Do titles matter in BDSM?

Saturday, March 22, 2014
This will be rambling so I apologize.  I was talking to cyberdiva earlier today I think about the title of "little" because I don't traditionally identify as a little in the way others do.  I don't like to dress up in clothes that remind me of childhood.  I don't have any affection for most of my stuffed animals outside of elephant that I've had for ten years and a bear I had to let go of named Daddy Bear.  I've only had one outfit and it wasn't because I wanted to be a girl scout again.  It was because I wrote a series of smutty stories my first Daddy Dom referred to as cookie peddling.  It only seemed appropriate to buy it and wear it for Him.  I do like to color but I'm not coloring as a five year old I'm coloring as a nearly 40 something who wants to color as a means of stress relief.  And I color with my nieces when I see them but they are cute and no matter how much I don't want to lay on the floor while they show me miniscule differences in the page as they are coloring I can't say no.

During a recent update to my page I changed my role to babygirl.  To my mind it was the better fit but when I started exploring the groups on fetlife I didn't feel like I was in step with the vast majority of littles/babygirls.  I've been little girl/babygirl to my last two Doms.  I think one started off as a joke cause he was nearly 7 feet tall and let's just say if I measure 5'4'' on a given day I'm happy.  But the more the dynamic between us evolved I was definitely His little girl.  I didn't regress in age (still don't) but the trust I placed in Him and the safety I felt with Him felt deeper than just being my Dom.  It was comforting when He called me His "big little girl" and it was natural to call Him Daddy (He actually did have a six year old daughter so the distinction was somewhat necessary so neither of us felt creeped out--not that there anything creepy about the traditionally interpreted Daddy/little dynamic it just wasn't what how we worked).

I wasn't sure that was going to be presence in my next D/s relationship but He picked up on that part of my persona faster than I did.  I would regress with Him every now and then but it was mostly after I was very very stressed and was in need of domination but to be cared for too.  Once that was achieved I was mostly myself and could get rather umm demanding sexually for some reason.  Again it felt natural to be His little girl but not be little in the traditional sense.

I had one other lifestyle relationship and that dynamic was Master/slave.  It did not fit.  It was awkward and it was stilted and while He could and would spank and hurt me like no other but there was almost literally no sex.  If I had made Him very happy He would deign to let me pleasure Him orally--and I would because I am good at that, really really good--and then if I begged well enough I could swallow my efforts and if not was used to coat my face.  It wasn't even that the sex was necessary, I can get off quite easily on my own, but there was no connection outside of the few moments I was tied up and subject to His whims.  He was very Old Guard which may be great for creating and deepening feelings of submission but did jack squat for making me lust to repeat the dynamic.  I need a bit more freedom than slave role provides.  And I could just maintain my place as a submissive that wouldn't really address how much I adore and enjoy being my Dom's special little girl.  Enjoy how excited I get to see Him, be with Him, please Him all while He protects me and enjoys watching me grow in my submission with Him.

I'm not sure if I need a new title.  I checked the groups today and everyone has a different definition of little, if it includes age regression, babygirls who apparently are younger than littles and now middle.  From what I've read I don't fit any of those.  I'm not a teenager or a first grader and I am definitely not a toddler.  I'm usually a 38 year old woman who wants a certain kind of connection to her Dom.  And just to confuse things even more if it was a category I'd want to be a 1950s subbie girl.  While some of the roles given to women during that time frame were sexist and confining I love it.  I love that there was an appreciation for femininity and taking care of my partner's needs and the clothes I really love the clothes.  I do call myself a brat sometimes and admit to being spoiled so maybe I am more of a middle but when I think of Daddy Dom I think of my biological father who was nurturing and caring and pushed me when I needed to be and who spoiled me within reason.  I want that but with sex, lots of hot sex, and the ability to serve Him.  I had a great relationship with my dad and miss him often but even before I figured out I was remotely submissive I knew that's what I wanted in a relationship.  I guess the fact that I want to "date" my Dom complicates part of this as well.  Maybe not who knows. 

So what do you think?  Is there a difference between my perception of little and who I am?  What say you?

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