give me a minute

Sunday, October 29, 2006 2 comments
i'm not even sure what i want to say right now. i'm feeling just fine truth be told. i'm a little friskier than normal but other than that nothing major is floating through my brain. i just finished phase one of edits--one of which i was QUITE happy about making--and i just want to crawl up in bed with Roaming Soldier and let Him play in my hair. well not JUST play with my hair. i have been on smutty email patrol over the last few days so i'm sure when He opens up the inbox and reads them He's gonna want to be home as well. it will be a nice long lovely time in bed when He does get home but until then, it's smut production for Him and dead kitties for me.

i lost an eBay auction earlier but really i didn't need it so that's not really a big deal. just trying to get something else together. i'm slightly shocked that really by friday my life as i know it could be totally different lol. well not totally different. i mean i will go back to work and do the same stuff i do right now. but i guess i do it with slightly more clout. either way i'm a happy kid. another door closing and making way for more doors to open.

yippee

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just checking in

Thursday, October 26, 2006 No comments
i stopped crying. then i got angry. then i sat down and did all i thought i could do right then. i emailed my committee chair and told her that really i have rarely gotten upset about anything connected to this process but i was upset enough to break down on monday night. i do not have time other than when i planned on working on this to do it. i didn't hear from her until middle of the day today and we are back on our altered time schedule. the reply sounded a bit ummm snippy and i was urged to calm down again but really i couldn't decide all of a sudden i wasn't going to do it after we set up a meeting time so why should they be able to? oh they do have the nice shiny degrees already but i'm tired, stressed and have way more than my share on my plate right now. this has not been nearly as pleasant as i expected it would be but it will be over soon. praise him lol.

i don't think this will be much longer. about a month and a half ago Roaming Soldier and i discussed the spankings (of the fun variety) i was accumulating with my stories and what not. it was 200 at the time--i didn't clarify if that was strokes of the paddle OR nightly spankings cause i wasn't trying to add to them--and i had to add six each day lol. i just did the math and as of right now i'm up to 470. that really made me smile for some reason. no protracted session could be tolerated if He was trying to get to 470 but the thought of His hand on my behind making it all nice and warm was smile inducing. i'm actually kinda sleepy--go figure--so i'm going to send Him an email and head to bed. i'll be off and on till i leave and then i'll have to say hi when i can.

see ya
red






red velvet


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all i know is i love Him

Tuesday, October 24, 2006 No comments
over the last two weeks my faith in the world at large has been tested. work has been hectic. my mother has been nothing short of an intense throbbing pain in my ass. my brother has not leapt to volunteer aiding with relieving that throbbing pain and today my committee is opting to play with my life and my timing because of things they just have to do instead of being at my defense when we originally set the date and time. as best as i can tell in my department nothing like this has ever happened and probably won't happen again so it must be something about me and the universe that has decided to make it come to pass right now. my laptop is MOSTLY fixed and sitting in my living room waiting on a power supply. i've worked my ass off to get ready and it feels like it's all for nothing. i've been crying for the last hour and i don't expect that to stop anytime soon. i really just don't want to go at all anymore. yes this is all that's left but i set it up and took all the time i thought i would need off of my job to get it prepped and back over to the graduate school like it was supposed to be and they are ruining that as i type this. all i can really say is that i'm happy i have the friends i do around and the love of a wonderful man. i think whomever is wishing this not to take place will win now because i give up. i'm going to disappear for a while now.

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adventures in love & Domination

Sunday, October 22, 2006 No comments
it's almost a day after this post originally popped into my brain so forgive me if it doesn't flow as well as it could. it was inspired by Roaming Soldier who wrote me a lovely little email while He was for some reason or other in the medical tent. brief momentary pause for a molly blane moment. yes i should be freaking out more than i am and yes i am more than just a little bit worried about what He is doing in the damn medical tent but i think i mentioned before, my brain operates under the "no news is good news" mentality right now. He could have just been dehydrated--it is awfully hot there after all or He could be on His way home. either way, He's still breathing and for now that's all that matters. molly blane moment over. we're stuck on numbers, Roaming Soldier and i, three in particular 8, 9 and 22--well four i guess because 17 sneaks in there by virtue of it being the product of adding 8 with 9. anyhoo, it was based on one of those numbers and led to what He deemed "one truth" at this moment. that being the fact that we were meant to be together as this relationship was totally not on the radar for either of us in january and here it is some eight months after we met and there doesn't seem like anything else in the world for either of us.

