List 3 things you keep putting off.
finishing my chapter website
What do you feel is your greatest responsibility?
to attempt to do right by people
If you could have starred in any movie, which one would you have wanted to be in and why?
X-Men so i could replace Halle Berry and be a much more kickass Storm, Queen of the Damned so i could have replaced Aaliyah and molested Stuart Townsend AND made them stay on script better, or Michelle Pfieffer so i could slinky around in the homemade catsuit and demand that i be in the catwoman spin off again replacing Halle Berry
What is an expectation you had as a child about being an adult and, now that you are grown up, you realize you were wrong?
that i'd be married and have kids by now---i'm just recognizing i like kids lol, well enough to let them come out of me
When was the last time you had your car serviced?
whenever they issued the last recall
anyone that wants to do it, feel free
she was tired. At His suggestion, she had begun trailing their oldest daughter to girl scouts. it was something else they could do together and she might find something else she could excel at. He was always concerned with making her smile and making sure she knew she was talented. Well even more talented than she was consciously aware of most of the time. Their daughter left to spend the night with friends and the little ones had been out for hours. her head was in His lap and He was idly playing in her hair. her breathing deepened as it always did when His hands touched her. And the other thing that normally happened when His skin made contact with her flesh occured as well. she began to fidget a bit as her bra and top started to feel tighter and her pussy began to stir. she felt slightly self-conscious as He had found a nice form fitting troop leader top for her and a skirt that was hugging her ass but was brushing the middle of her thighs. Since they were alone she could skip with the formalities of their name and address Him the way they both preferred.
"Daddy may i ask You a question?"
"yes baby you may."
"can i have Daddy's permission to ride His dick tonight?" she felt His thigh twitch slightly. she was sure she caught Him off guard but He was never one to stay that way long.
"Yes you may baby but you know what I want from you first." she sat up and began arranging the room. she turned on HIs favorite cd and lit candles around the room. she bounced up the stairs and checked on the children and kissed each on the forehead before she went back down the steps. her hand was on the button of her shirt so that she could start undressing for him. "No baby stop that come here." she crossed over the living room to Him and knelt in front of Him. "Get your bottle darling."
she loved when He said that. It normally meant she could suck Him as long as her throat would accomodate Him. she unzipped Hispants and adjusted His underwear so that His dick was free and wouldn't be injured if she got excited. she slowly wrapped her lips around her bottle and sighed drawing Him deeper into her throat. His hands were playing in her hair which she loved but something felt different. He was pulling her hair into ponytails while she sucked Him. When He was done, His hand slid down her back and sank underneath her skirt. He toyed with her tattoo and felt her tongue respond to His touch. He removed His hand and then flipped her skirt up. A nice burgandy pair of panties covered her bottom but what He wanted access to was underneath them. He told her to stop and stand up. she did so slightly begrudgingly and put her thumb in her mouth to attemp to stop her mouth from reaffixing to His dick.
it was the look He had been unconsciously waiting for and felt His dick jump. He yanked off her panties as she stood there looking surprised. He pulled her into His lap so fast that she didn't have time to get comfortable. her knees were straddling His waist as His dick slipped inside of her. she began bouncing eagerly, grateful to be full after the long day. He unbuttoned her top completely and then forced her breasts over the edges of her bra. He bit her tits and sucked her nipples as he watched her ponytails flail around helplessly and her thumb absentmindedly brushed her bottom lip. He groaned around her nipple and picked her up quickly. He lay her across the oversized wooden table in front of the sofa and she instictively wrapped her legs around His waist. she bucked up into Him as He drilled deeper into her. They were both soon panting and making noises that resembled grunting. she begged Him to let her cum and He kept refusing. she coudln't figure out why but it dawned on her that she hadn't said Daddy. As that thought hit her though, so did another intense wave of pleasure. she stuck her thumb in her mouth to stop herself from screaming and waking up the kids. she mumbled around her thumb, "Daddy please let me cum."
"Yes baby you may cum now." He pistoned into her harder than she could remember recently. she let her body shake itself loose of the orgasm He had been restricting. He kissed her neck as her fingers trailed down His head and back.
"Daddy, not that i am complaining in the least but what brought that on?"
"Ever since you got home I wanted to fuck you in that outfit. But I knew you were tired and didn't want to force you into anything. Watching you come down the stairs after 'Daddy can i fuck you' was more than i could let pass."
"ahh so Daddy likes it when i look all innocent?"
"Of course baby," He replied as He sat back on the couch and pulled her back into His lap. her head reclined back to its original position and He tugged the scrunchies out of her hair. He brushed it back together with her fingers and she sighed again.
"i guess i should keep this outfit clean huh Daddy."
