I have been busy as hell for the last three weeks. Had another conference to attend, a brief course to teach, five solid days of meetings and somewhere in there had to get my hair done, sleep, eat and get my car repaired twice. Par for the course it feels like over the last few months but eventually there’s a moment to crash and process and sort some things out. I’m not sure that I’m in the process or sort some things out phase or if I’m finally just admitting some things to myself. You can’t love someone hard enough that they love you back and you can’t distract yourself indefinitely from that fact.
I’d been playing a game on my tablet that let me descend into a romantic story line for a bit. Kinda enjoyed it because I could make the main character look like me and my Prince Charming wasn’t some random stock character I’d never have even pretended to be with at all. Well that came to an end yesterday and to say it was disappointing was an understatement. For folks that like drama it’s great but for folks that don’t, like myself–drama free diet since 2005, it was an epic letdown. I didn’t cry lol. I was too tired to cry. The tears have book ended the week though.
Earlier in the week Mr. Wolf wrote me a sweet letter that I just wasn’t emotionally able to process so I wrote a short note back when I could and stopped crying cause I was just on day two of meetings. This morning I saw something that I needed to see so that it was clear what was happening and the tears came again. Letting go isn’t the right phrase. Recognizing you’ve been disposed of is likely better but may not be wholly accurate. I’m so ridiculously tired of this cycle I can’t begin to explain but tears wash away a multitude of sins.
Please pray for Mr. Wolf’s family. He’s a good man and needs that support even though he’d never ask for it.