google's i feel lucky

Saturday, December 29, 2007 4 comments
every now and then i love google. before when you typed in weapons of mass destruction and then hit i feel lucky instead of search a very humorous error page showed up. tonight in my insomnia fit i typed in marry me and i feel lucky. the first thing that came up was this graphic comic that is hilarious. it's not over so now i have to keep going back to check on what happens with Ana, Guy, Parker and Jany because i'm anal like that. hope you enjoy it and if you don't you only wasted 10 or so minutes of your life. you weren't doing too much with them anyway lol.


contradictions or why i like the cookie dough analogy

Tuesday, December 25, 2007 2 comments
i started to write this post two weeks ago but i got sleepy and then went to visit my absolutely stunning and wonderfully intelligent almost eight week old niece. yes i know it's impossible to know she's going to be wonderfully intelligent but let auntie red dream big for a minute. okay anyhoo. i am just getting around to the post today. i contemplated saving it and doing a why i'm thankful post but that seems trite right now and it can wait till i'm no longer on call and can drink like a fish. okay so where was i? oh yes, the delay has just been one of those things with me as of late. things aren't getting done on a miraculous schedule but they are getting done. so here we go with what is sure to be a rambling post with likely little to no bdsm references so if you keep reading just know that you have been warned.

so to start with the title is way too long i know. but it makes sense in light of what is on my mind so bear with me. i know i've talked about it before here and others have elsewhere about the inherent contradictions there are in submission for some women, well for most women. even those who are submissive by nature still have their moments where they are fully in control of their lives and potentially the lives of others but at the end of the day they relinquish that control happily to someone else. if He were home i'd be one of those women. 8 to 5 life almost in total opposition the multitude of hours that surround it. no one that knows the strictly vanilla side of me would ever believe you if you sat down with them and said oh by the way red is a nice subbie girl who likes to get spanked. and honestly if i wasn't me i'd be right there in disbelief with them. i think this is why i have readily identified with women who seemed to be somewhat contradictory in presentation. women who are by all outward appearances very strong, in charge of their lives and sensuality/sexuality but seem to be waiting for something else or someone else to share the load with.

take the person who the cookie dough analogy originated with, buffy summers lol. i'm sure you are going what, isn't that buffy from buffy the vampire slayer? why yes it is. it was a random conversation toward the end of the show between buffy and angel. there is that inevitable moment whenever they are together that the tug starts up again and for a minute we can just hope they can figure out how to be really happy with each other without him going all crazy stalker vampire again. she just as easily could have said my job sucks and until it's over we can't be together to angel who as we know would still be smoking hot whenever that was lol but she didn't. instead she told him that she was still cookie dough and she wasn't done baking yet. she needed some time on her own before she could even daydream about angel with warm fuzzy thoughts again. it's a nice way to say i still have a load to carry that i'm not ready to share with you yet. instead he comes in and gives her the method to save herself and mostly everyone around her and leaves as he always does. and i can say that made me ache a little bit when i saw it because i could totally relate to being cookie dough because i didn't really understand why i never trusted the men around me to bake me as it were lol. i didn't trust them to appreciate the cookie dough that was me. instead i went about being very focused, very buffy-esque in my pursuit of me and only being half satisfied with it. to her credit, even when they have been thoroughly warped, sarah michelle gellar has played some pretty kick ass women on screen and has seemed to find someone that compliments her well privately. i love her and freddie together but please no more movies together. if you want to read the full quote scroll to the end of this post. thanks to Much Ado about Buffy the Vampire Slayer for having it up.

as i was prepping this i also thought about the mickey mouse club's former member now blond retro diva with the best pipes. i mean who else other than christina aguilera could have sung it's a man's world and done it immeasurable justice? i remember when christina and britney hit the airwaves and prayed for their quick demise from the pop world. i mean i really didn't need anymore sugary sweet blonds singing for me. especially when one couldn't sing. thankfully christina didn't go away, she evolved and got better writers and let her voice come through. stripped is one of my favorite albums ever and back to basics is equally lovely at times. she caught a lot of flack for that whole X-tina thing and i think she handled it well. yes she also dated a back up dancer but unlike the talent challenged peers that did the same coughjlocoughcoughbritneycough she didn't marry him or heaven forbid have babies with him. she moved on in private (thank heavens) mostly and found the man of her dreams, married him and with whom she is expecting (haven't heard if the kid came yet) her first child with. that's 1 marriage and 1 baby folks. i know i of all people shouldn't be sounding prudish but waiting until you are ready is such a wonderful thing. rebound marriages should be outlawed. but that's off tangent. she hasn't tried to become an actress, is putting out consistently good music and is well respected for her talent. yeah she is a cutie pie but she does that because she wants to not to mask her inadequacies in the studio. she's the vocal buffy equivalent but she also seems to have kept most of her private life private. she seems to happily be her husband's compliment even though in most circles no one knew his name before they said i do.

by no means am i saying that either of the women are submissive, i just see the contradiction in them that i see in lots of strong women who struggle to find that balance, the cookie baker if you will, for themselves. at the time it felt like i was being a traitor to the gender if i acknowledged the type of man i wanted in my life. that it somehow meant i had to do less in that day to day world if i wanted the right chef to come along and whip the dough into shape (pun fully intended). i struggled with that for years before i was ready to give up all the while finding the strength i saw in other women as empowering and kinda sexy lol. for much of the three decades i've been floating around the earth i've been cookie dough. i haven't completely lost my doughy consistency because there is no one here to pull me out of the oven when i'm nice and golden brown. but hopefully He will be soon and then He can tell you what kind of cookie i taste like (pun fully intended again).

beyond telling you what flavor of cookie i am i have decided some other things for 2008. i am not making resolutions this year. i never keep them unless the resolution is to ignore them. after my last bit of licensing stuff i am committed to a full out makeover of my mindset, my physical appearance and personal relationships. i am taking care of myself next year or i will die trying. i'm too young to be at my current weight. i'm too young to not be nurturing my friendships better and i'm entirely too young to not make sure everything is in good working order. i'll update you randomly about how that is going. hope you all are having a merry christmas, had a happy hanukkah, will have a happy kwanzaa and that something wonderful happens to you before your breaks are over.

