.:Thursday, August 28, 2008:.

-life is interesting-

well where do i begin? things with me have been in flux as usual. i've been denying to myself more than anyone else that i am mentally exhausted. i love my friends and family and job but i am tired. i'm tired of managing everything from what i wear to where i will park in the morning to what i will do when i come home in the evening knowing that most of what i want to do can't be done because there is no one to do it with. i want Him, i think i deserve Him and i need to understand (while i know i never will) why i can't have Him right now. my mother won't go to the movies with me and i really don't want to go out to eat with her. food is always more interesting to me at home when i can manage what goes in and out of it. and we can cancel the shopping 99 percent of the time. i might do some of that this weekend but i just as easily might stay under the covers. that's where i've been a lot lately. watching tv and researching things. i'm going to finish the alphabet game stories but for now keep them off the blog on the off chance a publisher i contact wants to do something with them. if they all say no then you will get a rush of smut for your eyes and hormones to devour.

beyond that it feels like i haven't talked to Daddy in forever. six months and counting since there's been a word from the desert. i've heard the "be strong" and "it will all be okay" and have even told myself "no news is good news" mantras quite enough now. i understand that life isn't fair. hell i have to help people understand that daily. but how much of the unfair does one have to endure before there are sunshine and roses? i'm happy most of the time really. but late at night it's hard to keep smiling when it's just me and the stuffed animals. i'm not even lonely at this point, i'm just getting indifferent to things in my own life. which is odd because when i get pictures of the kids in my life everything seems wonderful and possible. with the people i work with when i see them figure out there is a new way of doing things that inspires me. and then i'm left with my own blah and it's just all gone.

the other night i smiled my ass off because i watched a woman in love with her husband try to make the country fall in love with him too. for a myriad of reasons i hope she is successful so i don't have to start typing this blog from denmark or sweden or somewhere else because i'm not sure i can deal with another 4 years of republican rule. but beyond that for another few hours i was full of hope that love can overcome all things if given time. i'm just waiting to see if that happens to be the case for me too. ahh well i think i want some ice cream now. do the girl moody thing to a hilt why don't we?

Labels: life is so so, update, vent

Posted By red velvet at 7:23 PM

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.:Sunday, August 24, 2008:.

-n is for numb-

she was exhausted. Between work and the kids and the rest of her life she was just mentally fried. she needed Him desperately and He wasn't available to her. Life had Him just as occupied and even more distracted than she was. He could feel her desire for Him when He held her but neither could make their lips form the words that might ease the ache for both of them. So another day would pass, another want would go unfulfilled and another weight would rest on her heart. she kept thinking He'll reach out for me soon and drag me downstairs but the act wasn't making it past the thought stage right now.

she came home and cooked dinner quietly. she fed the kids, helped them with their homework and put them in the bath before they climbed into their beds. she showered silently and slipped into a pair of thin sweat pants and a tank top. she was brushing her hair into a ponytail while He watched from the edge of the bed. her skin was smooth and there wasn't a bruise to be seen anywhere on her back. her wrists showed no tinge of rope burn. More importantly though, she seemed disconnected, from Him from herself, from her center. He watched her hand linger on her neck and His eye caught her wedding ring. He thought of the day He slipped it on her finger. Thought of the vows He exchanged with her and the way her eyes gleamed up at His. He had taken her through some of the worst times at the beginning of their relationship so He figured He owed her some of the best now.

He got up from the bed and kissed her neck gently. she smiled and said thank you and then moved over to the bed to climb in and get some sleep. He stopped her mid stride and kissed her mouth. her body melted into His slightly but she didn't surrender herself over to Him. He sensed that she needed more than a deep kiss from her Daddy to regain part of herself. He grabbed her hand and led her from the bedroom. He checked the children's doors as they walked past them and down the steps. They had made this trek many times before and did so again in silence. The basement door creaked slightly and before long they were tucked behind their private space in the oversized house.

she didn't say a word when He pulled her wrists over her head and held them there while He slipped the leather cuffs in place. He locked them and then fastened them to the hook hanging from the ceiling. He spread her legs while she stood watching Him but saying nothing and tightened her ankle cuffs to the recesses in the floor. she didn't blink quickly nor did her heart rate speed up when He pulled out a knife and slit her clothing up each side and slipped them from her body. He was slightly dumbfounded when the knife garnered no reaction from her and realized how long it had been since He brought her down here. He placed the knife back into its resting place and looked at His naked wife. He opened the larger toy chest and pulled out the whip. He stepped over to her and let the whip fly. It hit her thigh first--no reaction, her stomach next--no reaction, her shoulder and her breasts and not a tear, hard breath or sigh came from her lips.

He stepped behind her with the whip and let it rain on her back and ass and while her flesh reacted, she didn't beg or moan or let water come to her eyes. He put the whip down and grabbed the paddle that she had made for the man she loved when He wasn't able to hold her when either of them wanted. her eyes caught it and the first recognition of potential pain flashed on her face. He stood far enough behind her to let the full imprint of the paddle make contact with her ass. He swung and swung and swung and finally He heard a sigh. It wasn't loud and if He hadn't paused He wouldn't have heard it but there it was, her body was connected to the pain again. He swung harder hoping to get the tears to flow but all she would give Him is a soft moan and a clearly dampening pussy. They were both sweating when He dropped the paddle and was nearly enraged. He was exhausted and nothing He had done had elicited more than the barest of reactions from her.

He looked in her eyes and saw what He had been missing. she needed Him to take her and hurt her in the most natural of ways. He stepped out of His sweat pants and behind His wife. He placed His hand on her stomach and lifted her lower body toward Him. He slid inside her and she groaned loudly. her tender flesh was being bitten and kissed and pummeled from the force of His fucking. He heard it then, it was a soul wrenching sob that escaped from her lips. He eased up a bit because He didn't want to do more damage and she shook her head. she begged Him to fuck her harder and He happily complied. He grabbed her hips and dug His fingers into her flesh to hurt her more. The tears flowed down her cheeks as she slammed her body back into His.

They stayed in the basement for a while. He uncuffed her and slammed her face up on the desk. she responded by wrapped her thighs around His body and pulling Him deeper inside of her. soon she was on top of Him with her head bobbing above her bottle while He licked at her folds. It was clear she had missed her bottle as she did little more than twitch when He forced the next two orgasms from her body. her body didn't start to shiver until the first drops of fluid rushed into her mouth. she came hard, He came harder and soon they were just a sticky mess. He brushed her sweaty bangs off of her forehead and kissed her softly on the cheek. He picked her up after He slipped back into His sweats and carried her from their version of a love nest back up to their bedroom. He let her sink into her side of the bed as He pulled up next to her and kissed her newly bruised shoulder. she sighed softly again and whispered thank you before she fell asleep in His arms.

Labels: alphabet game, smut

Posted By red velvet at 2:49 AM

1 comments

.:Wednesday, August 06, 2008:.

-alphabet game-

okay so you haven't had any new smut in ages. i actually started this post to be the next letter and my brain is giving me nada. i need some inspiration and i'll get to the five remaining letters. if you have any ideas for the letters let me know. if i use your idea i'll be sure to give you credit for it. our last lonely unattended to letters are

N
P
Q
X
Z

You Are More Like Angelina Jolie

Bad girl with a heart of gold. You are smart, sexy, and strong willed. You aren't against stealing another girl's man... If he's better off with you!

Labels: quizzes

Posted By red velvet at 7:38 PM

2 comments