our lives, our love, our future are totally wrapped up in one another and all the worries i had in meeting Him when i did have long since been dispelled. any reservations He had about being open to the possibility of meeting someone new have faded into the sunset long ago as well. last night the depth of my girly sappy were exploited wholly lol. i went looking for books on His religion, wedding cakes and a particular bridal magazine i love that i can't buy locally to save my life. i saw a few cute cates but nothing i needed to take home with me. the books i had to order because of course they weren't locally available either. regardless, my brain is moving along the path of what else can i do now to prepare for our future.

the wedding, as i have found out from a number of friends as they have gotten married, is having less and less to do with us if and when it takes place the way i'm envisioning. a long vacation and a simple beach ceremony would work for me. i think all of the parental units involved would hunt us down and hurt us. plus it might be nice to put a few folks i know in the wedding party so i guess i can suck that up. i guess you have heard all the lovey dovey stuff---now where's the Domination?

well in the midst of that lovely email He veered off into three areas that reminded me why He has excited me so. nice tall intelligent sadistic Doms are so much fun to have around. He's enjoyed the stories immensely but they were enjoyable because He'd plant a seed in my head and i would spin it out to its most interesting conclusion. while a lot of our jokes are playful and cute, it is with the clear understanding that He has achieved a respect and dominion over me that was unanticipated to say the least. we have fit an ideal for the other that honestly, based on what i was reading, experiencing and witnessing didn't seem possible. actually, well before this, a nice vanilla male friend told me that it would be virtually impossible for me to meet a man that could both respect me and my intelligence when He knew how hypersexual i was AND that i liked to be hurt. i would always be able to get one or the other but not both. and while Emperor touched both sides for a while, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as it could have been.

Roaming Soldier by extreme contrast lol has met all spoken and unspoken wants and wishes i had. He probably would have made that last shopping trip for toys obsolete had He been here but other than that, the feeling that i wanted to achieve with the person i submitted to has been in place for a while now. i have my Daddy, i have the Man that wants to tie me up and spank me and then fuck me into a blissful stupor. pausing for another molly blane moment. a woman wouldn't stay with a man in such a life as the Unit Wives unless she both loved him madly and he was laying it down to use a euphemism. look at jonas, listen to jonas and then look at him again. mr. blane has to be keeping mrs. blane quite happy otherwise she would so not still be there. end of molly moment number two. so yes this seperation sucks right now, my preference would be to not be writing this at all but to be having a mid afternoon spanking session with Daddy followed by a lazy afternoon in bed molesting one another. but since i can't do that right now, i'll kill another slew of kittens thinking about Him and settle down to writing Him another story. gotta keep Jonas smiling too after all so He makes a point of coming home quickly.

ok i'm done now, have a good one
red

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red velvet 5, kittens 0

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 No comments
or minus 5 as the case may be. i rewarded myself with new toys recently. and i must say two thumbs WAY up for the new selection. as a result i worked out a lot of tension and stress last night and the poor kittens paid the price. i woke up feeling like i had a really good night lol but i won't get into that because i want to tell Him about some of this first. if you want to know which toys made me smile lol, email me and i'll let you know. let's take a moment of silence for the kitties. okay moment is over. i'm a little sad because i missed Roaming Soldier before He had to go back to the field. allegedly He won't be gone that long this time but it sucks just that He's gone.

we did have a good conversation a few days ago that was so needed i can't even speak words to it. i'll be much happier when He's home (as if you didn't know that already) and can work through that list of smut to the left with me whenever He feels like it. it's all a girl can dream of lol. ahhh yes spanky spanky.

anyhoo, i mailed out my dissertation yesterday and i should have my laptop back in the next few days. at least i hope so. i need to call and check on that in the morning because if i need to rent this thing for another week i have to go ahead and pay for that now before i get distracted. and then i have to pay my rent before i leave at the beginning of next month so they don't try to get pissy as i'll be gone all past my last viable day to pay. not that they ever cash my check in a timely fashion but still. mommy made dinner and that was nice and then i voted for dancing with the stars lol. jerry springer is sooooooooooooooo cute with his old self. i'm a little giddy for some reason, go figure. i bought food for lunch tomorrow and and will not have to rush over and get something during lunch. i miss Him. ahh well. okay i think i'm done rambling lol.

bye for now
red

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mommy's day out

Sunday, October 15, 2006 3 comments
okay so i should probably just dose off now but truth be told i'm not really sleepy and i'm waiting up on the off chance that i get to talk to Roaming Soldier for longer than ten minutes tonight. i woke up very early this morning which again all things considered shouldn't have happened. after i dropped off something at my office i lounged around until i took mommy to the new mall in town and then over to the wonderful pf chang's for a late lunch. i came home and did nothing after the shoe shopping expedition got aborted. i fell asleep about an hour or two after RS signed off and was back up by 9 this morning, well i guess yesterday at this point which would make the shoe shopping friday lol. she was well behaved and excited to be out. not all that interesting truth be told but she was happy and that's all that mattered.