"Not to worry, you have eight more upstairs in the closet."
she giggled then and drifted off to sleep moments after He reinserted her bottle. He sighed and marvled that her mouth never went lax when He was between her lips. He let her periodically tug at Him for about ten minutes before He wanted her in bed. He swatted her on the bottom and she stood up. He blew out the candles and turned off the music before guiding her to their room in the darkness. They both climbed into bed fully dressed but disheveled. she snuggled into His chest and was happy to feel His hands wrap around the small of her back. He was happy their family was safe and that she loved Him so intensely. The outfit would get put to good use soon enough they were both sure of that.
it's a simple dream. one i've probably been having for years and just wasn't able to put a name to the person. Roaming Soldier and i are just relaxing at home. the kids are roaming around the house and children do. a ten year old girl is desperately trying to hide from a pair of inquisitive two year old boys and i am enjoying being still for five minutes. no one is screaming, no one needs anything and Daddy (lol) is surveying all of this from the spot on the sofa he has commandered. He pulls me close to him and i giggle (did i mention i'm not a giggler by the way) as i try to escape his grasp. it doesn't work, it never does and we fall into a familar but highly enjoyable habit. He strokes my hair and i whisper that i couldn't imagine being happier than i am at that moment. the calm is momentarily broken as children show up eager to be fed and the phone rings. He grabs the phone while i grab babies lol and everyone heads for the dinner table. He's smiling at me and nods which means that was the call from the nice doctor woman to tell me we're expecting again and surprise it's more twins. now why she didn't tell me that at the office i can't explain i just know that's what happened. oh and this set are girls so the hormonal balance in the household is jutting back over to estrogen lol. we both laugh, the kids are actually excited and we have dinner. phone calls to relatives and friends are made including my mother who is off on vacation somewhere lol. and after the kids have been put to bed and a warm bath of our own we discuss the fact that we aren't having any more kids lol. well at least i discuss it and RS laughs at me. and i wake up as we drift off into a pleasant sleep.
lord my dreams are getting sappy.
talk to you all later
ps for anyone that is waiting for it lol the next installment of the cookie peddler will be up either today or tomorrow
|People Envy Your Energy|
You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success.
People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!
i'm sure some of you will be looking at the time this was posted and think what is she talking about with this title as it is clearly not lunchtime. but then again maybe i'm the one thinking too hard. i can do that sometimes. today was not one of those days technically. i came in early (read on time but half of us never do that because we are not morning people) for a meeting so we can hire someone new and immediately after that i had two clients. i wasn't bored but i wasn't exactly on top of my game either. my body started reacting to something. at the time it wasn't registering what that was but looking back it was raining, my brain was quiet, i could hear Roaming Soldier in my brain telling me that Daddy loved His big little girl and the contractions were happening all on their own. i tried to stop them as i didn't want to kill any kittens in the office but i was quickly overtaken by them. then RS was with me. not literally or else this would not be getting typed but he was talking to me and kissing me and with a well timed phrase pushed me over the edge. my fingers never journeyed below my waist but a kitten was dead all the same. that hasn't happened since high school when my would be dom used to force me to cum on command--it was fine unless it was one that had been buildng and i felt like i was ready to pass out. regardless i was floaty and happy immediately after our conversation and have been smiling most of the time since. i'll let you know if the charge is as intense after he rubs his hands over my neck. okay bye for now.
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Experiences (and a Funny)
but she only sees him as the farmhand that works diligently on the family farm.
everyday for years he replies to every request she asks with as you wish (so she thinks but he's really saying i love you) until she finally recognizes she loves him too (and can now magically hear the words he's always been saying) and he journeys off to make money so he can marry her and they can live happily ever after. he goes off to work for the dred pirate roberts and she gets word that he has been killed.
she is heartbroken and promised to a vain prince who wants her killed so he can start a war.
he solicits the help of idiots that fail miserably. and the dred pirates roberts come back to "save her" and turns out that well surprise surprise it's wesley back from the dead. he battles the idiots and being killed by humperdink (he was brought back to life by miracle max so no worries). and then after years apart and his death they are finally allowed to express all that pent up emotion with a kiss. and we get to assume they lived happily ever after.
now what does all of this have to do with Roaming Soldier and i. well it's mainly the graphic below all of this writing but i had to set you up with the full story so that you knew where the strange troll man came from. he is one of the idiots solicited for help. he repeatedly says inconceivable in reaction to wesley's die hard pursuit of the kidnapped princess in his momentary care. now i'm sure you're heads are being scratched furiously. what the hell is inconceivable about Roaming Soldier and i? honestly neither one of us was expecting a whole lot when we started chatting. i know on my end i was thinking i might find a new Dom for a while and as he was friends with Night Owl i trusted that he wouldn't be a total and complete dick. but other than that no major expecations. He definitely had none of me as he has been happily single for the last few years and was intrigued by the idea of having a sub but nothing much beyond that.
