when she feels like breaking

Sunday, April 15, 2018 No comments
there are moments when she just feels like stopping and screaming and saying fuck it and wouldn't life just be easier if she could.  she knows she can't.  people depend on her to not sleep, juggle twelve projects, find a way from no way, be perpetually functional, sarcastic and supportive.  it doesn't mean she doesn't want to and that reaching out for help won't make it better.  mostly cause she doesn't know what she needs besides the ability to stop for a moment.  to do nothing substantial or significant or serious.  instead she sighs deeply, crises in the shower as needed, takes random moments for self-care and dream crazy dreams when her mind slows down enough to do so.  she thought about leaning on him but realizes no him has ever really provided what she needed in that moment.  no one has in nearly seventeen years.  it's not their fault, they love her and want to make her smile but there's no time for that, she just needs to be.  so when she feels like breaking she must find the superglue and do a quick patch job.  there's not room or space for more than a crack and repair.

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Just a flash

Sunday, April 08, 2018 No comments
You know I've been busy but I've had about fifty million things I could tell you that I haven't thus far.  No big reason for it but because sometimes when I'm not feeling fully engaged with D/s or being sexual I have no connection to this spot.  I have been thinking about a post for the last few weeks because my brain keeps having flashes of being pushed up against a wall or folded up in half on my bed and I'm being fucked hard.  My mind is blank and happy.  I make no attempts to touch the person having sex with me, call their name or do more than just enjoy the moment.  Having said that it's clearly not anyone I know.  Just a flash of a moment.  I don't even get close to having an orgasm and I've made no moves to force an orgasm after the flash ends.  I'm not sure I'm even horny during the flash but it's pleasant and then it's over. 

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