Saturday, May 31, 2014 2 comments
Right now it would do my heart and pussy a world of joy if I could spend a long weekend at a B&B set up for kinky play with four of my favorite exes under the direction of a Dom skilled at mindfucking. After I got in and was settled, I'd be allowed enough time to shower and prepare myself before most of my clothing would be jacked for the rest of the weekend. After that I would be under the control of Dom and at the whim of my playmates. Any combination, position, service they demanded would have to be provided. I anticipate some cum soaked, filled, massive quantity swallowed before it was all done. I'd be photographed, taped, bitten, discussed as if I wasn't present, talked to as if my only purpose in life was to be used well by men, debased, sore, bruised, exhausted and blissful before I finally took my last shower and turned back into nerdy lady and boarded my flight home.

Or it would be a tiny slice of heaven if I could let my brain collapse into a daydream about being underneath a strong backed stronger mind iron willed man while being fucked so slowly it damn near hurts while they growl naughty things in my hear and choke me until tears are streaming from my eyes.

I need someone who senses not only my hunger for their dick but my desperation for their strength to alleviate the need for my own.  Someone strong enough to protect, direct and inflict things on me that emanate from that dark place in both of our brains.  Must go let kittens leave this mortal coil now lol.


So girly bits and getting older

Sunday, May 25, 2014 No comments
This will be one of those totally random but all centered around my girly bits in mostly a non sexual way.  As I have noted in my blog before, I am in my late 30s.  Because of that I really wasn't desperate to have babies because I would be close to 60 before the first one left my house and that just didn't sound appealing on top of the senior citizen child I am having to raise as well.  I had been on the Depoprovera shot for years--not to prevent pregnancy though, well not mostly, but because I could have some simply hellaciously painful cycles.  Once I got to the point where it was heavy duty narcotic or Depo we opted for the shot, we being my former gyno and I.  I didn't notice after not getting my reup shot last fall that I hadn't had a cycle for a while and the first few I had were tear inducing.  As this year has progressed though they have gotten shorter and lighter and MUCH less painful.  All of which is great for me except they were also happening more often.  As were what I was seeing as some ridiculously easy to trigger yeast infections.  When I finally had a moment of free time I used it to do some checking on my symptoms to see what was up and if I needed to frantically find a new gyno here.  I saw one but she was horrid and creepy so she has to be replaced.  Finding good doctors is just another in the long line of down sides to moving.  Anyhoo, turns out I probably only had one valid yeast infection brought on by some yucktastic antibiotics.  The rest of the itchy moments combined with my shorter, lighter, quicker periods are all tied to perimenopause.  It's the stage you hit before full blown menopause apparently and can last a number of years if it wants.  Based on how my body is acting I don't think it will do that.  My mother hit menopause around this age and most of my aunts did as well (if they didn't have hysterectomies which triggered it earlier).  Surprisingly, I am not feeling the boo hoo I can't have babies anymore thing because really until it's over there are those lovely change of life babies that can surprise you.  However, when this process is said and done I might get a tiny bit slutty IF I know my partner and I are both healthy.  I mean really feeling a rush of nut flood inside of me is such a nice mind fuck.  He just stuck another little claim on me in a very primal way.  Yeah looking forward to that.


Things Not To Do When You're Angry

Sunday, May 18, 2014 No comments
  1. Cook 
  2. Bake
  3. Drink
  4. Drive
  5. Try to be productive
  6. Continue talking to who made you angry
  7. Flirt, shit is just sad
  8. Read
  9. Work out--you'll probably injure yourself going too damn hard
  10. Anything that impacts your appearance
 But if you're angry and have the right partner FUCK LIKE BUNNIES.  Angry sex is, to me anyway, more intense, gets rid of all that aggression so much faster, and you orgasm like nobody's business. If there was someone to mount right now they would have the best hardest quickie they could ever imagine.  Alas, I'm solo--maybe it's machine time.


Just a Quickie: Pour Out a Little Catnip

Saturday, May 17, 2014 2 comments
I really don't have much to say but thanks to the rain, my randomness and that Hitachi Magic Wand more kitties have fallen victim of my lust.  I can't say they won't keep dying either.  As it's masturbation month AND it will not stop flipping raining more will see kitty heaven.