i got to be lazy for a bit this morning and then i opened my email so that i could email my dissertation chair and then opened up the last round of editing that will be done before i sit for my defense. i spent the rest of the day, literally, editing and double checking and scouring over the document then i readjusted the formatting and saved it. i'll get copies of it printed tomorrow, well today, and then it's out of my hands. just pray on that for me and we'll see what happens. i'm hungry now. i'm gonna go forage in the kitchen now.

see ya
red

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good lawd i'm tired

Friday, October 13, 2006 5 comments
okay so it's been a few days since i updated. there isn't a whole lot going on except i'm exhausted. work is kicking my proverbial ass. i'm tired of seeing folks constantly, not my clients, i just need a change of scenery really. a long vacation with Roaming Soldier, about fifty feet of rope, a small cadre of candles and a gross of condoms would be great. actually that would fan-fucking-tastic but not to be at the moment. especially since the army just announced they'd LIKELY be keeping troops in iraq till 2010--and allowing soldiers MAYBE a year at home before they were redeployed. while i would kill to have Him home for a year, i would be prone to kill when they tried to take Him away from here too. my brain keeps saying we JUST have to make it till 2008 and then we can get rid of the current idiot but even that is a full two years from now. my tolerance and patience are running thin and i promised i wouldn't throw a tantrum but damn if i don't want to. okay i need to move on because i could get stuck there indefinitely.

so mommy is feeling less than stellar as well and really it's because she's struggling to come to terms with the fact that her mother will likely die before we hit 2010. honestly, it would be a blessing if grandma made to the end of the year. anyhoo, she's feeling crappy and my aunts made it worse so i took her out tonight for dinner and then we roamed around Pier 1 and Barnes and Noble for a while. got a few books for me and something for RS. got mommy a book on pugs since she really wants one and she found a cd she liked. then it was back home to relative peace and quiet. it wasn't a bad outing and save her copying my food selections yet again it was a good time out.

i missed RS and not being able to grope Him under the table lol but i always miss Him so i guess that's not a big deal. i was trying to fight sleep but it's winning lol. oh well, let me lay down. nothing is going on around here like i said, i'm OFF tomorrow. YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! night night ladies and gents.

red

ps if you signed up on stardolls thanks but you have to actually join for the referral to work, you can find my doll under reedvelvet

