Yippee the rope hit 300!!!!!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006
okay so apparently i talk a LOT. i started this blog at the end of august last year. i really didn't think i'd use it that much. it became a place to vent initially about my overall confusion stepping into submission and about my "relationship" with Emperor. the quotations are based on conversations we had as the entire situation was crumbling around us in february. we've gotten past that to a large part and can be friendly but it's hard to process what happened in all of that. but then again that's partly because of what happened shortly after that other "relationship" went kaput.

in what can only be described as a wonderful twist of fate, the day i was struggling with the knife in my heart i met a man that made me smile. He didn't push too hard, He didn't try to be anything but friendly. He was the best thing ever in retrospect. and i have to say it's primarily because He reminded me of my father. He made me girly and happy and opened up His world to me very quickly. couldn't have asked for anything more than that. and to date i haven't had to. He finds nice things to make me smile, in between reminding me about all the nasty little things that He plans on doing to me and making me reduce the kitten population while inspiring the smut you all love so much. i have to admit i wasn't expecting much. not because He wasn't exactly as i described but i had just stopped expecting men to be much of anything . expectations kept getting my feelings hurt. if i took them where they were and worked with that then i couldn't have been too upset if things didn't work out. i never let myself build them up to checklist man (reader's note, checklist man is what i affectionately call the elusive perfect man, no man is perfect though so looking for one to be that way just leads to mass confusion). instead i started looking for the man that made me smile more often than not and made me feel safe. not safe from danger because i'm pretty good at avoiding that. but safe that He respects me and cares about me and wants to protect me from any drama that He can avoid from bringing into our lives. that seems simple enough but you'd be amazed how hard it is to get that and keep that in place.

which brings be back to now. there's a fair shot this blog would have crept along on life support for a while after things ended in february if it were not for Roaming Soldier. i really didn't have a lot to talk about in my brain for a while. i went numb largely and it was because of Him that i turned back into my flirty, silly, smut writing self. He, even though He's thousands of miles away right now, is the rock i depend on more than He knows. whenever i'm at my wits end and just feel like i would rather crawl up in the bed and stay there indefinitely, He shows up and makes me smile and/or cry. the crying is necessary and it's always because i'm happy but yeah He can make me perk up and rejoin the rest of the world with a few words and those sweet little electronic kisses. so here i am being a good girl and missing Him but happy that the world is as it is now. of course i have regrets, all of us do, but i couldn't be happier than i am at this moment in time. i love Him and He loves me and truthfully nothing could feel more perfect than this does right now.

so happy 300th post lovely readers and see ya around
red

ps kittens are dying again woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol sorry couldn't help it.

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4 comments

  1. He sounds like a wonderful man. I am sure that he feels the same way about you.


    RA III

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  2. thanks cuddle, honey if you need to talk please let me know

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  3. anonymous,

    He's all that plus a big old bag of hershey's kisses. i hope He feels the same way and as soon as He's home we'll be able to verify that.

    thanks for stopping by.

    red

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