Full Quote: "I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat— or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then... that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."


merry christmas lol

i will post something with more substance later


sugar while you wait

Thursday, December 20, 2007 2 comments
sorry for the delay, been enjoying my vacation

The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #111? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you're all set.

This Week's Picks

Sex Worker Solidarity: Audacia Ray

"Visibility on our own terms and the ability to uses our voices (and other mediums of expression) are key to the progress of sex worker's rights."

So Many Men, So Few Sluts

"Everyone wants to avoid generalizations about men and women, yet they're too powerful to ignore."

This Time

"She had That Look, and despite my earlier fatigue, I knew what was coming."

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Hombre Magazine's Left Handed Ads

Editor's Choice

Love in an Elevator

See also: Fleshbot's Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Sex Advice

The Everything Guide To Bras
Giving a woman a pedicure
Sex Tips for "Married Old Guys" - How to Keep Your Sex Life Hot, Even Without Erections!
Ten Things I've Learned abut Sex #3: Leave Your Clothing on a Pile

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Different Level of Consciousness
Jodie Foster, a lesbian
Loved endlessly...
Non-anniversary, uncelebration
Unwanted sexual experiences from a new angle; Men have needs too!
Where Do I Come (In)?

Sex & Politics

Strippers and libertarianism

BDSM & Fetish

Dinner and a Menage' a Trois
Dominating her, er again part2
A Little Restraint
More from my last visit (pt. 2)
My First Erotic Awakening Massage
One Hell Of First Date
V is for Vicious Ardor

Sex Work

Whip Me, Beat Me --And Call It Girlfriend Experience

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Featured Design: Pro-Porn
Fuck The Cheerleader, Fuck The World. (, Forced Orgasms, Cheerleader)
Gift Guide #2
Intern Sex Toy Review - Saturn Cockring
Interview with Greta Christina about hiring a professional submissive
Pinky & Jade at Pinkys House (Inside Dacia's Dirty Mind)

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Catalina loves Turning 36
Christmas Tree HNT
I Speak Roughly, Part 2: RBU
The Kiss: All Through The Night.
The Limitations of Terminology
Patience Rewarded
The Shower - Part One
Trying on Shoes (a fantasy)
Women Dancing

Sex Poetry

While sleeping

NSFW Pics & Videos

Danni's Friends in Daring Nude Galleries
Janelle Elson - Stairway To Janelle
Pornsaint Niya Yu

Sex Humor

Brunch Stories 2-The Strange Folks On Craigslist
Condom Use


words escape me (or maybe not)

Saturday, November 24, 2007 1 comment
i haven't posted recently as i haven't had anything to say. i haven't had a lot going on. i've been working, cranky, working, tired, working, missing Him, and working and being mad at Him. yeah i said it mad. i've been trying not to be mad because well it doesn't help Him at all. and being the good little trooper i've been trying to be mad doesn't play into the equation very well. i know it's not His fault. i know He'd be home if He could. i know that this is not how He chose to be spending the last eighteen months but i also know i was just tired of it. and it was unrealistic to think i was never ever going to get mad at Him. the moment has passed of course but it was boiling over a few days ago. i explained it all to Him in a rambling letter that i need to mail but won't detail here.

i've mentioned it before. people mean well by asking if i know anything and when He might be home but you cannot imagine how annoying, frustrating and just depressing it is to say the same thing over and over again. if i knew i swear i'd just blast it somewhere and then disappear so i wasn't having to field multiple conversations about what we were going to do or when i expected Him home exactly or if i was excited. let me just tell everyone now YES i will be excited not that i expect it to stop anyone from asking.

as a result of the frustration for lack of a better word, i haven't been all that motivated to write anything. i can't say that has changed either. i still look at the remaining letters and the lovely setup that Look it Up provided for me and nothing says oh yeah write me down and make folks diddle themselves. maybe later or maybe i'll go back to sleep. it is awfully early for me to be up on a saturday. just wanted y'all to know i was still breathing.

see ya


i want or the world is topsy turvy

Friday, November 16, 2007 2 comments
okay well not really topsy turvy. it's a bit different since mom is back now but that's okay at the moment. she brought my candy bar baby announcement for my niece and the announcement that my brother and sister in law created for the lovely bundle they created. they sent a big picture bundle as well that i need to have to converted over to a cd so i put her on display. well not really display. just put her in my office or something. that was all nice about mom coming back but the feeling of just general disconnect i've had lately hasn't going away.

i think i've been a little out of it in general because all the time she was gone i really didn't invest much energy into killing kittens. i walked around naked a lot well half naked in case someone knocked on the door and i needed to throw something on really quickly. i have just been kinda blah though. i want Him. i want Him to snuggle with and hear snoring in the bed next to me. i want to be thrown against the shower wall and struggle to keep my footing as He thrusts into me and makes me purr. i want lots of things that i can't have right now because He's not home. i watched The Unit this week and so shouldn't have. Hector's autopsy and memorial were just damn sad. i don't want to be the new chick who was just getting her relationship established only to have that person taken away with all the promise of the relationship shot to shit. i want to know how peaceful He is when He's sleeping soundly and how fast He'll move when i say i want a peanut butter cookie and a milk shake and some lo mein noodles at 3 in the morning in the 8th month of my pregnancy lol. i want the simple things and not so simple things and i want them yesterday but i'll settle for them tonight or tomorrow or the day after that. i want to know what His lips feel when He kisses me on the back of my neck. yeah that's what i want.


