perfection but not quite so

Sunday, April 12, 2009
i should probably actually come blog while i'm thinking about it and not several days later. i tend to turn inside myself from time to time and mull things over in my head instead of just blurting it out. maybe 10 days ago, Daddy and i did exactly what i wanted---not because i wanted it that way it just happened that way---and it was amazing. i'm weird and i have certain things that make me calm and happy. i sincerely appreciate being wrapped up in His arms when i fall asleep. however, He's often up working long after i start snoring and i wake up at least once without Him next to me. it annoys me, the more it happens the more annoyed i get, i know not being a good subbie girl at all there. but i figure it's a simple request so what's the whoop. that one we're still working on but regardless, that night we chilled, watched a silly movie, talked and then well had some adult entertainment hee hee. i woke up smiling, work was great and i had to tell Him how much i adored Him when i got home just because i slept in His arms. a few nights later we repeated that sans movie i think and it was equally a nice night and one i was looking forward to being a regular occurrence. but then life kicked back up and we were back to separate schedules and irritation which led to a really nasty fight last night. i hate fighting i mean literally it throws me off because by the time i'm mad enough to argue i'm way past being reasonable. i was up late, was groggy when i had to get up for an appointment and to top it off my brain isn't resting well anyway because i'm on call and you just don't sleep well then. every now and then i feel like i'm being a brat and He told me i was throwing a tantrum--probably was but felt mighty justified--but i struggle with my place in His life. He's still adjusting to being with someone who is actually submissive which okay i understand may be hard----can't say for certain as i'm not a boy who would need to adjust to that----but i am who i am and i need to be guided and spend time with Him. it's hard for Him as well because He has responsibilities that i don't have and can't really contribute to but yeah i feel a little neglected from time to time. i need help, what do you all do when you can't really spend time together the way you want?

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1 comment

  1. make like the little cookie girl and do some really shitty things around the house........build some surprises he will like....cater to him (make believe, lol) shit...just be feminine!! all by myself!! Thank you!

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