i've had some interesting dreams but nothing that needs to be analyzed at all. just weird clips of things falling into place that are random but nothing important. now i'm looking at grease you're the one that i want and i'm wondering why this hasn't gone off yet. i did watch a bit of miss usa last night (i think it was last night, could have been friday at this point) and was struck by how you can still skip most of the show and be utterly bored in 10 minutes before they announce the winner. if you like beauty pageants then i'm sorry for saying as much but good lord 10 minutes of strange questions, walking and prancing before a pretty arbitrary decision takes place is just not all that interesting. no i didn't have to watch but they let jerry springer judge which was funny and i'll have to admit to being fascinated by the host walking around on 5 inch hills when she is VERY VERY pregnant. ehhh yippee for miss tennessee (or should that be the former miss tennessee) who won.
nothing much is happening right around the moment. i've been watching silly things on tv and this clip of trapped in the drive thru by weird al which is just too silly. it's long though so if you click on it be warned. now something has come up the last week or so that made me go folks think too much. there's another clip floating around the net of a little boy dancing and singing songs by beyonce and there have been a plethora of comments about the boy, his parents, his sexuality and the like. the thing that makes me scratch my head is why any of that is necessary. most of us sang songs by our favorite artists when we were little. we were just lucky enough not to have parents with video cameras and net access. i didn't watch that clip in its entirety because well i hate beyonce's songs so i didn't feel like listening to it but i'm thinking it's just a little kid. leave the boy alone. i'd hate to have seen what prince would have been bopping around to at the same age in this day and time but i pray it wouldn't be beyonce lol. enjoy weird al though.
i am just sort of calm. there are no paper to write. no assignments that must be done. just being still and enjoying being in my life at the present moment. i am happy to report that i finally got the paddle i ordered for Him in October--long story--but it looks great and i got a bonus one for my wait so that's always good. my digital camera is having a fit but it's under warranty so they are at least going to attempt to fix it for me. i just had to get a copy of my receipt because i am not one to keep boxes of things i buy especially almost three months after the purchase. but i got that from best buy today and i'll mail that in tomorrow. it takes 7 to 10 business days allegedly so we'll be timing that too.
other than that things are pretty normal. have a fight with mom, make dinner, forget about it, hug her before bed and call it a day. i have been thinking about an april's fool joke but nothing is coming up that seems like it would be fun. i've also been thinking about babies but i think that's just because unlike i firmly believed many many years i actually have a biological clock and it is ticking in time with the new robin thicke cd ROFLMAO. okay so maybe not just in time with that it's quietly starting to find a rhythm. thankfully i have a wonderful man in mind to knock me up when the time comes lol. okay i think that's it for now. be good and i'll lay some new smut on you soon.
anyway, so the world doesn't seem quite right and we are no where near home. i see a few famous and pseudo famous black men (actors, athletes, doctors, lawyers, kefla from road rules---no idea why he was there lol) who are ushering us into a meeting place to apparently explain why we were there. these men had been tapped by the remaining leaders of the Black community to gather themselves, their mates or suitable women to help rebuild the Black race from the rubble and chaos that had been present. i turned to look at Roaming Soldier and for some reason He was nodding and just hugged me closer to Him. i was beyond confused as they continued. we had been chosen because we represented the best hope for the community between the intelligence present in the room, the genetic material, and commitment to the community. again i'm still looking around like you have to be kidding me but Roaming Soldier is not moving like we will be leaving anytime soon. the designated leader goes on to say that no one is promised to remain within the confines of this new mecca and that others had already been turned away (wesley snipes had been denied entry for committing "atrocities against the race" they didn't explain and really that just made me laugh because all i could think of was all those interracial love scenes he had done in his movies over the years so i let it go which incidentally is odd because i have several friends and family members that are interracial couples).