see jill--all i

Sunday, November 11, 2007 1 comment
....Tease me please me spank me feed me you
know what I need baby

the lyrics above are from the last little bit of All I from Jill Scott's latest cd. i love Jill Scott always have and i do enjoy those last lines as they bring a smile to my face. i like it much more than track 9--title escapes me--i know what Jill was going for there but really if all the Black women vanished off the face of the earth Black men would just marry other women and we wouldn't know so what would be the point in that. however much i like the lyrics it also makes me sad. even though He knows all those things an would happily spank me whenever He felt a need He's not home so He can't do that right now. just made me a little wistful when i heard them and then a little moody.

a friend always jokes with me that i could just find a replacement Dom to fill in until He gets home but really you can't replace your Dom unless it is time for Him to be kicked to the curb. and by no means am i ready to let Him go anywhere. even if my need for a spanking was really that great and right now it's not, being sublimated into other areas, there isn't a person that i could think of that would be able to hurt me without needing it to go further and really i want the after care and closeness as well so that's really a non starter. i just keep waiting and keep hoping that things will just work themselves out eventually. sooner as opposed to later of course but eventually. oh well, what's going on with y'all?


alice wants to break the looking glass

Sunday, November 04, 2007 1 comment
if this makes the slightest bit of sense i swear it will be an accident. you have been warned now let me figure out where to start. the last few weeks have surely been interesting. busy of course, new addition to the family which is beyond exciting and taking care of things since i'm in the house all by myself. it's a little odd being in here all by myself to be honest even though i am enjoying the privacy and the idea that i can walk around half naked if i want and she won't be looking to see if i have added any new tattoos. i haven't of course but she is so freaking nosy sometimes.

i miss Him but try not to miss Him because that feels like i'm somehow not being as supportive of Him as i could be. i haven't written to Him in a month at least and i feel bad about that too. nothing has stopped me from doing so other than the pity party i have been having i guess. i'm not being totally productive lol but i'm not an absolute stump. i have been listening to a lot of new music and everytime i think i found something that sort of captures the mood i'm in i'm wrong. zhane's "off my mind" has been rambling in my brain and the song is fitting until it gets to the whole let's get back together/i forgive you for being an ass refrain. i'm digging jill scott's new cd but nothing on there is really what i'm thinking pretty much because she's breaking up or horny on the entire cd. not that i'm not horny ROFLMAO but that's not what i'm thinking of when i think of Him all the time. then there is amy winehouse's "some unholy war." love it but i can't really fight at His side, well i'm sure the government might consider it seeing as how they are not going to ever have enough soldiers to sustain the non war we are in. but at the end of the day i really couldn't be WITH Him that entire time because that's just not going to be productive for either of us.

i'm feeling a little sad i guess. i don't like it. i like being retardedly happy when it comes to Him. hopefully this funk passes soon. back to the simpsons now.


sugery goodness

Tuesday, October 30, 2007 No comments

The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #104? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you're all set.

This Week's Picks


"Feel the electricity from my fingers as I peel the damp cotton of your panties away from your sex, as I ease them to one side."

The Man From Del Monte Says...Yes, Yes, Oh God! YESSS!

"She let her lips and tongue explore me all over."

Traveling the road, Sharing a load, Side by side

"I guess this is not very sexy, my ranting about politics while playing with your cock."

Mr. Sugasm Himself

The US Constitution Erotic Coloring Book

Editor's Choice

Dinner Date: Part 1

See also: Fleshbot's Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Sex Poetry

It's about priorities...
Orgasm - O - Vision

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Fantasy Football
In Need - Original Illustrated Erotica
Indian Summer
New Underpants
The Pied Piper
Touch Me Babe
A walk in the Woods

Sex & Politics

Love Your Body
Abstinence Only Sex Ed On the Ropes?

NSFW Pics & Videos

Happy HNT!
HNT the Menstrual Edition
I Feel Myself
Sinful Invitation
Sugar and Spice

Sex News & Reviews

2257 No More? Let the amateur porn flow!
Asian Woman Bound, Tickled and Forced To Cum
DamNation w/ The Reverend Bob Levy
NEW Super Sexy Designs!
Sex Toy Review : Under the Bed Restraints
Welcome to "Birds are smart" by Penny

BDSM & Fetish

Anal Training Part 2 -The Entering
Anniversary Present: A Fantasy
Cyber or real!?
Don't stop until I stop you
Face Slapping II
Hand Signals
L is for Look it Up
The Petting Zoo: Sex Camp, Day Two
Princess or Pervert?
Stiletto Mistress

Sex Work

Reality Check: Getting Sick

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

The Disclosure Dilemma
HNT - Half Naked Thighs
I Want to Fuck All of My Friends
A Prelude to an Eclectic Slut
Some Things Are Not Possible
Why was the sex so good?
Why We Aren't Really Swingers (part 1)


coming your way soon

Monday, October 22, 2007 No comments
New smut is coming soon, i'm just debating which letter to unleash next. One would be just terrific to lead into the others but it might not be as smut heavy as it could be otherwise lol. Okay i'm running away now, entertain yourself with the quiz for now

Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
created with
You scored as Submission

It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominate person wouldn't be a bad idea.





Exhibitionism and Voyeurism










Vanilla Sex







you got served?

