here i go again, making beautful mistakes

Saturday, April 03, 2021

I'm feeling better today.  It's still Saturday and I still ain't got nobody.  And honestly that is just what it is right now.  Work is busy but semi on autopilot.  Home life is improving even if I need to get back on the grind health wise.  After losing some weight, it has found me again.  I'm looking around a room that needs to be decluttered even while I plan on keeping some things that are important to me but a ton of other things it's time to release into the universe.  I do miss being secure in a relationship but let's be honest I am very rarely secure in the entire thing.  I know what I want in a partner but no longer am I certain it's what I needed.  Just had a random thought about the kind of famous men that catch my attention and overall they are commanding with what appears to be a goofy/sweet/protective side for those they care about.  Some are universally gorgeous and others more subtle in their energy but also more attractive to me in that way.  I think what I really want right now is someone who makes me sigh.  That deep soul acknowledgment that it has found its person kind of sigh.  And for once it would be nice if there was no external baggage attached to that.  That's not likely to be a thing especially as I get older but it's what would make me happy.  That person would let me just be the best version of me and help me keep pushing towards better.  At least that's what I hope.  Ultimately, I just have to be happy living my best life regardless of if there's anything more than a teddy bear along for the ride.


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