the girl of his dreams

Thursday, May 04, 2006
okay i just spent fifteen minutes scouring imdb.com for an appropriate title for this post. the word dream HAD to be in there but other than that i was open. in case you haven't figured it out this post will partially be about a dream i had last night. i dream a lot as i'm sure i mentioned. this dream was one for the ages and has to be recorded so i can discuss it in greater detail with Roaming Solider when he gets home. i can't tell you why any of this occured as i truly don't know but bear with me as i might ramble a bit more than normal.

i was on vacation with my girlfriends, at least i think it was vacation, and we were shopping. having a great time and thorougly immersed in it until i notice i'm being watched. i look over and see a very pretty but very quiet woman looking at me. she seems like she wants to say something so i'm moving toward her when my girls ask me something. i turn to answer and when i turn back to her she's gone. we end up at this airport because it's next to the headquarters of an organization that RS is in and i have to go to them to request something he wanted for the wedding---we were getting married did i mention that lol---and i saw her there again. a quick glance and she's gone again. i go to my apartment and see her buzzing my apartment. someone let her in and i am rushing in to catch her at the elevator and thought i have but when i get there it's just a very lifelike mannequin. i'm confused but i just go to my apartment to open a box that was delivered. i open the box and it's wedding invitations but not invitations that i would have ordered. they are white and lacy and just entirely too prissy to be anything i would want. i look at the date and it looks wrong. it's not a month i'd have picked unless we were forced to and it's also a friend's birthday. so i'm getting ready to call RS and tell him the printers screwed up and i wake up.

so i relay this to Roaming Soldier in the rare moment today that we got to talk more than twenty minutes. it was good and lovely talking to him but i'll come back to that. He promised to protect me from the strange woman in my dream but he said something else that was a wow moment for both of us. the misprinted date on the invitations was also his wife's birthday. as much as i like to talk i couldn't say anything for a while after that. thankfully we just agreed to talk about that more when we were together. the rest of the conversation was great by the way. we haven't been able to talk this long in a while and between the flirting, the kissey faces, and the further establishment of some boundaries and guidelines it was great. He gave me my first official assignment today---in case you can't see it lol i'm blushing greatly right now or reddening as the case may be. i am very very happy. i may be limping and nursing a few bite marks and bruises the next post after we finally get some time alone but for now i am very very happy.

so now i'm sure you're wondering about the title of the post. after talking to a few friends, maybe i have been surpressing a fear in this whole situation. intellectually i know that had it not been for a twist of fate it's unlikely we would have ever met or had we that it would have turned into more than a friendship. intellectually i know that he would have spent his life with her and been perfectly happy most likely. and because i know those things i thought that emotionally i was completely okay with the potential of being his second wife and starting a new family with him. and let's say that i'm about 98 percent there. i do worry about that a little, by that i mean the fact that he had started a life that was unfortunately interrupted by things out of his control. how do you walk into that situation not a little afraid? can there be two girls of his dreams? of course there can. i'm just part of the new dream and the new reality of that dream. i'm not sure if last night's guest will return but if she does maybe we can sit down and have a chat this time. she could just be a random figure but something tells me she's more than that---even if it is just something manifested in my brain. it might make both of us feel better lol. we'll see on that for sure. for now i'm going to go eat and bother my mother per one piece of my assignment.

love ya
red

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2 comments

  1. can there be two girls of his dreams? of course there can. i'm just part of the new dream and the new reality of that dream.

    insightful. congratulations on working through it.

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  2. can't say i've worked through it but she didn't pop up last night so i'm okay with that for the moment

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