Saturday, October 13, 2007 2 comments
i write in bursts so y'all will have to forgive me. i was talking to a friend, fellow sub, about well being a submissive. when i entered the lifestyle i was labeled a textbook sub by the former Dom. one of those folks that in most aspects of their lives were fully capable of supporting themselves and managing their day to day lives but who was not at peace in their relationships unless they were relinquishing that day to day decision making to someone else. i disagreed with the last bit to a degree. i mean it would be nice to be able to stay locked up in the basement but sista does have a job and we have bills to pay. but i do agree with his point that i am fully capable of just doing me. i did it quite well in the 29 years it took for me to run into the person that made those secret desires not so strange anymore.

the power differential is a blissful thing with the right person and i am glad that i have found Him now despite this elongated separation. however i think that my textbook-i-ness is what also makes me able to serve Him better. i mean really how can you serve or take care of someone else when you can't take care of your own basic needs? and yes i choose to take care of Him which makes me somewhat different from a slave in that regard but my point is the same no matter your label. if you are incapable of standing on your own two feet how can you function when your sub gets sick, or your Dom is too tired or emotionally drained to tend to your mood swings, or whatever the scenario might be? an independent sub sounds like an oxymoron to some i know but He doesn't want me because i NEED Him to guide me, He wants me because i know how to handle my life but i WANT Him to be my guide in this life. He appreciates that i have stood like a strong little soldier and taken care of what needed to be done while He's gone.

we all have to come to these potential relationships with more than eagerness. it takes a lot of compromise and understanding and no small bit of self-direction to maintain what we build. we all know their are times when the D/s has to take a backseat to life and if you aren't built for life then the D/s will likely self-destruct. make sure that you are in order before you try to serve someone else or be served by anyone else. it's not fair to the party in question to not be at your best and truthfully i hate seeing two folks drift away from each other because they weren't solid enough in who they are to know they could seek comfort from the person who isn't supplying every single bit of their happiness but who would be there for us if we asked. just something to ponder on i guess. i surely plan on giving Him all of me but that means all of the good, the bad, the strong, the weak and everything in between and let Him mold that without looking at Him like my sole source of what is good in the world. i can serve Him with a smile because i can serve myself the same way.


nothing to say, too much on the brain

Sunday, October 07, 2007 No comments
have you ever had one of those moments? there is so much running around in my brain but absolutely none of it is useful in the grand scheme of things. what i want i really cannot have but i don't want to dwell on that or make the object of my want feel bad about not being available. He would be here tormenting me, making me play nice with my mother and planning a slightly less elaborate than He might originally have planned, when and if planning took place at all, wedding so that by all appearances we were just another perfectly happy upwardly mobile couple. i do like the appearances don't get me wrong, but it would be very nice to be able to take in a pillow to plop down on at work and not really explain my ass is steamy red and uncomfortable to plop down on without extra padding. i mean i could, i don't share everything with the folks at work but it would be nicer to not even have to broach the subject. that your kink, as long as it wasn't harming anyone else, could be just another basic old relationship.

i'm not desperate for a spanking at the moment. i could really go for one but the reality of life means the great lord spanko is not available so i will just enjoy sitting on my tushy while i can. i daydreamed for a moment on friday that He would surprise me at the car a la one of my smutty stories from a while back. yeah no such surprise lol but it was nice to daydream. i'm going to grab a bite to eat and read so i can return this book to the library. if anything becomes coherent enough to scribble out here i'll be back. if not enjoy your sunday.


sugasm 99

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 No comments

The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #100? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you're all set.

This Week's Picks

Don't think...

"As you read this, you reach for your cock and stroke it slowly, in anticipation of our eventual meeting."

I'll be out in 2 mins, I'm just brushing my teeth...

"One centimetre at a time, he slid oh so slowly into me and then retreated out again."

We all have Secrets

"I'll give you a little reminder - it was when he and his wife were making me cum so hard that I blacked out."

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Iris Bahr's Festive World

Editor's Choice

Letter to a Lover

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Better than Cocktails
The Birthday Box
Burlesque: Getting Ready
I assigned Kis Lee the word 'resentment'
In the city lights
A Much Needed Climax

Sexual Poetry

Symplexity Presents: A Wild Ride

BDSM & Fetish

Arrival: Sex Camp, Day One
Boy Toy
Catalina loves Guest Cock
Counting the Days
M is for Manhandled
Movie, tit whipping, and anal sex
No Big Deal...Or Not?

Sex News & Reviews

Happy 2nd Blogiversary to Always Aroused Girl!
Fleshlight Review
A Nawty Mouz's Sexy Library of Kinky Linkies!
Violet Wands

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

The 100 Unsexiest Men Of 2007
I think we broke my dick...
Not everything has a pre-emptive strike...
Now what?
Radical Fucking Honesty

Sex Work

Sex Work And Religion: The Pagan And The Jew

NSFW Pics & Videos

Antea & Christina (errotica archives)
Death or an invitation?
Friends, Frenemy's, Half-Naked Peeps! Lend me your ears!
Half-Nekkid Public Exposure
Monique Alexander Nude
Monika - Chat Noir


all quiet on the bored subbie front

Sunday, September 30, 2007 No comments
nothing is really going on around here. now that i don't have to focus my attention solely on passing an exam i have a lot more free time on my hands. time to miss Him of course and hope that He's okay wherever in that godforsaken desert He's hanging out. i got manhandled out of my system but my remaining letters aren't encouraging any new smut just yet. i have been looking at a potential self publishing venue thanks to green lantern to stop saying i'm going to do this and just start doing it. of course lazy soul that i am i would much rather go the traditional route so that we can work on everything together and go from there. truthfully i'm bored and before that would get me into a mountain of trouble. bored horny subbie girl was not a good combination when there was a bunch of horny men around. however, i'm well aware of the only itch they would be able to scratch despite protestations would be the need to kill kittens and that's not enough. i need the whole kit and kaboodle and i need it from Him.

