It's Good to be Naked

Sunday, October 25, 2015 1 comment
You know we are probably not naked enough as adults which is why it's so freeing when we can just be butt naked all day long.  It's Naked Sunday so I did everything I needed to do today naked save take out the trash cause that would be awkward and potentially public lewdness or something--plus it's cold outside lol.  Anyhoo, I've made meals, watched tv, played games and made a lovely video courtesy of the fucking machine or with the assistance of the fucking machine with a guest starring appearance of the magic wand.  Woosah it was a good day.  A good naked day.

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Home Alone, Not Quite Naked

Saturday, October 17, 2015 No comments
So the last time I was home alone was months and months ago.  It was great but never enough I swear so it is with great pleasure that I can announce I'm chilling alone again for the next 30 days.  So there will be a return to Totally Naked Sundays.  Now that I've rested from the ridiculous amount of prep that goes into getting her ready for her trips and the long drive back and forth to the airport I am looking forward to being unclothed again.  I ran some errands, did some laundry and laughed at the internet.  Tomorrow I'll restart the diet and get back to real life responsibilities.  Today was the last of the cheat days so I'm ready to get back to work on getting pinup or maybe rope bunny cute lol.  I miss rope.  Le sigh.  Beyond the impending full day of nakedness I'm thinking a lot like normal.  Some of it has been inspired by Fetlife posts but it's had me evaluating who I really am as a submissive.  I have learned a lot about myself in the last year and a half and I am amazed at the person I am now and the boundaries that felt impenetrable at one point that are gladly explored now.

There were lots of reasons why we didn't explore heavy play when Good Nhyte and I were together, most of them great reasons not to go there, but now that I have I feel like it would be difficult to submit without the promise of that at some point.  I've always liked feeling confined in whatever way that could be done but feeling rope on my skin, my body pinned in a certain position, my ability to remove freely restricted and it takes me to this almost immediate happy place.  My breathing slows, my mind clears and I'm naked without needing to take off a stitch of clothing.  I exist to explore that space and whatever desires the nice person tying me up has in store.  Apparently I'm a squirter and with the right prompting or prodding or poking lol it just starts to happen and I really only notice because there shouldn't be that much moisture there.  I'm better than I thought I'd be at handling certain poly relationship situations but it's not my forte as of this moment.  I can be spurred into jealousy and not a lot comforts me in those moments but I know rationally that folks have told me that regardless of what I think they still desire me for reasons that are wholly separate from anyone else.  But more than anything on the kink side of things I've figured out I enjoy the depravity, the degrading, the objectifying moments/thoughts/whims/wants/daydreams/fantasies/etcetera of Dominant men primarily but I guess the same thing could happen with a Dominant woman.  I've also learned that sometimes I just need to shut up because my opinion won't change someone else and their thoughts on life more than likely.  I'll share a bit and then keep it moving--that is major for me you just don't know lol.

While learning all of that would be fantastic for anyone I've figured something else out that could have been why I didn't fully succeed in other D/s dynamics.  I have been open and exposed and to use that phrase in a new way naked in ways that I have never been prior to this last 18 months.  I am flawed and weird and needy and horny and lusting and a great big old slut (well I knew that but I had been keeping it in check mostly because it seemed like I was supposed to and because my partners were not super keen on sharing me).  In short, I have been vulnerable in ways that are typically very uncomfortable to me and for me and even as I've been proceeding slowly and cautiously I have shared pieces of myself that I normally keep in check for my own protection.  I'm not sure why I'm willing to leave that safe space.  Maybe because I haven't gotten what I apparently needed in that space.  Stepping out may do nothing but allow hurt to visit in a different way but I don't think it will result in just that.  I feel inherently different than the girl I was in 2013.  I'm still a girl exploring things with the right person for a change I hope.  My study skills have picked up if nothing else lol.

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These Are Not My People

Thursday, October 08, 2015 No comments
I'm going to be super random so forgive me if you're new here.  Do you like Batman?  I don't mean the men that have played Batman (Keaton, Bale, Clooney, Kilmer) in recent history.  If you do then you have probably seen all the movies and discussed their good points and bad points.  As I was reading Fetlife again tonight I have had a conclusion reinforced for me.  I know that some of my folks are there and if we could just hook up we'd have a grand old time.  The problem is there are all the other folks in the way with all of their "interestingness."  Yeah I know that isn't a word but it's a fit for what I'm seeing.

Folks complaining about their inability to complain without having threads closed.  Folks imposing their weirdness on unsuspecting inboxes.  Folks irritated about the current state of BDSM and looking to assign blame to all manner of malcontents or in general folks they don't agree with.  Folks who can't seem to tolerate even a bit of dissension if it flies in the face of their carefully laid daydream.  A reemergence of the One True Way crew.  I rarely have extreme opinions that I'm not willing to at least hear someone else out on before I move on with my day.  It's getting harder to stumble through the morass of not my people for the fleeting moments of that little group of aliens are clearly my people and are waiting on me to come home--or at least the portion of the planet people like us can fully kick it in.

To be clear this is not just an online/Fetlife issue.  As I look around offline there's a lot of the same things happening.  I have noticed myself withdrawing from all of the noise again, which I seem to need to do more often than I used to, just so I don't snap at the sheer volume of stupidity.  Off tangent a commercial from a new Oprah Winfrey project just went off with her voice asking--what do you believe?  I believe that O is the anti-Christ.  Really how does a poor black woman from the country become one of the most powerful humans on the planet?  How does someone whose name was misspelled on her birth certificate, per her folklore, gain so much clout that she creates her own financial impact?  Something ain't right y'all I'm just saying.

Back to my point.  My people are just as sheltered or hidden as I am.  They peek their heads out to give me hope that I am not Leela from Futurama and I'm the last of my clan.  I'm super tired of looking for them though.  I'm going to wave at those that look promising and give a nod to those that seem to need it when I recognize my people.  But I'm super done with trying to hunt them down.  Be sure to knock and I'll show you the signal.  Can't have my people locked outside when we got snacks inside.

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