i'm so in trouble

Thursday, June 28, 2007 1 comment
and i deserve it. i haven't intentionally not studied but with the lovely cramping and being on call i just really haven't been focused on what i'm doing with my work. i will be able to buckle down again this weekend since i'm off call and have no standing engagements. i don't have to leave all weekend again and i should be able to get through another two or three sections at least. keep your fingers crossed for me because when He sees this then the spanking count that i don't like is going to go up. the other spanking count, you know the fun one, that one is great and all but the icky punishment one has been low and i appreciate that.

anyhoo, does anyone remember chick-o-sticks? those were the best things ever when i was little. the only time i can tolerate coconut is in chick-o-sticks. i've been using them to feed my sugar fix during this lovely period of the month. great but i'd prefer to have the big sticks instead of the individually wrapped bits. still it's been yummy yummy yummy in my tummy.

tonight was the end of the starter wife. not sure how many of you were watching it but i really liked it. i think i just really like debra messing and like to see what she can do with a role. it was a short summer series and while they wrapped it up all nice and stuff i would have liked to see it continue. i didn't watch the web episodes (webisodes for the technologically savvy) but i may watch them now. click HERE if you want to know what i'm talking about.

and finally i really like this song. it made me remember all the stupid men i have dated and recovered from lol. the video though is just damn twisted and strange. JT gets a little violent and Scarlett is looking very Christina Aguilera-ish during the whole thing. not that i don't think X-tina and the Timberman wouldn't be an interesting mix but she's very married and in wuv and he is dating Jessica Biel or the actress formally known as the church hottie (okay so maybe i was the only one that referred to her as such but they really made a big deal of her being uber hot when she was still on seventh heaven). if you want give it a watch but warning up front while the song is maybe 6 minutes and some change the video is almost 10.

Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around...

Posted Feb 12, 2007

Justin Timberlake has a wild love affair with Scarlett Johansson while performing an epic single at a stylized LA club.


if i can't have You....

Saturday, June 23, 2007 1 comment
i have been quiet again huh? you would think it would be because i was studying and while i did crack the book from time to time that hasn't preoccupied me enough to just disappear again. i think the day to day grind of Him being gone has started to get to me more than i thought it would. it probably doesn't help that every few days some massive ambush or lovely/horrible stat has been tossed around about the number of soldiers that have died in the last 24/48/72 hours. i do a pretty good job of ignoring those things most of the time but the last week has been hard. i have really just wanted to crawl between His arms and be still for a while. i was antsy all day today too and that has made this sort of self-imposed hiatus even weirder. usually i try to keep in contact with more people that i like to distract myself but i have really wanted to ignore as many folks as i can. i want Him and i can't have Him and that is not fun at all.

i can't even revert to my old modus operandi of "you can be replaced" because i truly don't believe that right now. there might be someone as interesting but it wouldn't be Him. i probably sound like a whiny little brat and guess what i am lol. i want Him home for purely selfish reasons. oh well let me go study since i'm awake and not harassing Night Owl.

before i go though, is eddie murphy the most trifling new dad ever? you dumped the mother of your sixth child during her pregnancy and then denied that child and then refused to take a paternity test until you were forced to do so. i hope little angel iris gets to see a different side of you than we have seen lately cause right now you suck.


Daddy 1, brat 0

Saturday, June 16, 2007 1 comment
well He finally saw that i hadn't really been studying as much as i should have and was able to talk to me about what i was doing or not doing as the case may be. i'm on a wee bit of a punishment if i don't get my act together tout suite. so i may come back and update this later tonight but right now i have to handle the test construction section at least. have a good day ladies and gents.

edit: okay so i finished my test construction section in between a client crisis and boring tv line up. i'll get to work on social psychology in the morning. that virtual ass slap seems to have gotten me back to work.