i've been dreaming a lot lately too. mostly about the two of us in bed asleep, no scenes, no long vacations filled with sexual depravity. just us in bed pressed against each other safe in the knowledge that He was home and safe and that in about 25 minutes children would burst through the door and invade the half naked sanctuary we had established. gonna have to work out the sleeping situation as i really don't like clothes overnight and that would not be attractive to Littlest Soldier. besides i don't want to be waddling down the aisle so we'll probably have to sleep in something to stop those midnight oopsies when searching for a condom is just not fun and damn i'm knocked up moments from happening. ahh well let me go eat my very late breakfast.

i don't know if i took this test before but yippee i'm 100 percent spankable now

Your Score: SPANK SLUT

You are 100% spankable!

You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn�t be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.

Link: The How Spankable Are You Test written by bazz22 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test


silly stuff

Sunday, September 23, 2007 No comments
You Should Rule Jupiter

Huge and hot, Jupiter is a quickly turning planet with short days and intense gravity.

You are perfect to rule Jupiter, because you are both dominant and kind.
You have great strength and confidence, but you never abuse your power.

You are always right. Even if you make mistakes, you compensate for them... before anyone knows it.
Headstrong and ambitious, you always have a goal in mind. You are optimistic and believe thing things will always work out.

Your Preppy Name Is...

Truxton Parke Foxhall the Fifth
But most people know you as Corkie


inner demons=better people/product

Friday, September 21, 2007 No comments
this post may ramble a bit so you've been warned lol. for the last few weeks i've been listening to the amy winehouse cd that i checked out from the library. i love our library you can check out anything damn near and keep it for at least a week if not more with no major issues. that's off tangent though. i really didn't pay much attention to amy beyond rehab which i loved and i think posted the video here at some point. i mean the song was hilarious to me primarily because of what i do for a living but still funny regardless of that. i figured if it sucked i'd drop it back off at the library and call it a day like i do with cds i don't like. instead i came home and took advantage of my 5 for 1 deal with bmg. not that i was even a blip in my mother's brain at the time but amy's cd reminds me of old Motown music which was full of emotion and good backing music that properly conveyed the sentiment it was reaching for. this is off tangent as well but friends of mine as well as music writers remarked this year that the best "black/urban/soul" whatever you want to call them cds this year were created by non-black artists (another invasion of the blue eyed soul singers lol--check out robin thicke) that were really talented and not just the new pop sugary thing. okay back on tangent. amy has put together a nice little collection of music. however, amy has MASSIVE issues. she's had a rehab stint this year for "exhaustion", has been hammered on stage, spits on fans and is overall in need of help. she's not really a sympathetic character but she doesn't really seem to want that. she just wants to be accepted for who she is, so it appears, and for the most part we have. there's no pop backlash primarily because she's always appeared as a boozing, hard living, type of chick. we look at her and go she needs help to conquer her demons but we don't expect her to do it anytime soon and let's face it we can excuse a lot of crap when people are doing something we like or appreciate. which leads me to the point of this post. some of our most gifted actresses, actors, musicians, artists, and the like have had some of the strangest issues and the most flawed personalities . we overlook them until it's nearly too late because the product is always pretty good.

and i believe that when we fight off our demons and get past them we are usually better off for it. but do we have to let people suffer so long to get there? is it a matter of we know someone isn't ready so there is no need to push? or is it a fear that the work produced will somehow suffer when they aren't looking for approval through the eyes of others? i'm not sure really no matter how many times i've tossed it around in my head. i'm not perfect by any means. i have had an assortment of issues that i've mostly dealt with at this point lol but i can't say it's had a profound impact on my life right now. i work a little harder on some things than others and i sometimes do more than i might otherwise for people who remind of where i used to be. but no one is watching me with adoring eyes. well one person will be lol but not millions of folks.

when are the demons too much ladies and gents? when do we force someone to change or leave them to their own devices?


da da da da da da da

Friday, September 14, 2007 No comments
clearly i'm bored lol. nothing is going on here right now. i am watching wwe smackdown for a change--normally we don't have the cw so this is just odd. the channel the cd is on is normally a preview channel. the network doesn't seem to have a perpetual slot just yet but whatever. all i really need is friday night from 7 to 9 and i'm good. i don't watch most of the cw programming lol. and i've actually been happy because it meant i couldn't be drawn into top model viewing parties. i think she's just weird now lol.

i love the library, grabbed a bunch of books to look over before i decide which ones to buy and enjoyed amy winehouse on the way home. she got some issues but the cd is nice. i was kinda hoping kanye and 50 went double nickel so i could get rid of both of them but oh well. mostly i've just been feeling kinda crappy and wondering what was wrong with my car. i dropped it off today and missed lunch as a result but 100 bucks later all i needed was a new battery and it was ready to go when i got off work. i even did something nice for mom before i came home and took some necessary drugs. they did let me drive a nice shiny sante fe which short of having me feeling like i was up entirely too high was nice. i didn't drive it like i would my baby because well it isn't mine but i might test drive it when i finally decide to get rid of my car.

other than not feeling good, i've been just kinda blah. i've been playing on my dolly site ( and entertaining myself with that. i haven't been able to tell Him that i passed yet which kinda sucks. hopefully we can talk this weekend. all right i have a new letter picked out for smut--the letter m--as soon as i get another burst of inspiration--maybe i'll watch mr and mrs smith--i'll get to work on it. okay see ya and Night Owl i hope you feel better.


