Didn't realize it had been three weeks since I posted. I have had a lot of things jumbling around in my head the last few weeks and work has kept me occupied as have random things that are good for me but eat into my schedule. I have taken on a few projects that I am excited about and I'm on countdown to my vacations starting. You read that right, one for fun and one for work at least but that only gets me through August. There could be others on tap. I will post my happy dance if there are more lol.
I haven't been posting as much because I'm frustrated. I feel unsettled a lot and out of sorts and well just plain stupid other days. My emotions can be all over the place as of late which I don't particularly enjoy. I feel like I'm a sling shot just jumping around from place to place without much guidance on my part. I haven't really even enjoyed the rain lately and longtime readers will remember I have a very intense fetish tied to rainstorms. But here I am now, and it could be because I'm worried about flooding or tornadoes cause it's just that time of year for a large chunk of the country, in the midst of ground soaking bone chilling storms and I'm distracted by thoughts of snacks and sleeping. I've been sleeping more than normal to me as well so I was thinking maybe my body is slowing down or heaven forbid I'm pregnant--I'm not, took a test to be sure, but seriously something must be wrong with me right?
The only thing that is really different is I for once in the many years this blog has been up haven't been venting my confusion about my current romantic life as much as I have in the past. I'm not sure if that is because I'm older and don't want an audience but based on traffic there's not much of an audience anyway lol. I'm not sure if it's because I'm shielding them from the mass ball of confusion that can be my brain. I know I enjoy them greatly and there are some days I think this is great and wonderful and yeah! And then there are days when I feel like I'm going to disappoint them. Not because I'm not good enough or we aren't compatible but because at the moment I'm really satisfied with the level of connection we have already and not sure if I need or want to push beyond that because that's when I tend to screw the pooch. That's not fair to them though is it?
I used to think I was broken but I think that may have been because I was trying to be like the other girls and really I am nothing like most girls, hell most people. I'm a strange mix of parts and there's nothing certain about my moods or whims or interests day to day or person to person. The only thing that anyone can reasonably rely on is my lust. If it's there then you know for certain when you are with me that I want you desperately. Beyond that I keep imagining a turtle sliding back into its shell between periods of fun and amazement. The rain is making me sleepy. Maybe it's time for a nap.