fast forward to now and the rush of emotion that comes for both of us and yeah it's a bit inconceivable that we are so connected that one often speaks into existence what the other was pondering. it makes us both a little shocked but it's a happy shock. we aren't in love, rationally we know that takes more time than we have at the moment, but we do love one another. He is what i want and i am trying very hard to be the same for him. so if i'm feeling a little goofy from time to time and just type in as you wish randomly know that i'm giddy because of him and the situation and the promise for the future.
okay enough of this for now,
PS this is the 250th post for the velvet rope
i almost called this post "the company you keep" but changed my mind. the last year and a half has been one of amazing self-discovery for me and some interesting growing pains. growth edges i think they are called in my profession lol. anyway, i am a relatively "new" submissive. by that i mean applying the term to myself as opposed to how i interact with men in my life. i always tried to slip into the role but pushing men into inflicting pain on me wasn't happening. so instead i had a LOT of sex with a few people. limited number of partners but fucked like bunnies lol. i couldn't get enough. sexual appetite was out of control for over a year. if i wasn't discriminating (and oh my God i was) i could have easily been labeled a nymphomaniac. little things that shouldn't remotely be sexual for me were and my natural flirtiness went into overdrive. i am an incorrigible flirt. i am quick to play on words, seize an opportunity to push the proverbial envelope. i may even stoke the fantasies of those i'm flirting with before i log off/walk off/hang up from whomever i'm chatting with. their imagination is fueled, i get motivation to kill some kittens and appreciate the fact that RS does the same things with me the point he often leaves me reddening (blushing for the new people). all is well and good and no bodies met and no violations were created. no harm no foul as far as i am concerned. i mean really does flirting hurt people? apparently it can hurt people, me in particular, but not in that any great long lasting pain is inflicted upon someone's life but people don't see flirting as innocently as i do and have definitely judged me accordingly.
i will flirt with anyone lol, the young, the old, the single, the hoping to be single, the married, the divorced, the bitter, the flirty, the eager, the sweet and those desperately needing to be broken in half so their arrogance can be slated a bit. as soon as the moment of flirting ends so does any further intention on my part. i can flirt with anyone, and have, but very rarely have i ever taken up anyone off limit's on their invitation. the only time i have slipped up was with a married ex two months after my father died when i was both not expecting to see him and we had a massive amount of unresolved issues that needed to be resolved. they were in that hotel room that afternoon. we have kept in touch somewhat and i check on his wife and daughter the same way he periodically checks on me and my mother. we don't speak of that day but we don't make plans to repeat it either. a little over a year ago, i ran into a different married ex who for a very brief moment in time forgot he was married. i helped remind him and showed him his way home. we cannot flirt lol, we cannot chat, too much tension still there and while we both recognize a relationship would not work out--the tempation to forget is too great for both of us. well it used to be, now the truth of the matter is he's a great guy but his happiness can't be found in me and mine surely can't be found in him. compound that with the fact that he's almost as sub-minded as i am and we have the makings of crap on a stick if we ever took leave of our senses.
i'm sure you are wondering what brought all this on lol. why the self-disclosure and to what end? i guess i need to just finish venting and all i'm hoping is that someone gets something out of what i'm about to say. be careful when you start to assume things about other people. a flirt is not a threat unless you allow it to become one. it's not a threat unless the person receiving the attention is somehow more intrigued by the possibility of than they are with what they are holding. and believe me when i say if it's a threat by the time you see it coming you will be damn near left in the cold. someone out and openly flirty means no one any harm 90 percent of the time. the 10 percent they do, i can't do anything more than apologize for as no one should try to inflict harm on others. i love men, nearly all of them that have some sense and can carry on a good conversation, they entertain me and make me smile. however, i'm not the twenty-two year old girl with a hellacious sex drive anymore and i only care about one man---you know him as Roaming Soldier. people that know me and love me seem to understand that flirty red doesn't equal loose and predatory red. i asked that today based on another situation that come up. as i told one friend then i'm sure it won't be the last time it happens and it surely wasn't the first time it had happened. they see me as i hoped i was portraying myself to the world, a funny woman that thinks like a man and can keep herself in an amazing amount of check unless she's madly in love. however, i asked another friend (one who doesn't know me as well) if i seemed like the person that would intentionally get involved with a married man. he thought about it for a moment and said yes. now mind you, i didn't get involved with him while he was still married and can't even say i even flirted with him all that much. i don't flirt with him at all, he's a buddy and very quickly went into "like a brother" category for me. my brothers are cute but EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW what kind of perv do you think i am?