celebrate good times come on

Monday, September 10, 2007 No comments

after a semi painful wait i found out that i passed my exam this afternoon. i won't get my actual score till next week but who cares at this point i passed. that means i don't have to take it over and i don't have to feel like a complete retard for not having passed the first time i took it. of course the exam itself has little to do with my job and has no actual bearing on my intelligence but it sucks to high heaven while you are waiting for it to come back. unfortunately for me the primary office person is not there this week so that is why we are in a holding pattern on the actual score. but woo woo woo.


i've been a bad bad girl

Sunday, September 09, 2007 No comments

okay so not really and hold on for a second let me see something. everytime i say i've been a bad bad girl i think of the video right above this. my days of breaking a boy just because i can have long since faded. i don't deal with men that i can break or easily manipulate anymore. it's actually boring being able to get exactly what you want constantly. well at least it was for me. it's fun for like a week and then it dawned on me that the boy in question would do anything i said including some things i'd never do for him so i'd look to replace him with someone that would prove to be a bigger challenge. of course this was all about a decade ago at this point but yeah i still think of that song. thanks to one of my friends i also have another song stuck in my head. i think i posted it when it came up around christmas time cause it was hilarious but feel free to laugh again if you like.

other than that i really have been behaving. except for the thirty minutes that i was laughing because a sorority sister announced her pregnancy--i didn't laugh in her face that would have been rude--and she is just not maternally minded so we are all wondering what will happen now. i still don't have my scores back yet but what can you do. hopefully they will come in tomorrow and give me some resolution one way or the other. thanks to everyone that has said you have passed don't worry about it but i'm a little anal and yes i know the various ways that can be misinterpreted lol. nothing i can do about the scores right now i just want em back now. i think i'd like a box now lol. damn military service.

see ya

oh my god, i forgot to share what my friend told me. he knows all about me and the kink that is my life and in having a conversation about football i told him about this recurring fantasy i have about Roaming Soldier and the NFL season lol. all my friend said was you need some Orbit gum cause you are a dirty dirty girl. that made me crack up. so here's an orbit commercial for you.


smut all over the world

Monday, September 03, 2007 1 comment
okay over the world might be reaching. this blog has been pretty smut free over the last few months. my "real" life has been invading and i've talked about what was keeping me occupied which unfortunately for some of my faithful readers has meant a complete dearth of anything remotely kinky. i'll have to be honest. part of me was disappointed in myself because i think i've gotten fairly good at writing the smutty stuff even when it doesn't prove to generate a lot of interest from anyone but the nice tall Man that inspires them. another part of me has said well that is real life, we aren't always overtly sexual creatures searching for our next erotic fix. yeah but anyone that knows me knows that's a reach for me. i am a big ball of horny when i'm not overwhelmed by other things. that's part of why my exes did love me so, i mean there are very few men that wouldn't want a big ball of horny that was all theirs to play with whenever they wanted. even when i have had intentions of belting out something smutty the mood passes and i take a nap or watch something animated or something else. i didn't even enter a smutty writing contest because my brain wasn't willing to write anything new and i didn't think anything old that i had written would qualify. thankfully for me, mom had a tantrum that kept me in my room and not cooking today so i was around to talk to green lantern and then stumble back upon the aforementioned writing contest. the winning entry was good but it didn't capture my attention the way THIS STORY did. give it a gander if you are interested in something else because my proclivities have not quite returned at this point. they are coming back slowly but they aren't back just yet.

of course you can always check out sugasm and well i was about to type blogstormz but it appears to have disappeared into the great beyond. ahh well, that sucks but there are a number of toplists out there that might be of interest to you as well. but take heart i have gotten the smutty vibe back and will likely be updating you soon enough. be blessed and if you were off today i hope it as pleasant for you.

always His girl


okay maybe sleeping is overrated

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 No comments
so i went to bed late last night but not super late for me. as reward for me getting more rest i had a very bizarre dream. i was in a cabin with my mother and brother and needed to go shower so i could go to campus. my brother walked me out to the facilities and went into another shower area while i went into the "girls" area and ran into one of the girls from my doctoral cohort. we looked down and screamed which brought my brother over to see what had us screaming and there was a man in drag handcuffed under the grate. my brother shook his head and walked off as i was saying call the cops. cuffy said leave him alone and let him take his punishment like a big girl. my friend and brother "reminded" me of who cuffy was and then i got dressed and we walked the mile or so to campus.

as soon as i got there, we parted ways and i ended up on a train/bus to an amusement park. my niece was there, she was like four instead of sixteen but still there, looking adorable and i was talking to Roaming Soldier but i couldn't see His face. someone that i liked to flirt with was there too but he was the one sitting with me not RS. so we go to the park and everyone is having fun and i am very confused but am enjoying the flirting so i continue it. we take the kids to get some food and have to stop them from eating on the floor. we had been arguing once we went out for food, me and the other women there, about where to go and how to get there because they kept getting lost and getting on my nerves. then all of a sudden flirty starts getting on my nerves and says something rude that makes me upset. i want to leave but of course i didn't drive plus my niece is having a blast so it would be mean to take her out. so i'm sitting there looking frustrated and then RS walks over to my end of the table and He leaned over and kissed me. He told me that everything would be okay after He broke the kiss and then i woke up.

