So this post is going to be scattered. I know it may not make sense to anyone but me but that's your fault for stopping by lol. No really I like it when you visit and tell me what you think even if you think I'm totally nuts.
I had a great weekend last week. If I didn't have to rush back to work I would have spent Monday basking in what had happened and taking stock of it again. You seriously don't know how great it felt to be used again. Apparently neither did I because for the forty eight hours immediately following it I was on a high. 49 and a half hours or so later I crashed. Not super hard but hard all the same. This wouldn't be a huge deal but I've never had subdrop in my life. emperor was attentive when we played even if he managed to bruise the heck out of my chocolate behind. I never actually got to play with RS and Good Nhyte and I didn't play very often and when we did he was good about taking care of me. We did live together so that helped a lot. Having left both of my outlets for domination and humiliation hundreds of miles away I guess I hadn't fully thought through what it would be like to come down from that high on my own. I have since started exploring what that means for others and what needs to happen to prevent it in the future especially since none of my current potential playmates are even remotely local. Turns out everyone keeps recommending chocolate so yeah not gonna fight them on that lol.
That subdrop exploration has led me to a variety of other things and I have to say I haven't read much consistently as it relates to my submission. I tend to read up on the things my Dom is interested in to see if they mesh with me at all. I read about the random things that intrigue me from erotic novels. And every blue moon I'll stumble on something random and get engrossed but just in how to improve as a submissive and what matters to me hasn't charted very often. I spent the last hour or so actually looking at some of the groups I'm in on Fetlife and looking at the conversations that were intriguing or important to me. Turns out a lot of folks have already asked all the things I want to know and have put in some good effort into getting those question answered. I want to stock a toy bag now. And I need to explore not only why I haven't set up a safeword with a Dom or feel that I probably wouldn't use it anyway. I am of the if that shit hurts say that shit hurt mindset most days so that could be why. The issue there is if I'm not connecting to the pain yet like with PP who went from chatting to fisting in a nanosecond and I didn't even process that kitty was mad until I got in the shower and yeah that bitch was PISSED lol.
I've been considering finding a mentor and no one seems to be encouraging of that and are suggesting just reaching out to other subs instead. That's an idea but I know where I am in my growth process and I think a mentor would be good except one that would trying to fuck my throat a la some advice I was given when I asked about it. I am working that out still.
Today is Friday the 13th and while I'm not superstitious really I can say that since Tupac died on Friday the 13th when I was in undergrad I have had some ridiculously good days on the much dreaded day. Today I got 15 percent off some needed car maintenance. I ran to a few stores, caught things on sale and let the Soma lady help me find new bras to shape me into a full C underwire that doesn't poke me. I saw Belle, think I should read the book. Got mom some cheesecake, PF Changs, drove like a maniac and came home to chill. Which is what I'm doing now.
However about two days ago when an insomnia fit overtook me yet again I busted out the Attache from Orgasm Alley and let it pummel me. I came a LOT and repeatedly. I stopped about 30 minutes after I started but only to grab the Hitachi Wand and set up the camera so I could send the video to someone that would really like it. I love that flipping thing. Best present to myself like fucking ever. You won't be confused into thinking its stroke is like the average man and his tempo changes and swelling when he's excited. But oh my damn when you get the right angle and right speed the same panting, cursing, begging and cumming are all present. If you can test one out please do.
How goes life where you are folks?