I think I might be a Lust Slut

Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I am an odd girl sometimes.  I have these random moments of clarity that don't have any bearing on me changing things really but it helps me make peace with a new part of my persona.  Today I realized that part of my issue when it comes to settling down is I crave the excitement and intrigue of lusting after someone.  That rush keeps me addicted and interested.  It doesn't mean it will go a single solitary direction other than to bed potentially but the stimulation of my imagination keeps me in random moments of titillation.  My visual cortex gets the fire burning but if there's no brain behind the lust machine then that creates the first chink in my lust armor.  It's not insurmountable but it's definitely an issue.  I'm a very visual human but those humans never turn into more than the aforementioned fuck buddies. 

It would be incredibly interesting if they did but here's the other thing I realized tonight.  The ones I lust for.  That keep me masturbating and daydreaming and periodically wanting to lick my computer screen lol well they aren't consistent.  They ebb and flow and it depends on the day if I'm finding what they deliver as intriguing as the day before.  Don't get me wrong, I can easily be restoked by the right person and before you know it there's a little raging wildfire of lust again waiting to consume me and them.

Me in lust is a dangerous being.  I'm not easily sated or broken.  I need to be fed and I will feast on their desire.  A great big binge of energy.  And when I finally back away I feel full and high and floaty.  And that feeling while great cannot be maintained.  That level of lust would make me incapacitated if I had it constantly.  So those aren't the men, usually men, I end up with long-term.

My long-term relationships had moments of lust and passion but it wasn't an IV drip of high seeping into my body.  Those moments were great but they weren't so intense that I was chasing that emotion all day.  What I needed from them, what they gave me in spades was a constant stable rewarding encompassing feeling.  Lusty men folks give me inconsistent inferno.  My stable men gave me regular heat.  Flambe to sterno, fireworks to a floating candle.  All are bright and shiny but one always gives me more long-term.

Doesn't mean I won't daydream about those lust inducing ones from time to time though lol.  The problem really comes in with what is it I want at any given moment and honestly I would like both ideally.  But then again I'd probably end up unemployed with a sign that says will fuck you into a coma for food.  Hmmm decisions?

post-signature

No comments