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super long meme lol

Monday, October 09, 2006 No comments
1. Favorite Beatles song: Come Together
2. Favorite Rolling Stones song: Satisfaction
3. Favorite Doors song:Breal on Through
4. Favorite Bob Dylan song:
5. Favorite Led Zeppelin song: Stairway To Heaven
6. TV Theme Song: NBA Playoffs--Remember the Name
7. Favorite Prince Song: Adore
8. Favorite Madonna Song: Secret
9. Favorite Michael Jackson Song: I Just Can't Stop Loving You
10. Favorite Queen Song: Bohemian Rhapsody
11. Favorite Motorhead Song: who?
12. Favorite Ozzy Song: um no!
13. Favorite Public Enemy Song: Fight the Power
14. Favorite Song from a cartoon: I Love to Singa
15. Favorite Bruce Springsteen song: Walking in Memphis
16. Favorite Depeche Mode song: nada
17. Favorite Cure song: nope
18. Favorite song that most of your friends haven’t heard: Question of U/Underneath the Cream--Prince
19. Favorite Smiths song: How Soon is Now
20. Favorite Beastie Boys song: Paul Revere
21. Favorite Clash song: ?
22. Favorite Police song: Murder by Numbers
23. Favorite Eurythmics song: Sweet Dreams
24. Favorite Beach Boys song: nope
25. Favorite Cyndi Lauper song: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
26. Favorite song from a movie: Girls and Boys--Under the Cherry Moon /I Will Survive--In & Out
27. Favorite Duran Duran song: Hungry Like the Wolf
28. Favorite Peter Tosh song: none
29. Favorite Johnny Cash song: Walk the Line
30. Favorite song from an 80's one hit wonder: Relax--Frankie Goes to Hollywood
31. Favorite song from a video game: something from SSX Tricky
32. Favorite Kinks song: nope
33. Favorite Genesis song: I Can't Dance
34. Favorite Thin Lizzy song: nope
35. Favorite INXS song: Devil Inside
36. Favorite Weird Al song: Jurrasic Park
37. Favorite Peter Gabriel song: Sledgehammer
38. Favorite John Lennon song:Imagine
39. Favorite Pink Floyd song: Nope
40. Favorite cover song: The Wallflowers--One Headlight
41. Favorite White Stripes song: no
42. Favorite dance song: Tupac--All Eyez on Me (hey it's early 90s undergrad lol)
43. Favorite U2 song: Elevation
44. Favorite song from an actor turned musician:
45. Favorite disco song: Love to Love Ya Baby
46. Favorite Power Ballad: Right Now - Van Halen
47. Favorite Guns N' Roses song: November Rain
48. Favorite The Who song: no
49. Favorite Elton John song: Tonight or I'm Still Standing
50. Favorite song, period: Adore
51. Favorite Monte Montgomery song: who?
52. Favorite Green Day song: nope
53. Favorite Alanis Morrissette song: You Oughta Know
54. Favorite Jamiroquai song: Virtual Insanity
55. Favorite Foo Fighters song: Learn to Fly
56. Favorite David Bowie song: Let's Dance
57. Favorite Metallica song: nada
58. Favorite Jeff Buckley song: who
59. Favorite Pearl Jam song: Jeremy
60. Favorite Grateful Dead song: nope
61. Favorite Def Leppard song: Pour Some Sugar on Me
62. Favorite The Band song: no idea
63: Favorite Boomtown Rats song: see above
64. Favorite Jam song: nope again
65. Favorite Barenaked Ladies song: One Week
66. Favorite Creedence Clearwater Revival Song: Born on the Bayou
67. Favorite Garth Brooks song: Friends In Low Places
68: Favorite Tom McRae song: nope
69: Favorite Vienna Teng song: nope
70. Favorite Tom Petty (solo or with the Heartbreakers) song: Free Fallin`
71. Favorite Replacements song: nope
72. Favorite Bob Mould song: nope
73. Favorite Jethro Tull song:
74. Favorite Jann Arden Song: Insensitive
75. Favorite Marc Cohn Song: nope
76. Favorite Our Lady Peace Song: nope
77. Favorite HIM Song: nope
78. Favorite Bryan Adams Song: Have You Ever Loved a Woman
79. Favorite Slashy Song: ?
80. Favorite Old Skool Soul song: Stevie Wonder - Sir Duke
81. Favorite Song That Totally Kicks Righteous Ass: Prince--Mr. Happy
82. Favorite Roxy Music song: nope
83. Favorite Nine Inch Nails song: Closer
84: Favorite Song of Yours That Everyone Else Hates: nothing
85. Favorite Type O Negative Song: ?
86. Favorite KISS song: nope
87: Favorite Godsmack Song: nope
88: Favorite ZZ Top Song: Sharp Dressed Man
89: Favorite Iron Maiden Song: nope
90: Favorite AC/DC Song: nope
91: Favorite Evanescence Song: You Never Call When You're Sober
92: Favorite Pet Shop Boys Song: nope
93: Favorite Dream Theater Song:
94. Favorite Blondie song: The Tide is High
95. Favorite Blur song: nope
96. Favorite New Order song: nope
97. Favorite Bob Marley Song: No Woman No Cry
98. Favorite Violent Femmes Song: nope
99. Favorite Classical piece: makes me sleepy
100. Favorite Dio Song: no
101. Favorite Queensryche Song: no
102. Favorite Linkin Park Song: not so much
103. Favorite Sting song: We'll Be Together
104. Favorite Brand New Heavies song: Never Stop
105. Favorite James Brown song: I'm Black and I'm Proud
106. Favorite Radiohead song - no
107. Favorite Stone Temple Pilots song - no
108. Favorite Neil Young song -
109. Favourite Sass Jordan song - nope
110. Favourite LIVE song - ?
112. Favourite Nickleback song - Hero
113. Favorite Etta James song - Damn Your Eyes
114. Favorite Eric Benet song - Spend My Life
115. Favorite D'Angelo Song - Me and Those Dreaming Eyes of Mine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: WHAT MADE YOU SMILE YESTERDAY?
laughing at friends

Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8 THIS MORNING?
driving damn it

Q: WHAT WERE YOU DOING 15 MINUTES ago?
playing with stuff from officeplayground

Q: SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN 1995?
broke up with my HS ex and developed an unnecessary attachment to this other person

Q: LAST THING YOU SAID ALOUD?
i'm injuring myself

Q: HOW MANY DIFFERENT THINGS DID YOU DRINK TODAY?
still early for me, nothing in my system yet

Q: WHERE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND RIGHT NOW?
i have several and some are sleeping, some are at work, one is probably wondering why i keep sending Him smut when i am so far away

Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?
blue

Q: WHAT IS OUT YOUR BACK DOOR?
don't have a back door

Q: LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
grown up toys

Q: LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
wow i don't know it's been a while unless you count His love and affection

Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR FRONT DOOR?
white

Q: WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR CHANGE?
In my pocket

Q: WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE TODAY?
70 ish degrees F

Q: BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?
moo-llenium crunch

Q: SOMETHING YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT?
defending my dissertation AND not paying for the trip

Q: LAST RAINBOW YOU SAW?
about a month ago

Q: WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR?
8.5

Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY SISTERS?
No

Q: ARE YOU VERY RANDOM?
Mmmmkay. Guess

Q: DO YOU WANT TO CUT YOUR HAIR?
No.

