yeah my brain is going random on the maroon 5 lyrics. that's track 9 on their first cd--songs about jane--not remember if there was a real jane but you kick ass if you exist because that cd is still fierce many moons after it was released. i have been listening to it again the last few days and it made me think about Roaming Soldier. that just gave me a shiver lol. i have never been alone in a room with the man that has totally rearranged my life, my priorities, my wants and dreams. every time we thought, maybe this weekend--maybe in a few weeks--maybe by Christmas, we were bitch slapped by the cold hand of reality. normally a good slap on the ass is well hey all good lol but when it's not being delivered out of love then it's just kind of hollow. i'll admit my writing has improved quite a bit because of Him. my imagination has dug into all the unexplored nooks and crannies in my brain BUT that's left a few other nooks and crannies left empty and needy. needy really isn't the right word, more like hungry. i know more about Him than i've known about any man ever in the nearly 32 years i've been on this planet. but short of His rather amazing stature i could bump into Him on the street and not even recognize His smile. that seems so crazy to me when i say it or write it as the case may be but it also has never felt more perfectly right and necessary before in my life. i want to cease on the possibility He has gifted me with. which is what led me to the last song on the cd. sweetest goodbye is the name the song and it just made me think of the retarded nights i've spent crying myself to sleep since He's been gone and the afternoon both of us were too shell shocked by His departure to say much of anything like we were nervous teenagers again. regardless of the sanity of the act-the behavior and emotion hasn't waned in the nearly 18 months He's been in my life. so i'm posting these for you to listen to get where my head was at. had to get them on youtube as imeem is editing the hell out of things lately and you wouldn't get the point at all. both are just still photos with the songs playing but you need to hear adam's voice to understand the point.