anyway, that comment along with earlier conversations and prior interactions with people--women in particular--it got me to thinking. who is it that people see when they see me? how many of them leave me with the totally wrong impression of who i am? how many old friendships have ended not because of some actual transgression but the belief that i was headed that way? let me say this plainly--i don't step on anyone's toes. i may screw your brains out four hours before you say "i do" but the minute you have, 99 percent of the time your sexual appeal for me slips to nothing. that one percent that is hanging on i've already mentioned and we just don't talk. yes i am a flirt but damn i do have standards here. i am an amalgamation of contradictory parts. i love sex and men (as evidenced by my soon to be posted quizilla quiz) but i am incredibly respectful of boundaries. even when those involved have forgotten their way i am quick to remind them and gladly avoid those that i have to. it's not about being guilty in this case, it's about operating with some common decency.
what does this all have to do with who i am now and my submission? honestly nothing and everything. it hasn't changed who i am as a submissive or what i choose to do with my submission. however, it is why i enjoy bdsm in a certain way. respect for people, boundaries and commitments are all tantamount in the lifestyle. we are marginalized enough--we don't need to make it more difficult within the ranks. this respect is sorely missing in a lot of my vanilla interactions. people are quick to overstep into another person's backyard without regard for what that will do to everyone else in the situation. the rules inherent in bdsm don't tolerate such transgressions easily. neither have i as i grew up with a father who couldn't be faithful to sae his life. i love/d him dearly but as a result of that there are two things i cannot stand in anyone i date 1) lying and 2) even the remotest willingness to cheat. one will get you downgraded from my life and both can get you dismissed entirely. as i think about bdsm, infidelity and my role in that whole situation i come back to this commercial i loved. 1) full of tall buffed sweaty men oh my oh my and 2) the voiceover slightly sounds like ray lewis whom i would molest every day all day long good gawd that man is fine (yes i know about his criminal record but the brother is lovely). anyway what i was thinking was of a simple phrase, we must protect this house. protection comes from inside and out. know who your significant other is interacting with but give them (your partner) the respect to trust that they aren't trying to tear down your home. if they are there trying to destroy it there is little you can do to stop them. if they aren't believe me the suspicions get old fast and what you are trying to prevent will happen anyway. go ahead and handle your business but be careful about how you do it. protect your house.
okay no kink right now. i need to process and talk to RS.
Take this quiz!
- waking up late on saturday mornings
- catching up with friends you've had long enough that you don't have to explain the same old jokes
- a good hard rain storm when it's been really hot and dry
- a house that is filled with the smell of warm food
- the smiles on children's faces when they do something for the first time or discover something all on their own
- hearing a song you love on the radio years later
- sleeping naked under fresh clean sheets
- sleeping naked under fresh clean sheets with someone you love
- the first rays of sunshine in the morning
- a single perfect kiss
i'll tag sidra, jo, aceKlub, and Deb
all right that's better. forced seperation is good for you sometimes. gives you time to learn more about one another, talk with no hope of sex screwing it up, figure out if you hate one another before you do major damage to each other. thus far things seem to be going quite well with Roaming Soldier and i. he is the sweetest man without it being a weakness to be exploited. don't get me wrong i am not out to manipulate men, or anyone for that matter, but some men and women are so giving and open that it's difficult to date them without feeling as though you are going to end up walking all over them much to your chagrin most of the time. RS has a good balance of nurture and cherish with the necessary discipline and guidance that someone as bratty as i can be needs. i like a firm hand as it were. that's why several of my relationships tanked in the past. i'm not a big tester (ie i am not going to do things that test his devotion to me) in relationships but there are a few times that i flat out KNOW i need to be reigned in and how someone chooses to do that, if they choose to do it at all, has a great deal to do with my staying or going. that doesn't include times when the person in question has clearly stepped over any boundaries of decency but believe me when i say they should easily be able to tell when i'm pushing just to see if i can. i was going somewhere with this wasn't i? oh okay lol RS is a good balance of kind and caring with firm and disciplined as need be.
hmm what else is there to tell? oh yesterday i got my schoolgirl outfit. perfectly hangs in the front but due to my ample backside it's skirting the edge of my ass at the moment lol. i so need to find the white bloomers to go under it, not that they are remotely necessary but they would be so cute underneath. i didn't try the top on primarily because i may wear another one with it. i want the whole ensemble to look a certain way and see through white fabric isn't really included in the overall look. maybe i can alter it a bit and it can be a bit of a surprise. who knows? but overall i'm happy with it. oh and green hornet the straps can be removed. that is good for the skirt but could motivate him to use them in a different way.