Q: ARE YOU OVER THE AGE OF 22?
as of 8 birthdays ago yep

Q: DO YOU TALK A LOT?
yep i talk for a living

Q: DO YOU WATCH THE OC?
is that even still on tv

Q: DO YOU KNOW ANYONE CALLED STEVE?
nope

Q: DO YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS?
Yes all the freaking time

Q: ARE YOU TICKLISH?
Yes.

Q: ARE YOU TYPICALLY A JEALOUS PERSON?
not really

Q: NAME A FRIEND WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH AN "J":
pillar of strength

Q: NAME A FRIEND WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH AN "A":
dr. mac

Q: 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALLS?
wrong number

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED SAY?
whatcha doing?

Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
no

Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
no i look like i'm 12 with curly hair

Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOU'RE GOING TO?
most likely prince

Q: WHO IS THE COOLEST PERSON IN YOUR LIFE?
i'm not sure

Q: WHAT WORD DO YOU SAY A LOT?
Daddy or "not so much"

Q: WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
lasagne

Q: DO YOU WATCH TV?
Yes but mostly it watches me

Q: EVER BEEN HUNTING?
Not unless man hunting counts

Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
as long as He gets home safely

Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW?
working i guess

Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
yep---little girl, the rest if i tell you i'd have to kill you

Q: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
no but lust is a powerful force

Q: YOUNGEST PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY?
no

Q: IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
unless they are pain killers and i'm cramping, then drugs are gooooooooood

Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
only when it rains

Q: WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the air conditioner, it's god awful loud

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trying to find my way home

i can actually swear upon a stack of whatever religious text you like that this post will ROAM all over the universe. i'll tell you this up front. there are lyrics to Stephanie Mills Home at the end of the post. and right after that feel free to click on the little video window and listen to i never knew love like this before. good song, not what i was looking for lol but good song. okay shall we begin?

the end of my academic career is in sight and i am so tickled i can't even speak to it. my job may subsidize the whole trip in which case can we say tickled squared because i still need to make copies of my dissertation on the nice heavy weight paper and what not. not a huge expense but on top of being in town for a week and the flight and a car we're talking another expenditure that i'd rather just leave as small as possible. even though i might be able to use the grant i got and never put in for reimbursement for. good lord so much to do with that. but when it's all said and done i get to come back here and start my life as a nearly full fledged grown up. still gotta get licensed but hey whatever. for some reason i have yet to call this place home. i refer to my apartment when i say "i'm going home" but really i haven't felt centered enough to call any place "home" in years. that has intrigued and disturbed me but as of this moment i still don't have an answer as to why that is.

i went out to look at a house today with my mother. the hosue was in bad shape and was probably very pretty once upon a time but it just looks neglected and lonely now. it made me a little sad but the drive home raked my nerves. she is insufferable when it comes to "buying a house" as our only alterantive when we move out of this spot, and believe me we will be moving out of this hellhole, and anything else seems to annoy her. we have different ideas of what can be called home but at the same time, as i already mentioned, these places we live aren't home for me. for her it's a house or nothing and part of me just wants to pack up her crap and let her go wherever she wants. having a house just for the sake of having one makes no sense to me especially since i can't say for certain i want to stay here. and if i do find a house that i like and want to invest time in making my own is that unfair to Roaming Soldier and Littlest Soldier who were happily based several states away from here before they were separated?

well that brings me to the next thing. i love Him. in Him my heart has finally found a home. my heart knows as long as He's around it's safe and we are good together. however, my life post Middle East diversion, is all up in the air. we could stay here which i am sorta voting against because the tv here is all screwed up and the city itself is not conducive to my happiness. the good food is 30 minutes one direction as is the good shopping and the new cheap housing. my job is most assuredly 30 minutes the other direction. driving out of town is a required mountain trek and really that's just not attractive anymore. heading to His home base is another alternative except i am not all that fond of the city either. it's expensive, traffic is crazy and it's a bit on the crowded side. so that's two cities down and then what?

