Naked Weekends Shall Return

Wednesday, February 26, 2014 No comments
In a very unexpected twist, I have the house to myself for the next three weeks.  After I finish dealing with work stuff and my swimming lessons the rise of naked weekends will return.  Save the time I need to be in front of the stove it will be free nipples and exposed ass until I need to go outside.  That probably means lots of kittens will be sacrificed as well lol but eh seems like a fair trade to the orgasm gods.

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Writing and Insomnia

Monday, February 17, 2014 No comments
I should totally be asleep right now but a nap when I wasn't feeling good earlier has kept me up longer than I have planned on being.  I think I mentioned I had been writing again and trying to get work published once more.  In the last month I have written now four new stories and managed to tie an old cast (The Merry Widow) into a new environment--have to wait to see if it gets picked up.  So far the mix has worked out to one new bondage themed story, two with bondage elements, two lesbian love fests and two boy girl stories along with two group sex fests.  I know that sounds like more than four but there was one just bondage boy/girl story.  One lesbian story and another lesbian story with bondage elements and group sex.  And finally there was a fantasy (as in the best of all situation kind of fantasies) boy/girl story that culminates in group sex.  I hope at least one of the four gets picked up ad I'll figure out how to share the rest if don't get chosen.  I'd be doing little cartwheels if more than one gets picked up and I may have to catch a plane and fuck and ex into a stupor if all four get picked up.  I wonder who will win that treat lol?

On another note as I'm submitting these short stories and brushing up on editing and all that good stuff I realize that part of my issue with getting published is I haven't made writing a priority nor have I really tried to develop a writing persona via the net or any other resources I have available to me.  My day job has been my only job and while I need that to be the case to pay bills I always feel stilted with the writing because I never really worked the few connections I did have and now I'm starting all over for the most part.  I'm not sure what to do with the blog now either.  I can turn it into something glossier or I can find someone who can turn it into more of a writing site without totally abandoning the blogging aspect of it.  Eh I guess I'll figure it out.

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When you want what you want

Sunday, February 09, 2014 4 comments
I am in a weird place in my head again.  I have other things working the way I want them to be most of the time at the moment.  I'm getting to the gym on a more regular basis, 5 times last week thank you very much, I'm eating better, cooking and doing more of what I want without feeling guilty, I'm even flirting a bit more even though it may not be with the best options for me sometimes.  There is nothing wrong with them at all but let's be honest my man radar is screwed up from time to time.  The men that make me drip and desperate for a spanking tend to do that to lots of people so making them mine all mine is difficult at best.  I've attempted to do the "not my type men" too.  They are sweet and the attention is nice but ultimately the thing I need to make me crawl over to them on my knees whenever they get home is missing from them.  I need the ones that could sit in a high backed chair with one bit of light focused on them just enough for me to see their eyes and mouth while they watch me intently until that curl of a lip happens letting me know that it was time to prove my love and affection repeatedly for the rest of the night.  Rug burn adorning my body while they may or may not have even bothered to take off more than their tie.

I was talking to diva this morning and realized that before I knew who I was fully I would pursue a good fucking with reckless abandon hoping that he would figure out what I really needed was to be made to feel used, to be in his possession, to fulfill whatever nasty little daydream he could have ever thought of.  One somewhat did but he never took it to the next level of kinky.  He could fuck me within an inch of my life, and oh he did on more than one occasion including days where if I could have escaped I so would have cause I wanted to keep walking, and he would let me know that I was his when he called for whatever he called.  However, that next level of internal longing could never be realized partially because I couldn't voice what that need was and because he wouldn't have been able to do that for me anyway.

Now that I know what I want, short of being very explicit when asked, I suck at being aggressive.  I also suck aggressively but that's during private time with a lucky gentleman.  All of that bravado that got me sticky and wet once upon a time now is lost.  There are a few folks that if they asked, and I thought they were ready to really take ownership of me, could have that without me blinking twice or thinking hard about it.  But they don't ask and neither do I.  That voice inside of me that didn't care about the risk or potential denial of my lust is gone away.  She has been replaced by a woman who needs to be taken, claimed, and owned.  One who when properly folded into to her partner's pocket is an intriguing, to say the least, new toy.  I have yet to master the concept of needing my partner in the traditional sense.  I can and do take care of myself quite well but there's another kind of need I have.  A longing, a desire, an unsated want that keeps me searching for the man that can cause a slack in the thirst until the next time he takes me and torments me and makes me feel whole.  The one that challenges my mind before he throws me off balance.  The one I can take to a sorority function and who at a moment's notice may signal me to meet him in the closest bathroom where he fucks me four ways to Sunday before we rejoin the crowd.  The one whose voice on a digital message makes me mad I missed the call, my brain get a little fuzzy and creates a stirring in the center of my creamy goodness.  That creamy center that really likes being flooded with his seed.  There's a different level of "you are mine" when you feel him force himself deeper inside of you when his nut is releasing.  Don't get me wrong I love a good hot mouthful of cum and firmly believe that semen is a great moisturizer but when you don't have to do anything but receive him the world is such a lovely place.  That may not happen anytime soon, if ever again, but oh the rush of that moment.  I know it made me orgasm yet again when it happened before.

For any man that thinks I may be talking to you or desperately wishes I was.  My need isn't typical but it's there.  I got the bills, I can take care of my car, I'm not afraid of spiders, I'm open to having "friends" share our bed, I understand and like most sports, and at no point am I expecting you to be my everything.  I will readily admit to wanting you to anyone that asks but that basic kind of need of you isn't there.  It's deeper, it's dirty, it's depraved and whenever you feed that need it only makes me more totally and completely yours. 

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red desperately needs a vacation

Sunday, February 02, 2014 No comments
Not a vacation in the truest sense of the word.  I need a break from my life with my mother.  I had been looking forward to putting her on a plane yesterday and a hint of bad weather caused a massive freakout and since she hadn't even packed I couldn't shove her in the car and drive her there anyway.  There goes my three weeks alone and time to think about the next phase of my life and what I'm doing and want to do.  I've written new smut but I have submitted that for consideration in a few anthologies.  If they aren't picked up I will post them here for your perusal.  If they are picked up I'll give you details on the release dates and titles and what not.  Beyond that I'm in a weird place emotionally right now.  I need to hurt a little so I can process everything in my head but there's no one I trust to do that right now.  I'm so tired.

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