it was so odd and that's what i get for going to bed on time lol. see y'all


insomnia loves me

Monday, August 27, 2007 1 comment
howdy folks,

nothing is really going on here. i hoped to be sleeping like a normal person post exam but my body hasn't decided to play catch up yet. instead i spent the last twenty or so minutes cleaning out my blog roll. with the exception of people that i have some personal connection to i deleted nearly all the blogs that hadn't been updated within the last three months. most were at five months or longer and i hate that blogs go dark but i also hate clicking on them and seeing nothing new. i figured you did as well so thus some changes were made. i also added some new blogs, mostly to the kinky list, because as a community we do well when we support one another lol. there are things that some of the new links discuss that could be greatly helpful to you and others have been linking to me for quite some time and i figured i should return the favor. if for some reason a blog couldn't be reached anymore i also deleted the blogs to save folks a bit of frustration.

i've been tossing some things over in my brain tonight that i really need to talk to Him about but i haven't been able to do that yet which totally sucks. beyond that i'm okay i guess. been watching way too much silly television (ie robot chicken) and missing Him. i perused a book called how to survive the bridal wave (that period of time that everyone else you know is getting married) which was funny and would have been front and center on my bookshelf about three years ago. now it's interesting but not something i have to have. instead i've been more invested in looking at a career girl's guide to becoming a stepmother. i can't say that i'm super career girl but it has been giving me something else to do. of course in these moments i start thinking about other things as well.

i wrote a whole lot of crap just now and deleted it. i need to talk to Him about that first. y'all have a nice night.



the storm is over now

Sunday, August 26, 2007 No comments
okay so that is reaching a bit but i'm two days past my test now and my brain isn't as mushy nor am i feeling so crappy about my total lack of intelligence. the test felt horrible. i mean i knew stuff and would be feeling good and then go what the hell is this. but apparently that's what everyone feels like so i don't feel too bad about that anymore. plus i spoke with two people i know and love and understand this process which made me feel better too. now it's a waiting game until i get my scores. keep your fingers crossed for me.

so while i was in recovery mode--still in recovery mode but the first few hours post test is what i mean--i went and watched the last chapters of trapped in the closet by r. kelly. he needs therapy, long-term intense therapy, and jesus and drugs lol. it was hilarious but he was so wrong for it not wrapping up the damn plot line. now i really do think he's gonna make this an ongoing saga that will just release more chapters until he gets bored and doesn't like the stories anymore. if you liked the first twelve by all means watch the new ones cause it's funny to see what he comes up with but don't expect a stunning conclusion cause you aint getting it. i was about to write a blog called i hate r. kelly's ass but i was too busy laughing to write it out.

okay now that i've told you i'm still alive and that the test is over i am going to go flip through bridal magazines and watch the futurama marathon.


hee hee hee hee

Monday, August 20, 2007 3 comments
Visit to learn your Lustsign!

Apparently that explains a LOT about me. Wonder if that would make my exes feel better about their umm inability to make me sleepy?


project funny

Sunday, August 19, 2007 No comments
i am a huge fan of bravo's reality tv stuff. well two of them, top chef and project runway. every now and then there is a recipe i want to try and i'm always amazed at what the fashion folks whip up. anyway i was scrolling the net tonight, no surprise there, and found this quote from project runway host heidi klum about her husband seal.

Her husband, musician Seal, also chips in around the house, whipping up traditional English breakfasts of eggs and beans. And they take time for each other, keeping the romance alive - aided by her tight-fitting jeans.

"He always does a butt check," says Klum, who returns the favor. "I like him in jeans. I like him in anything. I like him without anything."

Which almost makes it obvious how they keep their relationship hot.

Says Seal: "It keeps itself hot."

okay i'm sorry that's the cutest thing i've seen a married couple say in lord knows when. here's a link the whole article if you want to SEE IT (umm click see it in ase you were confused).

the studying is going well, i'm well beyond passing now but i am still going to drill until probably tuesday and just review a little bit on wednesday. hope everyone is okay.



i know i don't know you, but i want you so bad

Saturday, August 11, 2007 1 comment
yeah my brain is going random on the maroon 5 lyrics. that's track 9 on their first cd--songs about jane--not remember if there was a real jane but you kick ass if you exist because that cd is still fierce many moons after it was released. i have been listening to it again the last few days and it made me think about Roaming Soldier. that just gave me a shiver lol. i have never been alone in a room with the man that has totally rearranged my life, my priorities, my wants and dreams. every time we thought, maybe this weekend--maybe in a few weeks--maybe by Christmas, we were bitch slapped by the cold hand of reality. normally a good slap on the ass is well hey all good lol but when it's not being delivered out of love then it's just kind of hollow. i'll admit my writing has improved quite a bit because of Him. my imagination has dug into all the unexplored nooks and crannies in my brain BUT that's left a few other nooks and crannies left empty and needy. needy really isn't the right word, more like hungry. i know more about Him than i've known about any man ever in the nearly 32 years i've been on this planet. but short of His rather amazing stature i could bump into Him on the street and not even recognize His smile. that seems so crazy to me when i say it or write it as the case may be but it also has never felt more perfectly right and necessary before in my life. i want to cease on the possibility He has gifted me with. which is what led me to the last song on the cd. sweetest goodbye is the name the song and it just made me think of the retarded nights i've spent crying myself to sleep since He's been gone and the afternoon both of us were too shell shocked by His departure to say much of anything like we were nervous teenagers again. regardless of the sanity of the act-the behavior and emotion hasn't waned in the nearly 18 months He's been in my life. so i'm posting these for you to listen to get where my head was at. had to get them on youtube as imeem is editing the hell out of things lately and you wouldn't get the point at all. both are just still photos with the songs playing but you need to hear adam's voice to understand the point.


