this is me, deal with it

Saturday, August 26, 2006
i wanna be a little pissy today but truth be told i can't. i have made my peace with nearly every relationship that has ended over the last year or so. i don't hate anyone but i'm not exactly looking to build any bridges with them either. the entry and exit out of my life has been for a reason and i respect whatever Higher Power has deemed it so. that may change in the future but it may not. the people that are in my life now, few in number though they are, i know love me and have my back and that's all that matters. i know that people, particularly women, don't understand me on a basic level. i am simultaneously flirty as all hell, smart as i wish to share, reserved, respectful of myself and relationship boundaries and expressing no real desire for assistance or bonding time with most women. why might you ask? well because they are catty and paranoid entirely too much. men might have the emotions but they don't share them with me, at least not very long because i get rid of folks that can't trust me, and that's why as a whole we get along much better. will i flirt with your man? depends on how i know him. if YOU are my friend of course not, that's violating girlfriend boundaries. if HE is my friend, probably but it's nothing either one of us take seriously. 99 percent of the time any conversation i'm having with ANY man i know is directed toward his relationship if he's in one. if he's not then we joke around like the kids did in Cruel Intentions. by that i mean, it can be sexual but most of it is jabbing at one another to see who says uncle first and at NO moment in time is anyone making plans to figure out if slot a will fit in slot b. yeah it can appear naughty to someone looking in from the outside and without knowing me personally but trust your loved ones to not violate your agreements whatever they may be as i won't be assisting them with trying to step out on you. at the end of the thought, conversation, day whatever my heart and soul belong to someone else.



my Roaming Soldier, wonderful man that He is, is unavailable for a few days and somehow knowing that makes it slightly better but of course i want Him home. i've been keeping a journal of our communications from the beginning till now. not sure why but it seemed important for me to do after we knew He had to leave. six months of exchanges between us has yielded 264 single spaced pages with jacked up margins (just reformated to see what it would be like on word default settings 306 pages lol so yeah the margins are retarded). the binder the journal is in probably will get us through another few months and then it will have to be retired. if we eliminate some of the naughty bits ROFLMAO it may be a sweet gift for the kids we are thinking about having. this is how your parents fell in love with one another, during a stupid war sharing each other's words and dreams. Night Owl just said we can't talk anymore lol but as long as He's home before we hit 1000 pages i won't have to hurt anyone.



let's take a moment of silence here for all the kittens that left the earth this afternoon. okay that's enough of that. i'd been feeling decidely unsexual the last few days. the nervous energy has subsided and so my need to orgasm became paramount again. however, it required me to go on a battery changing spree as i had apparently exhausted the toys prior to this morning. once they were back up to full strength i had a lovely time. one device is remotely controlled and has a timer. four minutes after it was on, i was off and floating. i will hate to see what He does when that when He gets home. thankfully He's not into orgasm control or else i'd be in SOOOOOOOOO much trouble. all right i think i'm done for now. i still need to figure out what i want for dinner and decide if today is a shaving day or not. all right, see ya.

red

eta for the nice tall Man in my life






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