i am fucking angry

Thursday, June 18, 2015
this will be random as hell and not at all coherent so stop reading now if you are looking for something kinky or well thought out.

this week has made my mind snap when it comes to race and racial issues. crazy broad thinks she can be black because she identifies with black people. when that started depends on who she's talking to but she seemed to remember she was white when she sued Howard University for discriminating against her. then came the inevitable defense of her behavior and why can't she be black and look at all she did for black people. well let's just forget about all the fuckery that ensues from her behavior and give her a fucking gold star for giving it the old college try. after all being a black woman is the best thing on the planet so why wouldn't all women want to be black? well clearly some of you do cause you risk getting skin cancer trying to put some color in your skin but none of you really want to be melanin rich because save the glowing skin you don't benefit the way you do when you lose that color and are just an adorable blonde again. as for the rest of it get the fuck out of here with that bull shit as the kids would say.

the dominican republic is about to start forcibly relocating their residents Haitian descent who can't prove they are dominican. they only have two ways to do that and i'm nearly positive they were constructed because most people wouldn't be able to provide that information. under pressure from outside forces they may delay the deportations but they won't stop them. in the interim the Haitians are being randomly murdered and in one case hung in a public square for everyone to see. some of you may be wondering what the hell makes you mad about that i mean that's black on black crime right? well no one should be kicked out of their home they have clearly lived in for generations but this is being done mostly because of skin tone. those closer to my skin tone are being exiled and hunted and blamed for any number of things that they didn't do. much like they do right here in this country of ours. i had no immediate plans to visit the dominican republic but Mr. Wolf really likes it and wanted to go. my brain can't allow that. yes as he said they are being more obvious than they ever will be in the united states about their racial hatred but i can't see spending my funds in yet another country that hates people that look like me when i've having trouble dealing with the shit that exists here at home.

as i was finally letting that go of my anger at blatant racism and putting that broad into the big box of crazy shit i hear that someone walked into a church, a fucking me church, and proceeded to kill nine people. killed them because they were black, killed them without remorse, reloaded and made someone beg for their life then walked away so that she could tell the world why he came. and MOTHERFUCKERS are this morning saying we need to stop making things about race and he's not a terrorist he's just a confused and clearly insane person. QUIT FUCKING INSULTING THE CRAZY FOLKS OUT THERE. they don't go around shooting people because they don't like them. that strictly some shit that it primarily seems young white lonely men do to make a point, to feel powerful, to be recognized but not because any of the people they target legitimately did something to threaten them. and then the gun nuts come out and say wait wait he didn't have any record of mental illness so his guns were purchased legally we couldn't possibly know he might kill someone with the guns. if you're not hunting or in a war zone the average citizen doesn't need a hand gun. most of us wouldn't have a record of mental illness when we purchased a gun but you also won't report when that snap happens so we can come pick those up and make us all a little safer. plus it only takes one bad day for someone to no longer be sane and then we've got a well armed psychotically pissed person on the prowl.

i am tired of trying to reconcile the actual fantastic people i know with the crazy shit that comes out of the mouths of people that look like them after each one of these things happens. defend and dismiss, defend and dismiss, defend and dismiss over and over again. you diminish me and everyone that looks like me when you defend clearly racially motivated moments in this country and call us sensitive for drawing your attention to it. as best as i can tell the vast majority of you only really like us when you're recycling our style from 5 years ago, we're dancing, playing sports, singing or fucking you. those that are in my circle i love like they are my family. they understand or at least they attempt to without making excuses. their children don't understand the diminishing because i've never been anything other than aunt red who happens to be brown. they are my only hope that we can be better but they are so outnumbered it just vexes me.

and it makes me weary to think that this won't be the first or the last incident like this in my lifetime. there will be another and another and another round of dismissal and diminishing. and i will be on the edge of becoming that angry black woman you like so much in Madea movies. i cried this morning and i'm crying now because i don't know what to do with all of this anger. i am disturbed and unnerved and weeping that in the almost 40 years i've been on the planet i still feel like that small little girl in the back on the class hoping for one friend to really get me. i've had them repeatedly and that could be part of the problem. since those are my people i never paid much attention to the others. the others who thought i was there as part of some affirmative action push. who thought i wasn't as good as they were. who weren't attracted to me. i didn't give a rat's ass about them because i had my people. i should have been paying more attention that my people are a small tribe and the others are legion. yes i'm weary but even legions can be destroyed.

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