it's quiet over this way

Monday, August 06, 2007 No comments
it's been a busy weekend. i'm doing my crisis coverage which has been relatively tame. hopefully it stays that way over the next few days as there are a billion and one other things that need to have happen over that time too. the studying has been eye opening. i took my first post-test and tanked it lol. wasn't even close but it made me focus on the areas that i screwed up and post-test two is on track to be a pass. i'm going to hope in the shower and climb into bed with another review section as i prepare to go to bed. it's not like i'm remotely sleepy anyway and showering tonight will help save some time in the morning when the effect of the not sleepy now is kicking me squarely in the ass. have y'all been watching rock of love? it's not as bad a train wreck as flavor of love but it's just weird to watch. scott baio is 45 and single is much funnier. i did get to talk to Roaming Soldier the other day. well it was like 2 in the morning on Saturday but it was good. we talked about family and stuff before He had to go and made me go to bed. which i should start working on now too. y'all be good and keep me and my studying in your prayers lol. then maybe i can get back to the smut.

ETA i just HAD to add this as oh my god this whole trapped in the closet mess is freaking hilarious. chapters 13-22 will hit on the 13/14 and the dvd itself will come out the week i take my exam. i might treat myself if i am up to giggling after the test.



Thursday, August 02, 2007 3 comments
for those of you that visited my 360 blog lately you might be concerned about the blast that's posted there but they are a few lyrics from the song that i'm about to post in a second. just as a warning the song is a bit angry sounding rap music for those of you that don't like that kind of thing. i'm on the final countdown to taking my exam and this has been keeping me smiling as i bust through review after review. i'm a day behind on starting the exams but i finished the last section tonight in a marathon (well technically yesterday considering the time) session and was amazed by how much of it i remembered just outright and how much i disagreed with when i got to the section on the effects of divorce--hazard of doing your dissertation on that topic i guess. regardless that review gave me a needed "i feel smart" boost because this test is slightly overwhelming. trying to balance that with work, missing Him and the Littlest Soldier and taking care of mom and myself and i feel like i need a long nap. i'm taking the day off after my exam and maybe the monday after that but i'm not certain on that one yet.

on another note, i have started my healthier eating kick. wasn't so bad really. had some snacks that were low cal and properly proportioned. i need to work on making better dinners for myself but the lunch i had was great and also low calorie. i need to up the water intake from non existent to some lol and get back to working out. all in due time. the rest of this year is about taking better care of me so i can take better care of everyone else. okay i'm done, y'all be good.


gonna wash that gray right out of my hair

Friday, July 27, 2007 No comments
i really do have a crap load of gray hair. as soon as i finish this i'm going to go mix up my blowout burgundy and make my hair all nice and shiny again. i've had gray hair since i was 12, and while it wasn't really annoying at the time as they have gotten more plentiful and longer they are very not cool. i've been terribly moody lately. i miss Him more than i can say sometimes but i don't want to blab that all out every day. plus i don't want to even acknowledge it every day. that's so damn depressing. it does get me focused on other things sometimes but the last few hormonal days have just been a bitch. so instead of forgetting i've been wallowing and listening to anita baker and making plans that i haven't quite kept lol. oh well, next wednesday is a healthy eating start day. less fried, more planned out meals and the like. and after i take my test next month i'll get back on the strip aerobics grind. it was fun but didn't have enough privacy to do it in the old place. i don't have that excuse anymore and i want to drop some weight and get back in shape soon. if i can be down ten pounds by christmas i'll be a happy kid. i'll be a happy kid needing a new box of blowout burgundy but a happy kid. see y'all later.


steal some cover share some skin

Sunday, July 22, 2007 No comments
i already have a post talking about the maroon 5 sunday morning song so i hit you with another line of it and will keep moving. sorry it took me a week to update. last week was interesting to say the least and between my broken bed, crazy schedule at work and watching my checking account get drained of testing fees there was a lot going on. i got to talk to Roaming Soldier briefly and i'm glad that He's feeling better but this separation is starting to take a toll on Him which of course i don't like and would prefer He could come home and just let me take care of Him. in the meantime since He uses phone time to talk to the Littlest Soldier we have decided that i'll be sending Him a different kind of message from time to time that He can listen to when He wants. not sure if that will be electronic or via old fashioned methods but we'll figure it out. either way i'm prepared. too bad my day to day life is so boring that most of it will seem rather dull. i'm sure a few of you are wondering how the bed broke so i'll tell ya. my bed was about 6 years old and had it stood in one location all that time i'm sure it would have been just fine. but it was set up and broken down in four different states and in five different locations. it's just a bit cranky at this point lol especially since the last three of those states happened over a three and a half year period. i got a new bed and just need to set it up. i've been busy studying and sleeping, taking a lot of naps lately--if i didn't know better i would have thought i was pregnant but that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO freaking impossible there is nothing else to say about that. all right more mindless stuff for you to click. have a good day.

ps am i the only person that has no desire to see j ho and her hubby in a movie? yeah that's right i called her j ho.

If You Were Born in 2893...

Your Name Would Be: Galt Laif

And You Would Be: The Destroyer of Earth

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap.
If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.
You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.
Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.
You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.
Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

You Are 28% Spoiled

You're barely spoiled. You may have some nice things, but you never let them go to your head.
You appreciate each gift you're given - and you don't dwell on what you "deserve" to have.

You Are A Relationship Rescuer!

You don't ruin relationships, if anything you keep them together
The key: you respect yourself and your guy. Which goes further than you might think.
You simply treat your guy how you would like to be treated... the old golden rule.
And in return, he treats you like gold - or at least tries. And how perfect is that

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need.
You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law.
While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top.
You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.
You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.
You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.
This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Your Wrestler Name Is...

Foxxy Tomcat