i started this post last night, fell asleep typing it and went on to bed. i can't say i was anymore tired than normal but RS did make me cry (good tears lol) so that might have drained me. at the same time thought it made me, well horny. ummm Sidra and Night Owl if you are perusing the page you may want to stop right here in this post and come back when you see the next paragraph start. i am not perpetually horny right now but it's been pretty consistent. as the day has drug on i am noticing the subtle vibrations of everything and it's making me a little flighty. if i wasn't so god awful loud i might be able to sneak one in the office but i like being loud and i may need to scream to get this one out of my sytem good. really i want him inside of me now. i'm bordering on hunger for his touch and his mouth and his sweat. i'm sure i've never mentioned this. i love sweaty men. why you may ask. well let me tell you. sweaty men have salty skin lol. i hate massive quantities of salt on anything i swear i do. but skin salty is strangely appealing especially on someone that you are madly in love with, or at least lusting after intensely. over the last few years very few men have been able to even remotely get a rise out of me let alone push my buttons enough to want to wrap my body around their's and dive into blissful moments with them. the last two i've met have done that in a way that i haven't experienced to date. it's almost a maddening drive to become a part of them. not in that crazy psycho stalker girl kind of way lol but in that moment of sheer and utter joy from finally being able to insert part A into slot B occurs. part of you wanting to savor the entry and the other part ready to slam into one another because you can. i want the bites and the bruises. i want the limping and the pain. i want my scalp to hurt because he used my hair as a lead when he fucked me roughly and for a protracted period of time. before i started listening to prince this morning i had closer stuck in my brain---i want to fuck you like an animal---yep that's what i want right there. i want to fall into a sweaty heap content to be still for a few moments before i slip underneath the sheet and find the tool of my torment and suckle it until i can't do anything but swallow or pass out. yeah that's it that's what i want lol.
okay so now that i have done my journey through lusty delights i can wrap this up. i am tired lol. i don't know why it feels like i'm not sleeping well but i am dreaming about RS so that's fine with me. and i guess well isn't what i should say there. i'm not sleeping enough but my dreams are always delightful. i'm going to finish playing a game and then head home. everyone be good and thank God for flex time.
speaking of RS we talked tonight, well last night i guess. He didn't make me cry this time but he made me smile and giggle and really bust a gut laughing at him for a moment. He's been fussing at me for not being at home when he gets a free moment to call. well i never would have been home when he called because he had been repeatedly dialing the wrong number lol. that is okay, we fixed all of that and the next time RS calls i should be at one of the numbers i gave him. we joked about weddings (not ours) and proposals (sort of ours) and how fast his heart attack would set in if the littlest soldier managed to snag the bouquet. nothing mushy until we talked to Night Owl again. i am really enjoying the exchange and the ideas that are thrust from my brain as we get to know one another. i wrote RS a nice rainless missive. but i can say the lack of rain did nothing to dampen that rush after we chatted.
okay i'm falling asleep finally, night
i felt his hands on me as he said night and gave me my daily kisses. i could vividly imagine the quick hard thrusts of his body inside of mine. hear my breath catch as each one brings us closer to a warm fuzzy space. i can hear his voice in my ear telling me that Daddy is happy that i am his. i could elaborate indefinitely but after that last line i don't need to remember anything else. night night kiddies.
RS and i have been exchanging emails sporadically the last few days since the other means of communicating wasn't available to us. last night he sent me a message which i missed due to the server and my own drowsiness. i woke up, thankfully and caught him before he went to bed. so i went to be happily thinking of RS and knew that he was thinking about me. this morning i got to my office and was flipping through housing magazines when that window popped up from him and i started reddening lol. seven hours after we said night he was making me smile again. we talked briefly till he had to run off for inspection or drill or something. that part was less crucial to me than the fact that the person on my brain popped up and said hello when i was both free (never a sure thing in the morning) and when i wanted to hear from him the most (always a sure thing--the morning and the evening are the times i want him most lol). so two more conversations, dozens more kisses, at least another minute in heaven.
love ya guys oodles
|You Are Likely a Second Born|
At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate.
At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating.
When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism.
In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative.
Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels.
You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.
|Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC|
"Back in black, I hit the sack,
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back"
Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos.
But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!
|You Have Low Self Esteem 12% of the Time|
Which can be translated to mean, you have high self-esteem and a healthy sense of self worth.
You believe in yourself, and you know how to be the real you. You love yourself, imperfections and all.
|You Are Marge Simpson|
You're a devoted family member who loves unconditionally.
Sometimes, though, you dream about living a wild secret life!
