There used to be a time when I thought I had men all figured out. Horny, stupid, emotional, friendly, needing a wife type. I could figure them out, act accordingly if I chose and keep it pushing. Over the last ten years or so, as I have settled more into who I am as a submissive and what I need from the men I choose to have around me it has come to my attention I don't have a flipping clue how they operate, what they want, what they really need, or why they behave as they do once they get any of those aforementioned boxes checked off the way the want.
The ones that register with that place in my brain that makes my submission coalesce into a mini state of nirvana tend to be unreliable at best. They fire me up and then I fizzle. I hate fizzling. Fizzle is just an unhappy word. It messes with the psyche.
I don't trust the ones that blatantly want me. Nothing in my experience tells me those men will be around that long either. For totally different reasons, maybe once the lust is satiated I'm just an afterthought or I worry I will be and that freaks me out too.
I want some nice balance of the two but that has yet to work out either--him got shipped out and never to be seen again.
Moments like these make me feel flawed and small and honestly stupid for not figuring this out yet. I really hate feeling like this. Really really hate it.