there's always let's find a mutually agreeable location solution. but do i really want the hassle of selling a house if that's the option we take? the most honest answer is HELL NO. but that isn't an acceptable reason to not buy the house to my mother. again why i'm even altering this much of my life is crazy but if i don't then i am being incredibly discourteous to the woman that raised me even though she is being equally discourteous and unreasonable. but even if we talk door number three there's this other issue that i have been aware of and may be why no place is ever really "home."

i was a military brat for the first decade of my life. we moved every two years no matter what or how i felt about it. for some reason it annoyed me when i was very young but i got the itch to move every few years since i reached adulthood. i don't get attached to places i sleep. i get attached to the people in them but not to the places our keys open at the end of the day. it protected me as a child from being split in two when we were forced away from everyone and everything i had come to know over that time period. my mother moved because she wanted to get further and further away from a certain segment of people (you fill in whatever blank you want to here) so even after my parents split i had ten different addresses between then and now if i used her as a home address. i've had three of my own and now i'm looking for the fourth. i don't think i'll call a spot home until He's in it with me in whichever city is blessed enough to have us.

part of that "home" will of course be Him physically with me to touch me, make me smile, and curl up with me at the end of the night. the other part will be something that has come up in a few posts on various blogs i read and on listservs prior to now. well it's a series of things so i'll start and again keep rambling. the first part is sort of like the whole chicken and the egg debate. which one came first and can we have one without the other? can we as submissives exist without our Doms and conversely can they exist without us? sure they can and we can. i mean we as individuals will keep breathing. but without that foil in our lives can we be true to who we are as individuals? i really have felt awakened and firing on all cylinders since i actively started seeking out the Dominance i was lacking in other relationships. it's rounded out my mindset in away i appreciate. was Roaming Soldier living His life quite happily without me? umm of course He was, Littlest Soldier is a treat and a half. have i added another layer to that happiness? by all reports yes. we can peacefully exist without that complimentary partner but life has been so much more interesting with Him around. as an extension of that, i know that i have been living under my rules for a while now but i do so because i choose to at the moment not because He's physically around to keep me on task. and while i like pain i am adverse to punishment lol. i can be a smartass, and i am when it's cute and flirty, i try to stop just short of being worried if i'll be able to sit on my ass the next day. this begs another question. when is it okay for us to "go there" with our Doms when the only real reason we are doing it is to get what we want IMMEDIATELY? i'm not talking about something that needs to be attended to like finances or the kids. i mean more like "damn i sure could go with a spanking right now." i know a lot of this will be determined by our Doms and what they will or won't tolerate. i guess i'm wondering because really i try to respect the boundaries we have established by the nature of the roles we play in the situation. now if He's wrong of course i'll be the first to share and then take my spanking like the trooper i am for not finding the politest way to tell Him He was wrong. i'm blunt to a fault so unless i take time to think about it that will most definitely create a spanking moment. what does any of this have to do with "home?" well it's sorta simple. our home is under His guidance and protection. that involves negotiating boundaries and rules comfortable for both of us and then both of us keeping our end of the bargain. as stressed as i am when i get home, i don't want to think about how to get my spanking lol and i know He won't always recognize when i need to be sent into subspace to release some tension but i don't want to get into bad habits of forcing His hand because one of those times i REALLY may not like the outcome. if i trust Him enough to submit to Him, shouldn't i also trust Him enough to learn my ebbs and flows and use me as He sees fit? ahh well i told y'all i was going to be rambling.

in a few months (not few as in two but few as in whenever He gets back we'll try to forget about this time), i hope to be able to tell you all somewhat more definitely that i am finally at home. i'll keep you posted.

love ya
red


When I think of home
I think of a resting place
A place where theres peace, quiet, and serenity
And thats where some of my friends have gone
Friends who have traveled with me through my wonderful experience in Oz
A journey Ill never forget

When I think of home, I think of a place
Wheres theres love overflowing
I wish I was home, I wish I was back there
With the things Ive been knowing

Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning
Sprinklin the scene
Makes it all clean

(When I think of home)
Maybe theres a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
(Maybe theres a chance Ill get home)
It sure would be nice to be back at home
Where theres love and affection

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Givin me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
And let me start again

Suddenly my worlds gone and change its fate
And I still know where Im going
I have had my mind spun round in space
And watched it growing

And oh, if youre listening, God, please dont make it hard
To know if we should believe the things that we see
Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away (Should we run away)
Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh

Livin here in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But its taught me to love, oh, yeah
And its real, its so real, its real to me

And Ive learned that we must look
Inside our hearts to find
A world full of love
Like yours, like mine

