consumed don't get me wrong but it was causing a bit of chaos in my life to be real and i'm sure caused a bit of chaos in his. back to what i was saying though. i am a submissive woman. i relate to the world from that standpoint and i am happiest that way. it gives me intense pleasure to turn my will over to someOne that is willing to both appreciate that gift and wants to nurture, shape and guide me into His ultimate desire for the two of us. or in this case potentially the four of us (RS, myself, his daughter and my delightfully quirky mother). regardless of who claims the gift at this point (whooo crossing fingers and toes that it's RS because i do find him so adorable lol and his new name would be so cute), i am now and will always be submissive, derential and looking for someOne that makes me crave his dominance in my life. someOne that simultaneously helps me balance on the line that makes me both His princess and His slut. the person that makes me want to cuddle up to Him and discuss our day before showering, stripping and prostrating myself before Him. this is only person that can own both my body and my heart, both of which will be given to the person that cradles me to Him after visiting upon me the most intense physical pain imaginable and wrapping me up in His loving arms to comfort me.

so for the moment this is what i believe submission to be. i'm sure i'll come back to it eventually. i always do as i am thinking entirely too much most of the time.

see ya boys and girls
red

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2 comments

  1. thanks cuddle, i had to stop and revisit this again and i'm glad i did

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