You will be remembered for: your good cooking and evading the police
Your life philosophy: "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."
You Are The High Priestess
You represent mystery - secrets that are yet to be revealed.
You find yourself sitting between two worlds: one dark, one light.
You tend to hold these two worlds in balance, reconciling the two.
Open and welcoming, you invite others to learn your secrets.
Something hidden, or latent, in your life is about to come forward.
You need to pay more attention to your dreams, thoughts, intuition, and imagination.
And if that involves tapping into your dark side, it will all balance out in the end.
You have a lot of potential dying to be unleashed, so let those gates open!
|You Are 23% Addicted to Love|
Might as well face it, you're a little addicted to love.
You won't do anything for love, but sometimes you do more than you should.
No one's worth losing your head for - because in the end you'll only lose your heart.
Don't avoid falling in love. Just make sure you don't get too hooked.
|You Are 27% Selfish|
In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.
But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.
|Your True Love Is a Gemini|
Why you'll love a Gemini:
Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind.
You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations.
Why a Gemini will love you:
Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two...
You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual!
i didn't hear from Roaming Soldier last night, thus no new random smut for you lol, and went to bed a little moody but not terribly upset. i got to the office and no cute i missed you message, okay so i was starting to get a little sad there. then as my day was ending and i was trying to decide to go home or spend more time working on dumb stuff for 30 minutes, i get that weird buzzing noise from yahoo to let me know that i had email. i looked down and saw Roaming Soldier---and his inviting subject line. i read it and felt my eyes get flushed with tears. that would make the second time in a week that he's left me something that made me go well damn. and the title of this post is directly related to that email. Roaming Soldier gave me eight kisses. eight kisses signifiying any number of things but most of all that he wanted me to be with him. okay duh, not that i haven't heard that before but for whatever reason this was different. i adore him, i really do, with his sweet, silly, well-spoken, extra special tall and kinky self.
so eight kisses provided me a few moments in heaven. eight kisses reminded me that i am wanted and appreciated. eight kisses made me want to kneel at his feet and wait for those kisses. and for the chance to please him for long, intense, highly charged moments. and to take care of him for the mundane, simple, loving moments that make up the rest of our lives. eight kisses, very simple, very sweet, very important.
eta: it occurred to me after i posted this that the game might have actually been called seven minutes in heaven lol but it wouldn't have made the post as cute that way lol. for me it was clearly eight minutes at least and i am going to go reread my lovely note with my eight kisses.
there has been some unexpected occurences with RS, all very good so don't worry about that, over the last twenty-four hours. it's what made me ponder life and love and all that is cute and wonderful in the world. umm either that or the nice rush of hormonality that comes along with the evil monstrous unholy pain. yes i said it and i mean it. men should know the truth lol. we aren't just snippy because we want to be, damn it we hurt and save giving us a morphine drip nah there's not a lot you can do to make that better. even if you could we'd probably just want you to have the cramps for us. ahh that's not true lol, some of you are such big babies when you are in pain it would just end up being more work for us in the end lol. ahh well i was going somewhere before i got distracted hmm.....oh yeah, unexpected developments with Roaming Soldier and my idle thoughts.
in the last post i started thinking about babies and step-mommyhood. last night and today i dreamt and thought about both of those things again. i was a few years older than the littlest soldier when my parents split up. old enough to recall the loss and upset that was caused the divorce. LS on the other hand was very little when her mother died and it's really just been her and RS probably as long as she can remember. where do i fit in there? i mean i know how RS and i would like me to fit. and if it was just the two of us, and i wasn't as obviously interested in him as i am, i wouldn't be nearly as concerned about this as i am. i like her daddy a LOT and i want to make him very happy. i am just worried about disrupting her life and the bond they have. sharing daddy is never fun when you haven't had to do that before. ok so that worry isn't exactly new lol, i've mentioned it at least once before. the other thoughts were basically my brain fighting with my emotions and trying think myself out of caring about RS. that's just silly (and it didn't work) because i do care about him and have found myself being incredibly girly as of late. i spent part of the day on thursday scribbling red Soldier over and over again to see if i liked signing it. yeah i haven't done that in forever lol and it felt silly while i was doing it but i kept doing it till i found the right slant and what not. this led me to thinking about what that really meant. was i, self-proclaimed woman who had no intention on ever getting married to anyone at any point in time, really considering marrying a man with a small child? honestly yes i was and am. beyond being perfectly Dom'ly and kinky as all get out, Roaming Soldier is a very wonderful man that i keep seeing myself lying next to and taking care of in the between those perfectly Dom'ly and kinky scenes. i am enjoying this very much. if it keeps going the way it has been i may have something to tell you all soon. for now know that red is preparing to be a good sub to Roaming Soldier and a good friend to the littlest soldier.
