so i'm laying in bed

Saturday, November 22, 2008 5 comments
and for the first time in a few days i'm really just laying here instead of rolling around and laughing and watching movies and sighing deeply. He's been here and i have loved that greatly. it's interesting having Him here and how much different i am as a result. i haven't really wanted to post anything for some reason. slightly afraid i might jinx things and really still trying to be selfish a bit and save this one thing for myself. but i am happy and safe and feeling quite loved right now. if that changes i'm sure you'll know. hell i tell you guys everything lol eventually even when i don't exactly mean to. i hope everyone is well and that you enjoy the holidays if they are coming up for you next week. my mother is STILL gone yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh so i get to make my duck when i'm ready to eat it and not heat it up cause it's been sitting for 3 hours. hope i'll talk to you guys later.



sorry bout that

Friday, November 14, 2008 No comments
been busy with work and being sick and a bunch of other stuff. the accident i believe is finally resolved now. well it is for me. the nice lady that hit me is probably gonna have some issues. i'm debating whether or not i'm ready for this to go dark. i don't have a lot to post these days. i love a very sweet Man dearly but with my track record that probably means i'll eventually be telling you all about what went wrong instead of how He's sleeping here every night and making my life so much richer. i don't think i'm being a very good sub right now at all because i'm all over the place with my moods and tolerance for things. i'm just really in general confused about my life right now. after i finish helping Him with some things i might vanish for a while and take care of the weirdness that is my life.


shock and awe

Thursday, November 06, 2008 No comments
that's the best summary i can give to what this country did yesterday. i can honestly admit that no matter how hopeful i was i did not anticipate this country electing a brown person while i was still young enough to recognize and enjoy it. i took the day off because i needed to absorb the day on my own. i didn't end up on my own. i had to take care of some things related to the car and ran out to vote. upside of living in podunk was it took no time to vote. downside of living in podunk my state nearly always goes red so it was strictly exercising my civic duties that got me to the poll. i was back home by 10:30 with a maybe activity later in the day which turned into a definite activity within an hour.

i spent the day with Him. doing a lot of nothing but it was nice just to be with Him and hanging out and joking and making people slightly sick cause we flirt a lot lmao. it somehow made the day less tense and stressful. the election wasn't allowed to dominate my brain as i was afraid it would if i had been at work the entire time. i was there longer than i anticipated being which is weird as the plan was tentative to start with. it was a wonderful few hours though. moments like that just make me hopeful and happy that i'm happy and alive. they can never last long enough for me right now but chalk it up to me being greedy and not wanting to let go of who and what i find important. especially yesterday. the significance of who i was with yesterday wasn't lost on me so i was glad that for most of my day it was Him.

i came back up and filled out paperwork for my new car which i picked up today. it's a newer model of my old car and i like it a lot. slightly more than i wanted to pay but like the last time i got a used car it already comes loaded with what i wanted already. this day was no less significant than yesterday but it was back to the grind for most of us. still stunned by what took place and almost hoping we weren't still dreaming. sooner or later the sheer unadulterated surprise will wear off. but not right now.

i was just writing to say hey, let you know i was still alive and that i couldn't be prouder of the us today. i just hope that we can continue the momentum that was started last night beyond right now.