the time passes quickly while i'm there. i mingle with lots of the other women as short of farming and setting up schools and basic society needs there isn't a whole lot to do there. there are a fair number of submissive women mixed in with these former lawyers and school teachers and doctors and the like. i say former because well it just didn't look like we were ever going back to those lives. we'd do those things within the new community but that's it. as strange as all of it was i was mostly happy. the only thing i am not particularly sure about was who was sleeping with whom. we all know that RS isn't really down with sharing His little girl. but it seemed like within reason the men that had brought their wives with them were expected to share them with anyone they deemed okay. i did have to finally tell Him that one of the two folks He was considering to be on His short list were getting on my nerves and making me a little creeped out. He told me that was okay and promised they wouldn't bother me anymore. He gave me a kiss and then went off to play with our youngest son. i woke up not too long after that.
now you might be wondering what i ate before bed, nothing at all. i didn't have any stimulating conversation with anyone about the Black community before bedtime. and i do understand that i have been thinking about having kids with Roaming Soldier and manage to work them into most of the smut He inspires but really--little old me as a building block to the rebuilding of Black community seems like a big stretch. i'm short, periodically perceived as rude, finicky as all creation and prone to be bored easily. and if i don't get my music fix i promise i'd be all kinds of a problem. as i'm thinking back on the dream now i can't tell if we were completely cut off from the rest of the world or not. it was just strange. so who thinks i'd be sent packing with Roaming Soldier for telling someone off? ok i haven't eaten since 4PM and i'm starving. any weird dreams i have tonight will be totally explained.
well first of all things are going pretty well. work isn't kicking my butt too badly but i do need to finish some paperwork. i started the process to get my last professional hurdle conquered and yippee whenever that happens. the bills seem manageable for a while longer so that's good as well. my mother is crazy but it's a momentary flare up instead of those daily intrusions. her birthday is fast approaching as well but all she wants is an overpriced object i don't want in the house. we'll figure something out of course but until then i get to hear about us (my brother and i) being selfish little brats for not shelling out 2100 for a birthday gift.
i have been roaming blogland as is my want and i'm wondering if i'll ever get to the point that i'm having these deep introspective conversations with myself about my submission. i mean really i can't say i delve too deeply into it all that often. i am a sub, He is my Dom. i give more thought to how we are going to have that relationship with my mother's prying eyes observing on one end and His ever growing daughter's eyes observing on the other. i mean we won't be able to have that nice lounging around in my collar or with the nipple clamps (evil evil bastard things they are) on days unless both the children and the mother have vacated the premises. while i have the capability of being a good quiet little girl, i don't want to necessarily be gagged every time we want to play and the house isn't empty. and even now as i'm having a free flowing thought i'm not getting into the nuts and bolts of what made this work for either of us. i'm thinking of the fun stuff--well fun for me anyway--that goes along with being His.
i'm not sure if we liked each other so naturally because we genuinely found one another stimulating as humans or we found each other so interesting because we both knew the other's orientation. that's a really long sentence i know but it wasn't a typical chance meeting. i knew when we were introduced that He was a Dom that might be interested in having a new sub after a long hiatus. and well He knew upfront that i was a sub that had very recently left her former Dom. we didn't discuss those roles for quite a while into our conversations--we started chatting several hours a night beginning with that very first evening. our flirting wasn't as Dom and sub but more as single man being attracted to single woman. that extra layer was icing on the proverbial cake. the transition came easily enough and we did begin discussing what the other wanted and needed in a bdsm relationship. we aligned there as we had on other issues. He wanted a nice submissive girl with slave tendencies that was rather intelligent and that could handle a long-term relationship as well as His daughter. yippee for me i seemed to be all of those things otherwise there would be no point in moving forward. and i wanted an honest, kinky Dom who understood what i meant when i said i was looking for a "Daddy" type individual, that liked to push boundaries, keep a watchful eye over my brat moments and that wanted to do unspeakably devilish things to each and every inch of my flesh. who knew a girl could be that lucky lol?
He doesn't demand much from me. there are a few things i do now that i only do because He has asked me to do so but even those aren't terribly stress inducing. and one of them i've started to like as much as i'm sure He does. of course there always exist the possibility of more rules and demands coming forth but knowing Him as i do i can't imagine them being ones that invoked a lot of stress in me. at one point i started thinking maybe i'm not doing something right because i wasn't fearful of Roaming Soldier. He didn't/doesn't terrify me. i don't think He wants to 90 percent of the time. the 10 percent He wants to do so i'm sure He will with no major problems there. of course there is some slack that has to be given because He's been gone and i have really just been in supportive submissive role. when He's been home for a while, i'll revisit the whole depth of submission thing. until then be good and or be really good at being bad.