Welcome to the Writing Page

Friday, May 16, 2014 No comments
So I decided to go ahead and have all the smut put on one page.  If I can figure out how to pin this one I will but for now just a bit of information.

I've been writing off and on since I was in middle schools.  My emotions tend to drive what I'm writing so I can't always write when I want to.  In my impression I write better when I'm angry or horny.  When I'm sad, the stuff is dark and depressing and gut wrenching for the folks that I let read it.  I don't share that often as I am one of those folks that only let those closest to me in on that kind of stuff.  But for example there's a scene in one story when a wife confronts a mistress--and the mistress who already distressed about the situation just capitulates and goes home alone to cry.

Erotica evolved actually due to one of PP about 20 years ago.  It started out as poetry then morphed into short stories. You'll get more smut soon.  I have both Dutch and PP firing up my brain with naughty thoughts.  They won't be full fledged stories like the Alphabet Game series which has officially been pulled in advance of it getting properly edited and all that jazz.  But they will be smutty snippets inspired by folk that don't have to work hard to make me want to molest them.  If you have any ideas let me know and I'll see if I can incorporate them or not.  Ok enough of that for now.  I need to pretend to get some sleep.  I have a long day tomorrow. 


Best Toy Ever!

Thursday, May 15, 2014 2 comments
I know some of you will think it should be because it costs enough money.  Let me just say as a sometimes single gal who gets right horny and doesn't want to risk hooking up with random strangers just to get her rocks off this is just freaking amazing.  Vibrators are lovely and I have enjoyed a variety of them over the years (totally love the Ohmibod line as it someone took the control out of your hands by letting your MP3 player drive you crazy) but that required keeping one hand on the trigger at all times.  They have totally upgraded oral sex toys as well from the vibrating tongues to the Sqweel 2 (which again totally love, looks like a mini version of the tongue chainsaw but it is lacking a tiny bit of power and male tongue roughness.  And I don't know if I can say enough about the Hitachi Magic Wand.  A little direct current can turn a vibrator into a mini agent of kitty death (not real kitties in case your new around here, just a joke regarding a photo I saw eons ago about every time you orgasm/masturbate a God kills a kitten).  After struggling with batteries dying or my hands getting tired, the Hitachi Magic Wand is like a little gift from heaven for me.  I will be over the orgasm hump in minutes unless someone has really worked me up.  Oh but today, today all of those nifty things coalesced into the best treat ever and it happened during National Masturbation Month too.  Since I'm usually celibate unless I'm in a relationship masturbation is de rigeur around these parts.  But finding new and inventive ways to make me cum without wearing out my arm were getting harder.  Enter the Attache Fucking Machine from Orgasm Alley. 

As you can see it just looks like an attache case.  If the rod and wires are tucked away it looks like a standard brief case.  It's heavy but so worth it.  The position it's in at the bottom means you will likely be on your knees but you can also stand it up and let it fuck you like you're riding it.  There are two rods of varying length that help you decide on the stroke length and range.  I went for the longer one on my first ride and totally don't regret it.  Best creamiest orgasm that has been wrenched from my body in a LONG while.  I paired with the Beauty dildo from Doc Johnson for my inaugural fucking and the two together were beautiful.  Once I was in the right position the curve in Beauty became truly truly delightful.  I know I was one of the many who said it can't possibly be worth the money.  Even though I caught it on a sale I would totally tell everyone to buy one and if you can one for a friend.  They will be indebted to you forever and may just become a conspirator in helping you find new and fun ways to get off with the machine.  I have to run a few errands that is partially why I am up away from it now.  The other reason was I was pretty sure I'd be fucking myself for the rest of the day without looking for food or drink or any thing but what speed I wanted to cum at next.  Totally worth it.


Fresh Skin and Stuff

Wednesday, May 14, 2014 2 comments
Hey everyone,

Not sure if you noticed but the Velvet Rope got a much needed face lift.  In the next few days and weeks I'll be updating a few things so the site is functioning the way I want it to.  But as I know where my weaknesses are I went searching for someone that could do this for me.  Several starts and stops later someone mentioned etsy to me and after having a great time getting my Harleen Quinzel badge there a few months ago it seemed like a reasonable place to check out blog designers.  I reached out to three or four and chose the designer that seemed most receptive to my ideas and ready to get down to work.  So a huge thank you to Lauren at Teach Pray Love Designs for taking my hodgepodge of ideas and making it into something pretty and functional.  And another thank you to Shawna at for tinkering with one of her designs for me.

