i write in bursts so y'all will have to forgive me. i was talking to a friend, fellow sub, about well being a submissive. when i entered the lifestyle i was labeled a textbook sub by the former Dom. one of those folks that in most aspects of their lives were fully capable of supporting themselves and managing their day to day lives but who was not at peace in their relationships unless they were relinquishing that day to day decision making to someone else. i disagreed with the last bit to a degree. i mean it would be nice to be able to stay locked up in the basement but sista does have a job and we have bills to pay. but i do agree with his point that i am fully capable of just doing me. i did it quite well in the 29 years it took for me to run into the person that made those secret desires not so strange anymore.
the power differential is a blissful thing with the right person and i am glad that i have found Him now despite this elongated separation. however i think that my textbook-i-ness is what also makes me able to serve Him better. i mean really how can you serve or take care of someone else when you can't take care of your own basic needs? and yes i choose to take care of Him which makes me somewhat different from a slave in that regard but my point is the same no matter your label. if you are incapable of standing on your own two feet how can you function when your sub gets sick, or your Dom is too tired or emotionally drained to tend to your mood swings, or whatever the scenario might be? an independent sub sounds like an oxymoron to some i know but He doesn't want me because i NEED Him to guide me, He wants me because i know how to handle my life but i WANT Him to be my guide in this life. He appreciates that i have stood like a strong little soldier and taken care of what needed to be done while He's gone.
we all have to come to these potential relationships with more than eagerness. it takes a lot of compromise and understanding and no small bit of self-direction to maintain what we build. we all know their are times when the D/s has to take a backseat to life and if you aren't built for life then the D/s will likely self-destruct. make sure that you are in order before you try to serve someone else or be served by anyone else. it's not fair to the party in question to not be at your best and truthfully i hate seeing two folks drift away from each other because they weren't solid enough in who they are to know they could seek comfort from the person who isn't supplying every single bit of their happiness but who would be there for us if we asked. just something to ponder on i guess. i surely plan on giving Him all of me but that means all of the good, the bad, the strong, the weak and everything in between and let Him mold that without looking at Him like my sole source of what is good in the world. i can serve Him with a smile because i can serve myself the same way.