i'll end the post with the meme currently sweeping the nation lol. see ya
YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS IN COMMENTS:
No matter how random, revealing, rude, naughty or pointless. I will do my best to answer within reason... but no, I won’t give you my address, my name, my phone number or other facts that might lead to stalkers, crazed ex-lovers (and i have more than my share), or such on my doorstep.
speaking of Roaming Soldier, we got to talk a minute before he lay down for a nap. we are both very happy with how things are proceeding between us. i'm sure we'd be happier if there was no military involvement and we were moments away from being snuggled up as opposed to being hours away from being able to speak to each other briefly. the littlest soldier is ill so of course her Daddy is a little worried about her. makes me too of course but i still am refraining from trying to insinuating myself in her life to add to the disturbance she's alreay experiencing as a result of the move and Roaming Soldier's abscence. this is all a random jumble so bear with me.
i have been joking for years that i would be a great step-mother because i didn't want to have any kids of my own. i mean i don't always want to have any rugrats but the thought of a full house, the littlest soldier and RS makes me very cheesy grinny happy. now if i could skip the majority of the pregnancy and just deliver the kids i'd probably happily procreate but the thought of things being swollen and not in a sexual way just makes me nervous i must admit. especially as i haven't had to take care of an infant in forever and i like to sleep. and it would be a bit difficult to get up and breastfeed a kid when Daddy has me hogtied on the bed lol. i'm sure we'd work it all out but as the possibilties start to present themselves i do ponder them more. i'm off tangent though. just being a step-mother would be interesting for me. i've had enough of them to know what works and what doesn't (thanks Dad) and i really have no desire to replace LS's mom just be there to take care of her and her father. again i'm probably four steps ahead of myself but it's been on my brain lately. i guess that means i'm more than a bit smitten, duh like y'all couldn't tell that. nothing else to say now. we're both ummm in a killing kitten mood and that is all.
see ya later probably
it's amazing what two people can discuss when they know they have a limited amount of time to do so. typically we get about fifteen minutes to talk provided they aren't rushing off to drills, he's already talked to the littlest soldier and isn't completely exhausted. we both wake up long enough to talk but still it's not the lengthy hours we had spent on the wire talking before this all started. but then i was keeping him awake lol. he thinks he wants me to do that more in the future. i guess he hasn't understood that much like his daughter i really need about six hours to function like a human and beyond that i can talk and ramble on incessantly as well as read and watch tv to all hours of the night. i am all off tangent though. limited time has made us speed typers. we can be overwhelmed and sweet or intensely flirty and highly sexual. we can just be a "normal couple" and talk about our days for the time we have. granted that usually involves me running off about how interesting my caseload was that day but it makes him smile so i'm a happy girl.
in general though, he makes me a happy girl. he makes me feel very safe and highly sought after (blushing now lol) and just glad that i was interesting to him. RS and the whole Daddy phenomenon is interesting for me. you'd think i was trying to work out some unresolved issues with my father through becoming someone's "little girl" but i adored my father and we had a very healthy stable relationship. he was the very first man that made me feel ever so special, i guess i just like to have that feeling again. not every man can be "Daddy" though and i both respect that and cherish it even more when someone does fall into that role and assume it so totally. for someone that used to be a tomboy and loved it there is a strange transition to becoming "Daddy's little girl." i always spent a lot of time with him because well my mother was entirely too damn girly. i got to climb things and fix things when i was with daddy. i got asked what i thought and invited in on whatever conversations he was having. he encouraged my growth in all areas and me to explore the world at large but whenever i fell down and went boom he was there too. part of why my mother and i had issues was because i looked just like her but acted just like my dad lol. i digress. he made me feel like my own unique individual that was just fine the way i was. i didn't need to wear a dress to be a girl and i didn't need to be fascinated with boys to snag one. i could just be me and enjoy my life and yeah i can see now why i happily seek out men that remind me of him in those ways.
now the rest of the "Daddy" stuff has nothing to do with my dad at all lol. i like saying the word "Daddy" in bed. i like the idea of watching him and feeling him getting more aggressive and taking control of "his little girl." but outside of the nice soft mattress i like the idea of watching him treat me as his precious girl that must be taken care of and doted on. i like the idea of snuggling up with "Daddy" and having our discussion about the day before the subtle shift occurs and we are ready for a more adult form of interaction. i know that i can't call RS "Daddy" all of the time as it would truly confuse the littlest soldier. but i also know that in the moments that i can slide "Daddy" into his ear that he'll happily understand what i want and mean when it comes across my lips. yes i am really enjoying this and him so much.
okay i'm done now
gunning to be his big little girl
|Your Brain's Pattern|
Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.