god i'm babbling

Tuesday, June 12, 2007 4 comments
i'm not sure what this post is going to turn into because my brain is kinda all over the place. i haven't been studying nearly as much as i should even when i have the time. i am almost begging for Him to discover that and well get on my case. being pseudo independent is not all that much fun. especially right now in the midst of birthdays, anniversaries, father's day and the impending 4th of july weekend. all these times when we should be together and be a family i am sitting awake slightly hoping to get punished. i know that's being incredibly bratty and i should just do what i need to because it will make Him proud but so have no motivation to do so right now. i'm not in the middle of subbie blues--at least i don't think i am--i'm just blah from time to time when i'm not talking to Him or distracted with something else. last night's distraction was browser issues that have since righted themselves. tonight was father's day cards to the men in my life that need them--that is except Him whose card was mailed a tiny eon ago and Twin Soldier because i forgot to mail a mother's day card to Twin Soldier's wife and that just seemed really rude to me thinking about it now. it didn't even come up at the time. and if i didn't agonize over what to put in His mother's card i would have truly been at a loss with Twin Soldier's wife. Twin did get a birthday card--quite funny if i do say so myself--and i'll be sending her a birthday card as well. i am a card girl if you haven't figured that out.

i have been a bit off center. i have been talking a mile a minute and jumping topics when i do which i'm sure has entertained Night Owl even when she has not the slightest idea what i'm talking about. i really think we're, me and Him, are in need of a long week together. He's tired and frustrated and i am definitely in need of His hands wrapped around me. where they choose to roam is totally up to Him but i do miss being close to Him. all this pent up sexual frustration is not a good thing really. either that part of my psyche is just going to go dormant or i'm gonna be so hyper when He gets back that i might dehydrate Him. okay so the second scenario is more likely but still that's not a good thing.

so the last thing on my mind is something that has sorta come up on two discussion groups i belong to. can you be a sub/slave if you have a Dom? of course i think the state of mind is possible but what do you do when you have no one to furnish all that attention and give over control to? i think you could potentially do what i did and pray that your toys don't die during the period of separation. well provided you are allowed access to the toys. that isn't to say this has been easy. there are times when i just don't let me brain enjoy the sexual things that are running through it because i want Him and not the nice automated fill in i've had for Him since He left. and then there are times when how much i love Him totally overwhelms me and if it means that we have to be apart a few more months then screw it. when He's home He'll do thins to me that i used to only dream about and now have found someone that matches the depravity of my overactive brain. 98 percent of the time i do what i know He would expect of me and some things He would never ask of me. in those moments my submission to Him are clear and concise. and then i'm just mopey go lightly and start waiting for my spanking to get me back on track. ahh go figure. i don't know if i'm making sense anymore so i'm going to bed.



well that's a fine to do

Monday, June 11, 2007 2 comments
i have nothing earth shattering to tell you. much to my surprise i was able to talk to Roaming Soldier on His birthday briefly. He wasn't particularly happy that day and then the computer kept acting crazy so we'd get interrupted mid conversation more often than not. i tried to work on my rule number one but it was hard to do that in between the frequent shut owns and just overall lack of good mind space on His part. it's hard to see Him not so happy. in all the time that i have known Him a few words from His little girls and He is usually a happy camper. i think two birthdays away from home and no immediate end date in sight had Him a little on edge.

other than that life is quiet. i finally found a wedding planner i actually like after months of flipping through tons of them from the library. none of the bridal bouquet books i've seen have been all that impressive so i'll just stick with the one i found months ago. the etiquette books could drive you crazy but i found a easy to understand and incredibly cheap because it was on abebooks.com copy of one i liked too. of course i need none of this remotely anytime soon. i'd be shock and amazed if He proposed the moment He came home. but hey i wouldn't turn Him down if He did. engaging in my random girly moments gives me a tiny bit of normal life calm so i treasure them lol. i should be studying and if i don't start hammering down soon i'll be in trouble. i really wish He was home to give me more motivation to get myself together. ahh well i think something is wrong with godaddy again so this may not get posted till tomorrow. see ya