The side bar has pretty much everything you need to navigate the site and contacting me between postings.  Yes red has joined the twitterverse so my link is there if you want to see the crazy things that come out of my mouth.  You can also follow me on bloglovin' and email me directly if you click that cute little envelope.  Soon the smut will be coming down or at least those linked to the book of bondage stories which may actually be nearer to reaching the light of day.  I told you I've been hunting for an editor and found one via twitter of all things.  I'm still deciding what level of edit I want/need but after that I will go for it finally.

There's a new and maybe not as self explanatory option on the side bar now as well.  It's called Get Smutty With Me and will hold the books that I'm reading or just finished reading.  They will typically be sex related at a minimum if not completely tied to BDSM as three of the current four titles are.  If you are a writer and have something I might be interested in let me know and I'll add you to that section if I like it.

Beyond me being totally enamored of the blog I am on countdown to my first vacation that will not require me to monitor any grown individuals while I attempt to relax.  Just me about 48 hours of debauchery.  I just realized yesterday that if the debauchery goes as planned I bought a bunch of cute outfits for absolutely no damn reason.  If not or if my intended targets need a breath of fresh air I think I can put on my best Kinky Klaire mask and have at it.  All the pink in the outfit I'm envisioning is going to make me look about 12 with great tits but hopefully the gray hair convinces people I'm a grown up with great tits lol.

This will sound silly but I have been itching for a redesign for so long that this really feels like a bit of a rebirth for my smutty endeavors.  I need it to stop raining so the random fetish I have for storms (yes that does mean I get aroused when it's raining, the harder it rains the wetter I get--seriously no pun intended there).  Tell me what you think.


Coming up for Air

Sunday, May 11, 2014 No comments
So I'm awake in the middle of the night clearly but part of that is just related to the time of year.  Too many projects to finish in the next week or so and in the midst of that I get to deal with old lady tantrums and less than well thought out plans.  My special package did arrive but so did that unfortunate monthly visitor.  On the upside it was over quicker than usual.  On the downside it still means I haven't even tried to test the machine yet.  I'm actually much less horny after my visitor leaves so I haven't had much inspiration to sacrifice kitties.  I'm not sure when I'll be back to post something new but I didn't want you to think I had totally disappeared.


Masturbation Month, Kinky Travel Plans & How I had to MacGyver an Orgasm

Sunday, May 04, 2014 No comments
So apparently May is National Masturbation Month.  I have no idea how I made it to nearly 40 and didn't know that such a thing existed.  I have been celebrating without knowing it.  In the last four days I have had as many self induced orgasms and plan on continuing to have at least one for each day of the month.  Friday I had to turn to an 80s tv hero and figure some shit out.  I was out of town and left my Hitachi Wand--so pissed you have no idea--and I was horny after hearing from the only man that can call me cunt and it be both a term of endearment and make me cream a little in my panties.  I'm on a hotel room and have nothing hard enough or long enough to do much.  I only figure this out after getting partially there with a plastic drinking cup, tiny bottle of shampoo, ice, an Orange Leaf plastic spoon, my fingers and some ice.  Each one got me a little bit closer but not quite there.  So I had a moment of desperation and folded the cup in on itself and then left it lodged where my pussy is most sensitive.  I grabbed an ice cube and tormented my clit before unleashing a furious assault on my clit and lips with the spoon.  I had a nice good hard orgasm and was finally able to get some sleep.  Since I made it home the wand and I have been getting reacquainted.  It missed me I can tell and I have to admit being terribly sorry he didn't make the trip with me.  My fucking machine will be here later this week.  So will the crazy lady that lives in my house but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to give a crap about that and I'm going to fuck myself silly whenever I get a free moment.  I got a free dildo for it but I also got an overly girthy one and a cute purple swan looking one to go with my moods for different dicks as it were.

I am also going to my first kinky events this summer.  At one I definitely have some playmates lined up at but I'm looking for more friends for the second one later this summer.  Who wants to meet me in Baltimore?