You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.
You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.
You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.
when i meant to write this earlier my brain was high on Roaming Soldier. it still is but the reality of the day has set in and i have to temper that a bit. not much but a bit. if God is good, and i know He is, this will be the last time i mention Emperor on these electronic pages. he has moved and quickly the same way i have and while i am tickled to death about Roaming Soldier i am also wondering what made Emperor so important to me that i was willing to put myself through all that emotional upheaval when, in little over a month, both of us are much happier with new people. it's one of those riddles wrapped up in a conuudrum kinda things. i was about to pack up my life and move across country--something he stated he wanted repeatedly--to be with someone who was making plans to be with someone else and is as attached to her as i have become to Roaming Soldier. it's just one of those funny how life works out thoughts. i am in no way shape or form planning to get back with Emperor. he taught me wonderful things but Roaming Soldier well he wants to be Daddy and damn it if i don't plan on letting him.
wonderful segue into what i planned on posting originally now that i think about it. i fell asleep early for me, it was before one a.m. to be sure and that just hardly ever happens. shortly after that Roaming Soldier was able to use that wonderfully limited time they give them to shoot me off a few instant messages. the first was simple and filled with those kisses i adore so much. then the next few had me in tears. i can't say he was profound or wonderfully poetic. he was just being himself and sharing what was on his mind at the time. obviously they were thoughts about me and the tears were VERY happy tears. i had to close my office door to give myself time to compose myself and to write him back. i told him as i told you all that what he wrote had me very happy and very teary eyed. when we were able to talk briefly this afternoon he told me that he hadn't intended on making me cry but he'd always be there to wipe them away.
however, i am an old softie and i do like other people's newborns. we're both still young so we might change our minds. the only thing i know for certain is that i am doing my little happy dance as soon as i get inside my apartment today in thanks for the nice tall man you know as Roaming Soldier and all the smiles and giggles and lusty thoughts and tears and sheer moments of happiness he has given me in the last six weeks. yep it's been six weeks exactly today. normally that would freak me out, make me start looking for things to screw this up. but i don't want to this time. all i want is to keep it together while he's gone, get to know his daughter and family, hang out with Night Owl and make fun of people, hang out with Sidra and make fun of her, and be waiting on him to come back home and tell me that Daddy is there for both of his girls. this is purely tangental (that looks wrong but i am so not about to check it) but that both of his girls thing just made me think of a running joke i had with my actual father, whose birthday is two days before Roaming Soldiers by the way.
my dad used to call me his favorite daughter all the time. mind you there was ONLY me, i have two brothers but the only other estrogen heavy life force in the house would be his wife of the moment and an assortment of stepsisters---he would never EVER have been talking about them lol. and my reply back to him was, you keep playing and i'm gonna find that other daughter and beat her up. yeah you could say i was spoiled and didn't like sharing because well i was when it came to daddy. i definitely would not have been having the same conversations i am having with my dad that i have with Roaming Soldier and "Daddy" has a different connotation for me entirely when i call RS that but there is another little girl in his life and as she was there first i will finally have to learn how to share lol. nothing wrong with it this time because there are still things the big little girl can do with Daddy that we don't even want our brains to focus on with regards to the little little girl. and if you kept thinking it you are strange little pervs. well of course you are lol you are reading my blog. okay i have two more hours to kill and i think i am out of words for the moment. talk to you all later.
eta: oh by the way, referring to RS as just him is bothering me but he's not Him yet either, someone help me come up with a variation i like PLEASE
i did manage to sneak in a few minutes with Roaming Soldier before bed. it's been raining on them a lot as they are doing drills. while i don't envy him the drills at all, the rain is distracting and i am a wee bit sad it didn't rain on us here. i am thoroughly enjoying him calling me "his little girl" and calling him "Daddy" in return. i enjoy curling up under the covers and think of what it would be like to have his fingertips tracing my spine while he licks and sucks and enjoys the flesh neareast to him. i delight in the thoughts. they make me smile as i drift off to happy dreams. i hope for nothing more than a few days alone with him before they ship him to the middle of west hell. let my domestic diva-dom run wild as i take care of him and then turn my body over to him at will.
we probably won't talk tonight, basic is gearing up for the end and he needs to be resting even if he did have time to chat. i'll be daydreaming about him for certain and if hear a few drops against the window you'll all hear about it. see ya soon of course.
eta: well damn i bypassed 10000 unique hits today and didn't even realize it. thanks for everyone that has popped by once and those that keep coming back. maybe this weekend if i break 12/15K i'll have a proper celebration.
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