New Month, Old Me

Monday, August 17, 2020

 I've been chatting it up with one of my exes a lot lately.  Mostly as I process and work through complicated grieving I'm having related to another ex.  That's awkward at best but it's been useful.  I probably need to sage this space as I told grief invoking ex that too much of it reminds me of him which is annoying as shit.  Sorry got distracted looking for smudge kits.  Might have to just go with candles since I have a permanent nosy roommate who I can't send anywhere right now thanks to COVID.  My mind is stuck on random because I just recalled GIE promising to hurt me so I could cope with what I thought would be a traumatic horrific presidency that has been so fucking much worse than I imagined.

I have been reading and getting ready for another rough month of work that I hope doesn't turn into a cluster fuck since our working from home phase is about to end.  I've also been cooking and baking and guess what, literally tired of all that shit right now too.  What I want to do is sleep in, eat meals people bring me, fuck to work off said meals, and explore how much pain I can tolerate on a regular basis.  But nope I'm just in the house, annoyed, afraid that the next election will go like the last election and that I won't have the option to get the hell out of dodge now that an American passport is essentially useless.

And work is testing my patience because I allegedly have a tone when I'm asking pointed questions without sugar coating them.  Fuck it I'm too tired to care.  I miss having an attentive Dom but I didn't always enjoy too much attention.  I'm a check in regularly not daily girl.  blahhhhh, fuck it I'm going to go plan tomorrow's dinner.


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