Like home
Like, like home
(When I think of home)
My friends smilin down on me
Givin me their energy, oh
(When I think of home)
I think of a peaceful world and joy
All around me, yeah
(When I think of home)
And love that we share can never
Never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah
(When I think of home)
I just sit down and think
And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah
(When I think of home)
I can hear my friends tellin me
Stephanie, please sing my song
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna tell you what its all about


Get music codes at Bolt

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i can't even begin to explain

Saturday, October 07, 2006 2 comments
.....the world at large. it's an interesting place to be sure and this whole last few years has been a wonderful awakening for me. i mean i have come to know two totally different men who gifted me with different things. and in one i truly feel like i have found my center and my home. i could be totally wrong. in two years i may be single and pissy but for the first time in my life i don't think i have the inside track on how to screw up my relationship. i mean i know when i doing those "things" that annoy and cause havoc. sometimes i do it on purpose (several relationships back) and sometimes i do it out of fear but i always know. as a result, i have curtailed all the things i would normally do when i want some attention and the man of my affection can't give it to me. it's a notorious cycle, it started my whole "you can be replaced" mantra, but as i have gotten older and slightly more grown up i realize that even those that can be replaced shouldn't always be. and in this case He certainly couldn't be. yes there are other tall sadistic Doms in the world but none like mine. i was listening to ms. jill in the car again and she summizes what i'm thinking quite well. i got something bedda at home (yeah i know He's not home right now but He will be soon enough). i'm sure if there was more temptation around i MIGHT struggle with it but that's not been a huge issue here lol. that's what porn and vibrators are for at the moment. okay i'm babbling, enjoy the rest of your weekend.

red


He's the kind that breaks it down
And curls my toes, woo woo woo baby ow
He's the kind that loves my mind and feeds my soul
And I love it baby

His intellect and outer respect, makes me wanna crawl
And be my best
And I know...
He loves his baby

He sense of self and silliness
Makes the hardest things
The simplest and I look but don't touch
Never know baby

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if you want smut look below

Thursday, October 05, 2006 No comments
obie kaybe, i don't have a lot to add tonight. the smut is below this post lol and i am on a rented laptop so i can get mine repaired before my defense date. last night i apparently didn't want to sleep. i was up until like 5 knowing damn well i need to be in bed. mostly i was fighting with my laptop before i finally gave up. i called toshiba and got the information to send it in to be repaired and then i looked for this lovely thing and picked it up on the way home. it has a dvd burner and everything. i'll completely wipe it clean before i leave but for now it's all good in the hood homie. all right there isn't anything else to say really. i got to talk to Roaming Soldier today---le swoon---i love Him so much. it's so sappy lol. okay night.

red

oh and go get yourself a star doll so we can play together

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the room beneath the stairs

she had showered, put on some pajamas and did her nightly rounds. He was waiting and she wanted to make sure everyone was okay but she didn't want to keep Him waiting too long either. her mother was snoring, the kids were losing the battle with sleep when she came in to each room and kissed them goodnight. He was watching her from their other room. her only stipulation when it was built was that they be able to see the rooms while they were down there. they might not always be focused on them but in case a kid woke up suddenly they wanted to be able to regroup and get to them quickly. tonight that probably wouldn't be an issue. they took everyone out to the amusement park and they come home exhausted. she made one final pass and then headed to the ground floor. she double checked the locks, turned off the lights in the kitchen and then headed down to the basement.

He waited for her to come through the door and then turned off the lights. He watched her undress by candelight and happily took in her frame as it was kissed by the glow. she sat on a chair and smiled at Him before lowering her head. it was a cue and they went from there. He ran His hands over her legs, freshly shaved just like her pussy because He requested them to be, before stopping at her feet. He started moving rope over her ankles first. she squirmed a bit to see if she could move and when she realized that wasn't possible she just sat there and watched the rope bind her feet into a small curve. His hands worked the same pattern twice and then asked her to stand. she felt like she was standing on point and nearly fell without His assistance. "Just in case you got the urge to run I figured we would try something new."

she smiled and sat back down. the rope went up her legs and thighs and got a bit tighter. it slipped between her thighs and caressed her clit before digging into her pelvis and hips. He put two knots on each hip and began a more intricate criss cross pattern over her back and breasts. when He was satisfied with that bondage, He placed her arms together behind her back and then tied her wrists snugly. He made sure that He wrapped the rope between her hands and then left loose rope hanging to the floor. He spun her around gave her a quick swat on the ass and then gave her a peck on the lips. He adjusted the hooks in the ceiling and then threaded her rope through all three hooks. He then tied it to another hook that hid under His desk. if He ever got bored He figured He'd pull it through that hook, under her feet and then attach it to a lever to roll the cord around until she was suspended higher in the air than she was now. at the moment her feet were grazing the floor but she was at such an awkward angle her head was going to be fuzzy soon.

