Navigating Domly Waters

Friday, March 28, 2014
Doms are interesting humans.  My subbie pheromones but be on high because I've met quite a few interesting people in the last few weeks that have restored my hope that there are men that can stimulate my mind and my pussy simultaneously.  One is still leading the pack with that endeavor but location is at play in that scenario.  He's successfully managed to keep me engaged in conversation and stimulated both mentally and physically.  Plus he makes me laugh and you would be surprised how important that is to me.

The Doms closest to me have been 1) less than stellar in their approach or 2) not stepping up to the plate.  Which is frustrating to some degree.  What's the point of being all hypermasculine and dominating when you don't do anything productive with it?  You have all that energy going to waste and subs falling by the wayside wanting to serve but being unable to do so because they lack your direction.  It happened to me with a former Dom.  I know life gets hectic and you can't always do things to the best of your abilities but not doing them at all just leaves your sub rudderless and needy.  And shocker we don't get less needy the more you ignore us.  I greatly value the D/s dynamic but it's fragile and can easily be destroyed by inattention.  The more I think about it a good D/s relationship to me is like a great tennis match.  Great players/partners pull the best out of you and you push them to strive for more than they planned on as well.  But when your partner is flat, when they don't seem to be putting forth their best effort your motivation and enthusiasm can start to wane as well. 

People always talk about submission being a gift but so is dominance.  The natural ability to convince another person that they can trust you, depend on you, surrender to you and your guidance is no easy feat.  I have left very few relationships, D/s or otherwise, because I hated my partner.  I left because I became indifferent.  I was waiting, too long, to reconnect to the man that I had given myself over to and ended up in a place of just not caring about the dynamic enough to care if they wanted to be around or not.  I do have enough self-awareness to warn people when I feel myself getting there but to date no one has been able to pull me back into them.  And honestly when I get there I tend to stay there for a while which is unfair to new men I might meet but it's there all the same.

So now that I'm here and enjoying the ability to flirt again I am amazed at how we go from lust filled desperate to please each other and make each other sticky to indifference.  Why is it so much harder to walk away from D/s relationships than vanilla ones or is that just a problem for me?  I know that once I let you worm your way into my brain it takes a while to evict you.  Even when I've asked to be released or walked through the door that leads out of the relationship, part of me wants to believe that things can right themselves if just something can relight that fire that was there at one point.  I don't submit easily because I don't trust easily and it really does tear me to little pieces to finally say this situation won't be improving and I need to get out of here.  My lack of lust happens well before my lack of love unfortunately.  What I would really love is for us as consenting grown ups is to admit we don't suit each other anymore--usually not because we don't want to but we cannot give the other person what they need at the moment.  I couldn't keep being the patient pet waiting for her owner to come to save her from the mess that had been made.  And they could no longer spark that fire that burns in my belly to crawl over hot coals to lick their anything.

If there is a D/s relationship map please direct me to it.  I would love not to make the same mistakes again.

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