a day between Daddies

Wednesday, June 06, 2007 1 comment
is daddies spelled right? obviously so as my spell check didn't just flag it. anyway today is june 6, 2007. nothing stellar in the grand scheme of the world. it's just another day in this year that is somewhat zipping by for me. the year hasn't progressed exactly as i hoped but what can you do when plans go awry. but today is a day of emotional pause for me. some of you know that my father died shortly before i started working on my phd. the anniversary of the his death was a few weeks ago. i prepped a post and deleted it because my head was in a weird space and i wasn't saying what i wanted to clearly. today is the day after my father would have turned 61. the day after i would have made him a lovely cheesecake or pecan pie and grilled up some steaks i marinated overnight and had of course a nice healthy serving of mashed potatoes. we would have been goofy and watched cartoons and given him gifts. it would have been a good day.

instead i had a trip to the gynecologist--always lovely fun eh ladies--and a trip to the hair dresser and a took a swing by the library and post office. not a bad day but not the day i would have had with my dad.

today is a day of emotional rest as i said as it is also the day before Roaming Soldier's birthday. He will be joining me at 31 years of age. that's right ladies and gents in case you didn't know i snagged myself a younger man lol. okay so He's not much younger and i'm sure the foot and a half He has on me covers the six months quite nicely. and tomorrow i will go to work, study for that nasty exam if no clients pop up and then do my grocery store run and come home. i may or may not get to talk to Him and actually wish Him happy birthday tomorrow but regardless He knows He's loved as i sent a just because, birthday, and father's day cards in the middle of may to make sure they would get to Him by tomorrow. yippee for me that they did. and while He likely would have gotten a card shower if He were home i could have so taken the day off--since i got my hair all nice and spiffy yesterday lol--and spent it with Him, Littlest Soldier and mom until the evening when i secreted Him off to a nice hotel to soak in a sauna and give Him a nice back rub and then give Him that stashed paddle and let Him work off any pent up aggression turning 31 may have visited upon Him. yeah that would have been fun. but we won't be doing that either.

so it's shortly after midnight and my middle day is here. i'll be good again until father's day lol but at least my brother will be here for me to torment lol. y'all have a good night.



welcome to the randomness redux

Saturday, June 02, 2007 2 comments
howdy folks. i haven't meant to be back in witness protection but i have needed to take heavy doses of drugs this week to keep from shooting at people. my pain threshold is abnormally high except a few days a month. then i just want to sleep and eat and watch things that make me cry. like the link right below. you can watch the whole episode but this is the best part and it just makes me go awww that right there is beautiful. now some will go what is she talking about? that woman left her wedding but if you watched the show at the time you'll know why it was so beautiful.

other than crying and watching sappy things i have been listening to Maroon 5's new cd it won't be soon before long which i love. it's not like their first cd at all really. songs about jane was more lovey dovey and sweet. it had moments of inspiration and it was light. this cd seems to have been written as an end to an intense love affair. of course it could just seem that way but it felt like i was walking through a complicated break up. anyway i really have like it especially track 4 which plays into my somewhat warped sense of humor. the song is called wakeup call but this is definitely not the kind of wake up most of us would want to have. it's very shit damn motherfucka for those of you that like d'angelo. but of course without the r&b spin that the resident voodoo child would have put on it. i got the disc at best buy so i got a 2 track bonus disc that i actually like those songs a LOT and felt like they should have been included on the main cd. the one at target apparently has dvd content so just think about which one is more important to you if you decide to pick it up and i have to say i can gladly recommend it.

moving on. i have been thinking about weddings and marriage and life and love and while i am sure that He is the man that i am meant to be with, i keep trying to put myself in check so that i can handle living day to day without Him here. i started new smut but He interrupted it and i haven't got around to finish it. i'll give you a hint though, it visit the letter I as i have been given the leftover vowels to work on. until then go read a cookie peddling story and if you are really nice i'll post the one that has been kept off the radar till now.

see ya