Before ( http://thismuse.blogspot.com)
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this other thing has happened that is surprising but comforting. i've started telling people other than those incredibly close to the me about converting. everyone has been really supportive and by off chance i came into my office and ran into a former African American colleague who i didn't know to be Catholic. in the process of these conversations another thing i didn't know came up as well. apparently there are other Black Catholics in town just not in my immediate area and not necessarily where i would be having my conversion classes. but that did make me feel better for some reason. anyhoo i found a new quiz that i'm not sure how i feel about. i mean in one way i am uber traditional in some aspects of my romantic life but i'm not seeing my wedding as rather traditional--you know what never mind i just thought about it and really it is save the color scheme.
oh well i'm done typing for now. have a good one boys and girls.
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off tangent. i've been fielding the "concerned girlfriend" calls again. this one wasn't annoying so i don't have to put a hit out on her but it brought something up that is just funny for me. i have always been (still am really) the calm, sensible friend. i give the good advice and have typically not managed my personal life like the rest of my friends. that is, i typically don't fall head over heels for anyone. even when my emotions have seemed to be running amok then i pulled back because who in the hell wants to be made a fool of when the feelings aren't requited. my last two relationships have coincided with my awakening lol. being understood, valued for the aspects of my persona that other men looked over, and let's face being comfortable for the first time in a while made the cautionary route a little less appealing. did it bite me in the ass the first time? yep but i don't regret that. for the heartache and drama it was a good learning experience. it taught me one of the most important relationship lessons i've ever had. almost isn't good enough. if there is a minor issue between you that's okay. if he likes his toast lightly buttered and you don't want any butter at all cool. but if his, or her, wants start diverging from yours so much that it's really only the spark keeping you together--almost isn't good enough. loving someone isn't enough if they don't love you back.
ok let's get back to the conversation. she was worried because i haven't taken my normal strolling through the park path toward Roaming Soldier. i have rushed forward for a change. i had the conversations i wanted to have when i wanted to have them and despite the fears that kept me from having them before with other folks, He didn't go running away in the other direction. yeah i was the cautious one because i knew the men i was allowing in my life weren't ready for me. i might insinuate some things but if he wasn't biting then i quit talking. i can't even blame them for it. my brain knew what my heart and body were unwilling to process. he's not ready, he's not right but you know your heart can press the issue from time to time. lots of relationships and no right man until now. yep my nice tall perfectly adorable kinky sadistic Roaming Soldier changed my whole train of thought and even the things they expected from me--that i would get married and would be birthing someone's babies--i can finally expect for myself because i know for once He's it. i can't explain it to them because it's hard to explain. a billion different things had to happen in order for us to even know the other existed (if you subscribe to this theory of physics one of my old profs had about life and the world--a billion different factors make each moment possible so there is no point in saying what could have happened because if it was meant then it would have--okay so he was crazy lol) and to be in the right places in our lives to receive the other person into our worlds. all i can say is thank heavens those billion things clicked into place.
that brings me back to now. i still wanna go to bed. i still wanna sleep for a while. i just want it to be with Him for the rest of my life. save those moments when i'm so swollen that i can't sleep with Him anywhere near me because He knocked me up again lol i never want Him to be away from me again. i'd much rather have the babies in bed with us and folks jockeying for room than i would ever want to be home alone (except those moments mommy takes a vacation) again. i'm crowded, roll over.
first things first. i cleaned up my blogroll a bit. for one i wasn't visiting them and there were a plethora of dead ones there as well. plus i needed to update the link for mija so i didn't keep clicking a link that didn't work anymore lol. i'm slow sometimes. congrats are in order for d who just welcomed her first grandbaby into the fold. let's see what else is going on. not a lot really. i spent the day relaxing after sending some stuff i ordered back. mom is okay and i'm okay. i talked to Roaming Soldier a few days ago. it was nice to be doted on from a continent or two away lol.
nothing else to update you on. i hope everyone is good off in blogland. i'll talk to you in a few.