what dreams may come & should go

Sunday, March 26, 2006
okay i have to get this first part out before it rots my brain and makes me very unhappy. not sure how long it will be but i am almost positive that something more interesting will come right after it. and for the life of me my brain must be in rot central because i am watching james bond (old james bond) and haven't decided to change it yet. i am mad at myself but yet i haven't grabbed the remote. the shame and the horror because it isn't even sean connery's bond it's roger moore's. i mean a good bond to be sure but sean connery just makes me fan myself. yes he's old enough to be my great grandfather most likely but he's got the best voice. okay where was i? oh yes the dream lol.

i dream a lot, sometimes i put effort into remembering other times i happily forget. i have been trying to dump this one but the shower just convinced me to hammer it out and we'll go from there. so here's the deal. i was working at school, woo big shocker there, and i was trying to figure out why i was in that part of the campus as the class i was teaching was at least a ten minute walk from there. that's right i forgot a presentation so i am scurrying up several flights of stairs and in my rushing i drop my cell phone. normally not a huge deal but i was on it and as the damn thing fell the LCD screen cracked. and not one of those polite little chips but one of those i am about to leak hazardous material in your ear cracks. so i pick it up and find myself quite annoyed but i go do the presentation and call the company so they can replace it. they swear that they will ship it out immediately so i can get it tomorrow i say okay and hope i don't need to make any calls anytime soon.

when i get back to my office there is a package with the cell phone i ordered in it but it doesn't look like the one from cell phone provider. that thought goes in and out of my brain as it seems to be working perfectly and i alternate between the two until i get over to where i am meeting friends for a late lunch. we laugh and giggle and they pick up the tab for me since i just dropped a load on the phone. i thought i heard a familiar chuckle but there should have been no reason between heaven and earth for it to be there so i discounted it until i spun around to walk out and saw Emperor sitting in a booth entertaining a waitress until he saw me and then he waved. i'm sure my face made the "what the hell are you doing here" face at him but i waved, made sure i had everything i needed and ran out to my car. he must have paid her already because he just followed me out. my girls were milling around and followed us both out. he ran to catch me and did so at the car. he started talking about being worried about me and he had heard something that made him come find me (i really had apparently disappeared from his life).

i asked what would have made him hunt me down and he told me he had run into some ex (of mine)and a friend of his (of that ex not Emperor lol) that were joking about me falling on hard times and they had to look me up because i would finally marry him (the ex) now. now let me just say that me and the ex had a running joke that we'd marry one another if either of us fell on super hard times but ewww how bizarre would that be for my former Dom to run into this random ex? ok i know my friends and they are asses and the two he mentioned would have been that stupid but really as long as a school is open somewhere i should be okay. he had heard some other things after he hired someone to look for me and either i was newly divorced, my husband had died, or my mother had died really i'm unsure. by this time my girls are trying to comfort him because he looks distraught and i am standing here like wtf is going on. i move everyone out of the way because he is really starting to look bad and i give him a hug and assure him i'm all right. i appreciate that he's come but my life is okay at the present moment. someone remarks over my shoulder that he's done an awful lot to prove he still cares about me. i glance back and shoot her and evil look but before i can say anything he chimes in with of course i still care about her. we ended things badly even if neither one of us was holding a grudge. he hadn't expected me to move on so quickly but he couldn't begrudge me that as i hadn't done that with him. after a while he just felt foolish trying to keep in touch so he didn't. all sounds plausible right? i mean that is what i hope someone would say to me but the rest of it. the above and beyond displays of emotion for him just threw me off and it gets better lol. i let him go at that point and said i needed to get my friends home but maybe we could talk later. they all volunteered to get dropped off with one friend so that the two of us could talk. again i shot everyone one of those da hell is wrong with y'all glances and agreed. we drove away together, they got out about ten minutes later, and we got to my place to talk. he said he had made a mistake will never EVER admit that even when it is the case to me and that he needed to apologize to me see previous note. he knew i was stunned and gave me time to process. i made a drink instead and asked him why now, why was this important to tell me now. he actually had been very concerned about me not making it on my own and just wanted to make sure i was okay. i handed him a drink and sat down on a couch opposite him and was happy to wake up a short time later. nothing had been resolved and nothing had gotten too intense but talk about a way to screw up the happy thoughts i was having before bed.

don't get me wrong Emperor was one of the single most important men in my life for what he gave me and allowed me to explore about myself. but unless it is really warranted i tend to avoid daydreaming about my ex's especially when they have made it crystal clear that they no longer want to be romantically involved with me. and in this case we were on two different wavelengths with that which is even more of a reason to not let my brain drift off like this. now i know you are thinking she's tripping. it was just a dream and dreams don't mean anything. on the whole you are most likely right. it was a subconscious manifestation of emotions left festering in my neural pathways. again i say most likely you are right, it just had the feel of one of those random give it x number of months and this scene will be playing out exactly and you have a decision to make when it does. didn't i insinuate by now that i will not enjoy and do not desire to play that out. we said good-bye to that and i'd prefer to leave it that way. so whatever powers that be that control my predictive dreams can we cancel that last one and play out the first one i had last night.

i was with Roaming Soldier (FINALLY LOL and how unexpected) and having sated our need to both inflict and receive pain, he was buried deeply inside me and we were moving only when necessary to relieve pressure. i haven't done that in ages by the way. just connect to one another and let the pleasure of just being able to touch one another shove you into happy endorphin range. i highly recommend it lol. it was so nice. the sweat was dripping off of us that was there due to friction and excitement of the moment. fingers, tongues, bodies all happily pressed together. it was a lovely postlude to that intense unleashing of the beast that occurred moments before it and i know was sparked by the sweet smile i went to bed with after i heard from him. i won't get into more detail than that right now but i'm feeling another sugasm post being created. it's amazing how much water has been tied to my thoughts of him and that one i can't explain at all. i do enjoy the smiling though. so yes my dreams are strange and twisted but i would prefer to just have the ones that make me blush and not the ones that make me think.

okay i have channeled my inner babbler enough, see ya
red

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4 comments

  1. Dreams - another place, time, reality - subconcious knocking at your mind - or just whisps of fantasy?

    I think sometimes all of those.

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  2. Master Enigma you're probably right about it being a little of all of them. it just through me off entirely and i have this thing about keeping my balance when i can. you have any interesting dreams lately?

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  3. It could be Red that it is as simple as you feel as if you left things unsaid, have unfinished business to tend to with him to have closure. Hope your having a good day hun.

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  4. thus far i'm not as groggy as yesterday and my B$ account keeps growing by leaps and bounds so i'm having a blast lol. as for Emperor, time will reveal all as they say lol. right now it's just nice to be happy and sought after.

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