He sat and observed her while He drank from a brandy snifter. He stood up eventually and rummaged through their toys to find what He was looking for. before He began, He took some pictures of her nicely bound up and then grabbed a paddle. He checked the monitor and then proceeded to warm her ass. He stopped long enough to unbutton His shirt but the pause made her look around for Him. when He saw her pleading expresson He smiled at her and returned to spanking her. it had been a while since they were able to spend any time alone. the kids had been sick, her mother was throwing a tantrum and they had both been travelling for work. she needed the pain as much as He needed to share it with her. He spanked her until they were both starting to sweat from the effort. He stopped to admire the Daddy imprint on her ass before snapping another set of pictures and then putting the paddle away. He clamped her nipples with a Y clip and then toyed with her clit until it was good and engorged. He moved the rope and then clamped the quivering little button. He relished the look of pain on her face as the pressure from the clamps increased. He went back to the toy drawer and pulled out a riding crop and cane. He showed both of them to her but her recognition of either was minimal at best. He decided to test her tolerance with the cane. she could float off with familiar pain but they rarely used the cane and it might make her whimper like a baby. the strokes were slow but hard and well placed. when it connected with a particularly sweet spot her whole body shook. she was starting to squirm but no screaming. that's what He wanted. hell it was what she needed but she wasn't ready yet and He was honestly okay with that. the strokes continued, slow and steady and hard. it was in between the thirteenth and fourteenth stroke that she broke. she mewed, moaned, started crying and begging Him to stop. He landed the fifteenth stroke on her already red ass before He put the cane away.

He walked over to the hook in the floor and cut the rope. He was careful to lower the rope so that she wouldn't fall to the floor in a heap. He brought her over to the desk and lay her across it. He contemplated untying her but He decided against it. He unzipped His pants and pulled His dick out before walking to the other side of the desk. she saw it and suck it into her mouth before He could give her a command. He didn't slap her bottom this time for doing so without permission but He made a note of it. her tongue was working its way down His shaft and inching His orgasm out of Him. He pulled out of her mouth and returned to her smarting bottom. He bent at the knee and slid inside of her. they had the slowest, most intense sex they had had in years. there was no threat of interruption. no urgent meeting to rush off to. it was just the two of them, on the desk in their room. her clamps dug into the desk as He stroked inside of her. she winced from the pain but only shoved herself back to meet His thrusts. feeling her skin under the ropes was making Him high. He slowed down until He was basically just resting in her wetness and let her pussy clench around Him. little tremors fired around Him as one tiny orgasm after another ripped through her. He felt Himself throbbing and decided not to fight the urge to cum. He slammed into her as quickly as their position and the rope would allow. His knees driving hers into the desk. she started moaning loudly and He stuffed His fingers inside her mouth. she sucked them with the same force and attention as she had lavished on His dick. that drove Him over the edge and He felt three big streams of nut spurt inside of her. He sat still while her convulsions continued around His dick.

when she was done, He stood up. He stuck His dick back in His pants still covered with their fluids. He carefully cut her ropes loose and helped her back into her robe. He tossed the pj's aside and led her back to their bedroom. He washed her off in the shower and took His sleepy little girl to bed with Him. her head found its familiar resting place and He kissed her forehead. they talked briefly and He remembered that He had left the camera and would have to get it tomorrow. they watched the moon as each drifted off to sleep.

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can red velvet come out and play?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 3 comments
well now i can. sorry about disappearing folks. the computer is having a bit of a tantrum as of late and my dissertation chair and i suddenly got on the let's finish this damn thing bug and as of 8 minutes ago i have submitted my final draft to her and save a few minor rewrites i should be dr. velvet by the middle of november. it will be the end of a stupendously long journey prolonged by stops and starts on my end mostly. but the next time i show up at a reunion i can make this one chick's head hurt more than it did when i told her i got my master's before she had lol. i don't reccomend getting your master's in eighteen months but it can be done depending on your program and institution. so counting up that semi early kindergarten start and early exit from high school i have spent all but five years of my life in school somewhere. granted i have been working this last year but really i was still on the rolls at my old university. no mas, no more, nu uhn. as long as things go well at my defense then the day after i turn 31 i will be hooded as dr. velvet (there's a stole thing they put over your head and call it hooding in case you were wondering lol) and then i can get a series of raises as i am now a doctor and will sit for my licensing exam as soon as possible afterwards. yeah well no kink tonight just yippee lol. but i promise in a day or so there will be some brand new piping hot smut for you to devour. oh and i guess as soon as that is done i can get back to work on my side projects and maybe get a full anthology or kinky novel out.

okay off to roam the net in celebration.
red

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