Gamer Girl Gone Moderate

Sunday, January 13, 2019
I'm not sure what I'm going to call this post yet but I wanted to start writing before I forgot again.  This is about relationships and gaming but it won't make much sense at the beginning.  I've spoken before about wanting a strong mental connection with the person I submit to as it helps me slip into that role more.  I'll take an emotional one but that can be less stable for the long-term because that rush at the beginning of a relationship is never perpetual whereas that mental thing might make me slip into a smile randomly well after the relationship has run it's course and I'm just glad the person in question has no idea they could have had me for a new Build a Bear.  I really like teddy bears.

Anyway, when I have needed intellectual challenges or stimulation I have periodically delved more into gaming as a distraction.  I've been involved in gaming since I was a kid and we had to play on a Commodore 64 and had a blast playing BeatSaber this Christmas with the family but usually I get involved in games that involve some long-term strategy or those that need quick skill as both make me go yep got it or hmm that worked out differently than I planned but still good shit.

Over the last few years I've done everything from cute dress up games to WWE Champions to basically grown up choose your own adventure stories through another few platforms.  As I have been doing all of that over the last year something occurred to me.  Even though in some cases the stories frustrated me because of the unnecessary drama built into the game, there were quite a few in which I was legitimately dong that mental connection smile with because it flowed in a way that would surprise me or catch that little tingle I wasn't expecting.  I was hurt when one or two came to an end but also not because I could draft a story in my head that would be more to my likely without the drama. 

But it's not precisely what I would want in real life because I don't want to be in control, not entirely, of how the story plays out.  I want to be surprised and engaged but not in control.  As I was thinking through all of that I remembered the moments that made me melt in previous relationships.  It wasn't usually a major gift and in two cases it was gifts of cartoons that I loved as a child.  It proved they were listening and it was a genuine surprise that made me laugh and go aww at the same time.  I'm a practical hopeless romantic.  I want the pop of newness in the middle of the mundane things.  If it was always fantastic I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop which isn't great.    I like relationships with people and relationship based strategy games are kind of kick ass as well. 

I'm going to give the Sims another go and I've been dabbling in Second Life again.  Made me think about Roaming Soldier as his name is still my surname there.  And I'm married to Mr. Good Nyte in world.  Not sure why I haven't pulled him out of that box yet.  I guess my point is I like things that make me think but aren't too unrealistic in my games or in reality.  Eventually, things will click again--at least for a bit.

Until then I'll enjoy being a chocolate duchess lol.

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